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General writing discussion.
Comments
Name: Sir Bacchus (joking nicknamed "([Knightlord] Butch Brutal" by the men he leads)
Further Context: A knight of an exclusive order privy to secret knowledge; flees his order and uses said knowledge to raise an army.
That's why I haven't really been giving feedback much in this thread. I'm mostly new to writing stuff that I actually want to write.
Sci-fi erotica is fun to write~. <3
It depends on what kind of insane. What's the mood of your work?
It is super fun, I can't wait to show you later.
I like your dialogue A LOT. Again, try and cut down the redundancy a little. I especially liked "... why are you humming ride of the Valkyries?" If you take out the detail that he was humming under his breath a few sentences prior, it'll make for a pretty hilarious non sequitor.
@Icasari cont.:
Question: what sets off your character? Also: I find it rather ironic that Order is going batshit crazy. That sounds like Chaos' job. Is that intentional?
Digressing:
I try to give as much feedback as I can, since I hate it when my stuff goes unread too. Give and take, not take and take, y'know?
Her family tends to be a trigger. Afer the betrayal, her main goal is to destroy them all before getting back to destroying the universe
Afterwards, I'll post it and let you guys critique my characters. Anyone interested?
A first for me.
Thanks, I kind of feel like dialogue is my best area right now.
Done. I just uploaded edited versions of the first two chapters, trying to cut out redundancy, fixing some typos, and reworking a phrase here and there.
Not bad so far, but I'd like to know the relevance of all these submissive personality types.
Also, Mia sounds very exaggerated and hard to believe. 2Dimensional, unless thats the point.