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Comments
As younger nuns pondered the strange turn of events, an older
nun approached them. She said: "What's so strange about it? Old habits
die hard."
edit: Blanked because this was just a joke in bad taste and not even a pun.
I have a joke too!
See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night, they decide that they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape! So they get up on the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight...stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy, he jumps across with no problem. But the second guy, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea. He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings! You can walk along the beam and join me!" But the second guy just shakes his head. He says "What do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off while I was halfway across!"
The crash broke lots of records.
(reposted from another thread)
The conductor.
A forum user once started a thread. After a few posts, another user posted a rather inflammatory comment, and a large number of other users were soon up in arms over the comment or each others' responses to it. The forum software had a feature marking threads as "hot" (with a special icon) after they garnered thirty or more posts, so this thread was marked as "hot".
The original poster, however, did not appreciate the flame-warring going on in his thread. He once had it in his thread watchlist, but, because of the argumentativeness, he decided to drop it like it's hot.
Someone once sold me this really hot car.
In retrospect, I should have realized it was stolen.
Why would they steal a car that's on fire?
So one time I dreamed that I was in the world of Cave Story. I got to interact with the characters after the story, and I even got to talk to the cowardly scientist Itoh.
He took some time to warm up to me, but after a while, we struck up a lively conversation about ethnic groups. He was very interested in the subject, so I told him about the different peoples of the Middle East. I even told him how to make play-doh figurines of people and their tribal features.
In summary, I taught Itoh a puddy Tat.
You fools! Now Bastion will discover this thread and we will all cringe to death!
Once upon a time, there were two families that lived next door to each other, and they were always arguing with each other, loudly, occasionally devolving into junk being thrown at each others' houses and occasional fistfights.
One person living across the street from them got sufficiently fed up with them. He broke into a maximum-security government lab and stole some smallpox samples, which he mixed with water. Then he sprayed the houses of both families with smallpox-contaminated water.
He gave them a pox on both their houses.
A kid came home from school one day and complained to her mom she just got assigned a crapton of schoolwork.
Among them was were three worksheets with thirty-three problems each.
Her mom responded, "At least you don't have to deal with a witch."
HUZZAH
-Balrog ruins your conversation-
One person at a flea market was selling playdoh figurines of native ethnic peoples of the Middle East.
Another person approached that vendor, brought out an anatomical model of a human female's mammary gland, and offered to exchange tit for Tat.
At an anime convention, a bunch of mischievous cosplayers decided to dress up as political figures from the early 1930s.
They entered the cosplay competition. When the judges saw their costumes, one of them asked the cosplayer dressed as a radically populist Louisiana governor, "Why the Long face?"
If @DYRE had to submit a portfolio of personal statements to apply to something, he could type them up in a word processor and save them as separate files on his computer.
Then he would have DYRE, DYRE docs.
"We have an Animu/Mango General and a Vidya Gaems General? What are their names?"
A user once joined IJBM and did nothing but post in the bad puns thread. All he would do was post puns on woodwind, brass, and percussion musical instruments. He was later thrown out of IJBM, and musical instrument puns were forbidden, because he had turned the bad puns thread into a banned puns thread.
In northern Virginia, near Washington DC, there exist Fairfax County, the city of Fairfax, the area known as Fairfax Station, the Fair Lakes and Fair Oakes malls, as well as streets called Fair Stone Drive, Fairway Drive, Fairmont Street, Fairwood Lane, Fair Valley Drive, Faircloth Court, Faire Commons Court, Fair Briar Lane, Fair Crest Court, Fairway Drive, and Fairfield House Drive.
A developer was going to start up a new community called 'Fair Center Ponds'. A visitor aware of all these names happened to be chatting with the developer, and said things like, "Why do you want to make all these new things called 'Fair'?"
After pondering the visitor's comments a bit, the developer scratched out that community name and replaced it with 'Ponds Center Meadows'. As he changed it, he said, "Fair enough."
Nuclear scientists and engineers in country X discovered a novel way of combining the designs of the Little Boy and Fat Man atomic bombs in order to produce a weapon even more powerful than the hydrogen bomb. Combining the names, they called it the "fat boy" bomb. Country X proceeded to manufacture several fat boy warheads.
Soon after that, they got into a huge war with Country Y. Country Y began to invade country X and started to overrun its territory quickly, killing people indiscriminately. Country X leaders decided it was time to launch their ultimate weapon--the fat boy bombs.
Immediately after the fat boys were launched, all of country Y's troops promptly dropped their weapons, and stopped fighting. Country Y surrendered, even though it was about to be nuked into oblivion anyway. It was like they just suddenly and miraculously gave up.
Fat boys, fat boys, what you gonna do? What you gonna do when they come for you?
Alice asked Bob to blow up a beach ball.
Bob stuck a stick of dynamite in the ball, then detonated it.
That mashup with Jay Z works so damn well it just... Holy shit
The late senator Robert Byrd died and went to heaven. After being vetted and admitted by Saint Peter, he was given a laptop computer by the even later senator Harry Byrd. "Don't worry; I've cleaned it and installed anti-malware protection on it," he said.
Robert asked, "Why did you make a point of telling me that?"
Harry responded, "Because the early Byrd gets the worm."
Wanna see eight bad puns in a square?
No, I mean, literally.
http://8bgames.blogspot.com/2011/02/mega-man-rocks.html
"Have you heard of the restaurant on the moon? The food is good, but it has no atmosphere"
A wealthy individual collected a large number of eyeglasses, sunglasses, monocles, and other eyewear pieces and lenses. He bought up a building and converted it into a museum displaying these items. Then he charged visitors an admission fee, so that people would be paying to see the spectacles.
In other news, I found an entire book of (mostly) puns. This is the joke book that entertained me as a kid. ISBN 0806988843
It contains gems such as these:
Bad puns, especially for the Princess Tutu fandom: