General writing discussion.

Vivi

"Intentional" would be a better word that "Purposeful" there, AHR.

AHR

YES IT WOULD.

MillerCross

Oh, sorry, I missed that.

So...he...ignores the conflict willfully?

AHR

It goes back to the "repression" thing. 

Vivi

There is a trope for that can explain it pretty well, but I will not link it so we don't get too tropey.

MillerCross

So, repressed rather than repressive, right?

^ If it contributes to the discussion, I don't care.

AHR

...whichever one is self inflicted.

Vivi

Rereading over the trope has be conclude that it wouldn't contribute much, so never mind.

MillerCross

Repressed, then. 

And anyway, gotcha, then.

Let's see, Chagen came up next...

Name: Mark Seiser.

Physical Appereance: Tall, average-weight, orange hair, somewhat skinny

I would say that you should take Average-Weight away, as Somewhat skinny helps to describe both his weight and appereance better

Conflict he faces: Man vs. self (He's not a normal human and killed his own mother) and Man vs. Man (He's the only person with the ability to punch out a bunch of gods. And he's going to have to do it).

Gah, I hate how I keep forgetting to specify thingies.

It's preferable if you only list the external confict. Although the internal conflict is indeed appreciated.
Perspective: "I might as well, if no one else will".

Attitude/Personality (Just use adjetives here): Emotionless, assholish, cunning, efficient

I wouldn't say that efficient is a personality trait so much as a...erm...efficacy trait? Performance trait? 

Change (As in, how does he change across the story): Becomes way less of an asshole and more emotional. And really goddamn good at fighting

First part is the important part. the second one is unnecessary, unless him becoming a better fight also makes him a better/worse person. The thing that matters in these things are personality and how they intract with the outside world. 

Vivi

You...skipped me.

Or was that intentional?

MillerCross

No, I just didn't notice. >.>

Vivi

;-;

MillerCross

Name: Caleb

Physical Appearance: Tall, skinny, short brown hair, pale.

Good, simple

Conflict he faces: How much stock everyone around him puts in his existence

How does the plot reflect this conflict? 

Perspective: Reluctant. He knows what he has to do most of the time, he just doesn't feel like it and wants to go home.

"Home"? Was he kidnapped? If so, that is part of the conflict he faces, not the internal part.

Attitude/Personality (Just use adjectives here): Sarcastic, blunt, careful, artistic

> Blunt

> Careful

erm, a bit contradictory, no? (Then again, I'm not quite sure on the meaning of blunt.)

Change (As in, how does he change across the story): None. It's everything else around him that changes.

So, the story doesn't affect him? Why and how?

Vivi

>How does the plot reflect this conflict?

He wakes up in a time that isn't his own. He seems to have a life here, with all the people he meets already having established a relationship with him, but he doesn't know any of them. They seem to rely on his opinion greatly, and he seems to affect the things that happen to them a lot.

>"Home"? Was he kidnapped? If so, that is part of the conflict he faces, not the internal part.

Not kidnapped. Just woke up in a time not his own. I shall change that though.

>erm, a bit contradictory, no? (Then again, I'm not quite sure on the meaning of blunt.)

Blunt in his words, careful in his actions.

>So, the story doesn't affect him? Why and how?

The story is...Absurdist. At the beginning he already has the absurdist ideals, tries to push them onto others and the only possible changes I could see him making are knowing more about the past of his family and friends, but I don't think that really counts. It's mostly a stylistic choice.

MillerCross

He wakes up in a time that isn't his own. He seems to have a life here, with all the people he meets already having established a relationship with him, but he doesn't know any of them. They seem to rely on his opinion greatly, and he seems to affect the things that happen to them a lot.

So the conflict (External one) is, "He woke up in a time that isn't his own". Simple, really.

Not kidnapped. Just woke up in a time not his own. I shall change that though.

Good. 

The story is...Absurdist. At the beginning he already has the absurdist ideals, tries to push them onto others and the only possible changes I could see him making are knowing more about the past of his family and friends, but I don't think that really counts. It's mostly a stylistic choice.

Mind you, it can be done, but I don't see how that would happen. Then again, you know your story better than me, so there's that. 

Vivi

Yes, I know it's a daunting task. I only decided to make the story like that a couple of days ago. I'm still trying to decide how I'm gonna do it.

MillerCross

OK, got it. If you want advice with it, you can send me a PM. If I'm not busy with homework, I'll give ya a hand. Or just post it here and let the capable people help you (So, just AHR, then. :P)

Name: Ash "Ashley" Heredia

Geez, what might you be referencing here, Schitzo?

Physical Appearance: Lanky, messy short hair, Jeans tee shirts and bomber jackets

I normally don't recommend describing clothing, but the other two work so well that I don't mind it. And I do admit that clothing does indeed say a lot of a character

Conflict he faces: Legions of bullies and his own penchant for ultraviolence. His crush is taken aback by his frenzied fighting style. Unwittingly creates a fight club that goes out of control in second half of story.

I'd say that the conflict here is...bwuh? The story seems a bit too episodical. Mind, this is not a bad thing, but if that's where you wanna go, I'd say that for the purposes of the exercise, his own penchant for ultraviolence should be taken out, as it is internal and not external. 

Perspective: In his words: "One by one or all at once, I'll take you on."

