General writing discussion.

MadassAlex · 2011-12-28 01:48:05

No, ~~but I do observe a particular lack of swordsmen.~~

Is there any particular reason your infiltrator is a mage? Perhaps the story might be better served if he was mundane, unless magic is a core component of the plot or themes.

Malkavian · 2011-12-28 01:54:42

The mage's best friend is actually going to be a ~~neutral good~~ swordsman who comes into conflict with his lack of scruples ya bastiche.

As for the purpose of his magic powers. Ignoring the 'cool' factor a big drive behind his power is that his power is uniquely malleable and as such he's been fought over for his utility which has made him very frustrated with the world and cold. It was also going to be a plot point with the Elven maiden in a 'last of her kind' way since as she sees the world in a completely different way. As such she's attracted to him for his magic, not because of what he can help her with, but just because he has it.

It's an attempt to kind of do a story of a completely damaged person meeting a completely damaged almost-person and both finding solace for it.

MadassAlex · 2011-12-28 02:01:55

Sounds like a plan. The elf strikes me as the sort who is mathematical in efficiency, yet not without emotion. For instance:

"If our objective is to take the scroll, why not just kill its keeper?"
"I owe him a favour. Besides, we could wake everyone else in the tower."
"Why not kill them?"
He pauses for a moment, taken aback. The pause is well spent, though; he begins to understand her.
"That would be inefficient. We'd be spending much time and many resources on people who aren't our real enemies."

Also.

I SHALL ASSIST YOUR RESEARCH ON THE WIELDING OF A SWORD WITH GREAT VIGOUR.

NO, FRIEND, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DISSUADE ME.

IT IS NOBLE OF YOU TO VALUE MY TIME SO GREATLY, BUT THERE IS MUCH HONOUR IN HELPING A FRIEND IN NEED.

Malkavian · 2011-12-28 02:11:18

Alex you kind of sort of stumbled upon what my idea encapsulated except you let me expand upon it.

The morality of the elves and humans is so alien that the only way the can explain why not to kill someone is mathematics.

Not automatically utilitarianism but explaining values and explanations.

It would add a new level of learning to each of their interactions.

The trouble is that I'd have to make a morality system that seems alien without being inconsistent.

or maybe it should be deliberately inconsistent to highlight how inhuman elves are...

Also is there any comment on his big moral thing being slaves? Is that too stereotypical? Because it's also a plot thing in how he meets the Elven maiden but that's not something that can't be changed.

MadassAlex · 2011-12-28 02:25:01

The slave thing seems fine.

Malkavian · 2011-12-28 02:47:14

It mainly comes from seeing the new Conan movie with my dad this Christmas and his big thing was slave and it felt like 'okay everyone can agree he's a good person because he doesn't like slaves' but I don't want to automatically make this guy a good person.

I guess that comes to my own writing skill though.

Waltzy · 2012-01-25 04:47:55

I have writer's block a bit.

And I miss this threaddddd~

Schitzo · 2012-01-25 12:15:26

Hey, it's this one thread where I never got any criticism XD

All Nines · 2012-02-06 22:03:02

I'm not asking for criticism, as I have yet to finish the next thing I would consider putting on the chopping block, or make comments on anyone else's work, but could anyone point me to any easy-to-digest resources for writing poetry? I'm about ten lines into what I think is a fairly decent little thing, but I really have no idea if I'm doing it right.

Malkavian · 2012-02-06 22:08:24

Working on my writing as we speak. Having the two broken people on traveling to the land of elves on a pirate ship.

I'm having trouble thinking of good names so I'm grabbing from public domain sources with the intent to change them later...

ClockworkUniverse · 2012-02-06 22:10:22

Would creating an RPG system fall under this thread? Because I've been working on that.

Malkavian · 2012-02-06 22:13:25

I'd say so, yeah.