I gotta say, I love when people use a quote here

Attitude/Personality (Just use adjectives here): Hotblooded, Morose, soft-spoken, eloquent

He's all over the place, isn't he? Can you explain why is he Morose and Hotblooded at the same time? 

Also, it might just be me, but Soft Spoken and Eloquent are redundant

Change (As in, how does he change across the story): Gains a sense of humor, and becomes less socially awkward as he gains fans and friends.

I approve of the second bit, the first, not so much as I think that gaining a sense of humor is indeed a big part of being a social being. 

Schitzo

Geez, what might you be referencing here, Schitzo?

Actually, I was trying to invoke the whole "Boy Named Sue" complex. That's the name he's referred to by bullies. Are you saying I was probably influenced by The Evil Dead?  XD

I normally don't recommend describing clothing, but the other two work
so well that I don't mind it. And I do admit that clothing does indeed
say a lot of a character

Don't they always say: The Clothing Makes The Character? :P

I'd say that the conflict here is...bwuh? The story seems a bit too
episodical. Mind, this is not a bad thing, but if that's where you wanna
go, I'd say that for the purposes of the exercise, his own penchant for ultraviolence should be taken out, as it is internal and not external.

Yeah, it is rather episodic. This and my next character belong to... a rather expansive school/ suburb.

He's all over the place, isn't he? Can you explain why is he Morose and Hotblooded at the same time? 

Also, it might just be me, but Soft Spoken and Eloquent are redundant

He's not defined by one character trait alone, I suppose. when he's "normal", he's timid and shy, but when the mood strikes him, he's screaming at the top of his lungs and uppercutting kids left and right.

I approve of the second bit, the first, not so much as I think that
gaining a sense of humor is indeed a big part of being a social being.

You're right. That IS sorta redundant.

MillerCross

He's not defined by one character trait alone, I suppose. when he's "normal", he's timid and shy, but when the mood strikes him, he's screaming at the top of his lungs and uppercutting kids left and right.

Contextual personality, eh?

I approve.

Schitzo

I notice now that this and the next are a bit too wordy for the assignment. But I guess that's what you're here for, eh?

MillerCross

Orcus is not here, so I can't really say much. Also, homework.

And yer right, actually.

Schitzo

I meant my next character, not Orcus.

I guess I was trying real hard to differentiate her. That isn't what the assignment's about XD should I change it, or leave it be?

MillerCross

Yeah, change it. That way I'll see if you learned something.

Schitzo

I changed mine. Have at you.

Schitzo

Bumping with a poem I wrote a long time ago and revised it. Tell me what you think:

Telepathy

We were having dinner at Salcedo’s
And your parents were asking mine
What part of Mexico they came from
Their faith, their ideals, their values


It was the first time I ever saw you
Wearing a dress. It was black
And the dim light seemed to run
Its hands through the silk.


Your eyes met mine, they said
I’ve got an idea. A bad one
That could really get us in trouble.
And you wink.


My eyes dart away from yours
Yeah, that’s uh, that’s great.
And meet with those of a deer’s
Head. The whole room’s laughing.


I glance at your plate, then back
At you. Your steak, how is it?


Your smile widens. Oh, I’ve had better.
It widens to a cheshire grin.


I can’t control my trembling legs.
And apparently, neither can you.
Your toes brush against me.
Hi.


We wouldn’t be getting the looks
We’re getting from them now,
If we just spoke out loud. My parents
Can’t speak English, can yours?


I ask to be excused, and I head for the men’s room.
Your footsteps follow mine, uneven, like my heartbeat.

Icalasari

The exercise:

Name: Brent Mage

Physical Appearance: Late teens/early adult. Short black hair. Tan skin. Average clothes. Bit lanky (Yes these come up)

Conflict he faces: Trying to become champion conjurer of his region, then continent

Perspective: Takes main conflict seriously

Attitude/Personality: Kind, strong headed, rash

Change: Calms down a bit. Becomes more thoughtful

Vivi

I figured out some ways to work with having a protagonist that goes through no change. Hidden depths, used to change the audience's perception of the character, is a good thing to do.

I could also make it so that the character has already gone through their development before the start. The script is about the other characters, and their relationships with the protagonist.

Icalasari

How do I make a good mentally unstable character?

One of the deities in my game is Order. She split off from Fate (resulting in Chaos and Order) at one point, but the process damaged her mind and made her obsessed with order, to the point where she wants everything destroyed since, "Nothing is perfectly orderly". She tends to have nasty moodswings (Best description I've been able to come up with is Bipolar) and is highly arrogant, thinking she can do no wrong, even when depressed

In fact, her greatest blunder was assuming that none of her children could ever think of using the harp that she put the majority of her powers in to seal her away

Thing is, I'm not sure how to balance her. Too far to the sane side and, well, she lacks the madness. Too far to the insane side ajd you get Chef Brian

Any tips?

MillerCross

Physical Appearance: Late teens/early adult. Short black hair. Tan skin. Average clothes. Bit lanky (Yes these come up)

I normally don't like when people describe other people with age, as I feel that everyone ages incredibly differently. Also, how would you define average clothes?

Perspective: Takes main conflict seriously

Perspective means more than that. It's basically "Why are you doing this?"

Apart from that, A-OK

Icalasari

^ Ah, misunderstood perspective