All Nines · 2012-02-06 22:26:58

Hmm. Since I feel bad for not really providing any criticism during my stay here, I've taken a quick look at @Schitzo 's teen dramedy. As I've only skimmed it, I haven't really picked up on the more important aspects of the plot, or deeper meanings, or anything, but I have one comment to start with: the descriptions of the fight scenes in the first fight scene/second post are too tedious for the format; I'm not sure if you're hoping to convert it to a comic or anything, at any point, but as it is the fight choreography is much too specific for my liking, and it slows down the pacing of that scene considerably.

ClockworkUniverse · 2012-02-06 22:58:05

^^Okay then.

I'm still fairly early on in the process of making it, but here are some of the basic concepts:

Skills-based and classless

Specialty system (fairly similar to feats) for additional customization

Different equipment would have different situational uses

Magic system based on duality (i.e. a spell to start a fire could be used to freeze something by inverting it)

Malkavian · 2012-02-07 08:51:27

Urgh, I got a couple pages written today and now I'm suffering from that crippling 'oh god this is shit I suck so hard' syndrome.

All Nines · 2012-02-13 21:12:40

So, I have a bit of poetry, but I'm not sure if I'm doing anything wrong, as far as poetry goes, since I don't actually write poetry and mostly just need this for a portfolio, so I can look like I know a thing or two about poetry. Anyone who knows more about poetry have any thoughts on it?

They said I saw the forest for the trees,
Neglecting shadows lurking well beyond;
They said I spent too much time on my knees,
Fixating on reflections on the pond,
But honestly, I never liked the sky,
And, truth be told, I have no reason why.
Perhaps its brightness is unsettling;
Its clarity; its birds, the way they sing--
They sing of rain; of dew; of days that pass,
Quite beautiful, but such a fearsome mass,

Malkavian · 2012-02-13 21:15:25

Hmmmm, this English graduate who took two whole classes on poetry thinks it has a nice scansion and 'Fixating on reflections of the pond' is excellent in mood and imagery but there's a bit too much telling, not enough showing.

All Nines · 2012-02-13 21:18:41

It's sort of a talky poem; a guy talking to himself about how it's so much easier to keep his head down. I got the idea from my D&D game at BTL; in that game, it would be written by some druidic hippie as commentary on anti-intellectuals who shut themselves off from the world (the sky) and the news because they prefer the beautiful grime of the realms they can actually traverse. That's kinda tough to glean from an incomplete (not even close to complete, really) poem, though, and I have no idea how I would imply that it's supposed to be commentary. >_>

Malkavian · 2012-02-13 21:22:47

Well, I can't begin to comment there. However, I think think I should point out that since poetry depends on imagery more than prose does 'show don't tell' becomes even more important.

All Nines · 2012-02-13 21:26:10

I figure the imagery would come from his rambling; that opening stanza (or almost-stanza, or something) is sort of supposed to serve as exposition. The rest of the poem would be him on a walk, or something. I dunno; it's a very incomplete poem, and I wanted to see if I was or wasn't committing any cardinal sins against poetic technique, more than anything. Should have opened with that, but in any case, thanks.

Malkavian · 2012-02-13 21:27:47

I'm hardly an expert, but basic ideas are always good to know so at least that when you break them you know that you are and why.

All Nines · 2012-02-13 21:29:12

I'm just waiting for my English class to cover poetry, because I really haven't learned enough about it, and I don't really want to deal with the research right now. Though I suppose I should, if I need to finish a portfolio soon.

MillerCross · 2012-02-13 22:10:35

I'm hardly an expert, but basic ideas are always good to know so at least that when you break them you know that you are and why.

Most importantly, the best way of breaking the rules is knowing how to break them properly.

JackMackerel · 2012-02-14 06:51:31

Fuck.

Every time I force myself to keep writing, I lose steam until I force myself to fall into the pitfall of reediting over and over again.

And my mother's pushing me to write up an original novel, and I haven't gotten beyond thirty pages. =_=

All Nines · 2012-02-14 19:29:05

If it helps, I don't think there's anything wrong with continually reediting, in itself, unless there's a deadline coming up for school or something.

Also, I've sorta finished that poem (maybe I'll write a longer version for that D&D game. Maybe), but I hope it's not so ambiguous that it approaches pretension. >_>

MillerCross · 2012-02-19 02:48:49

It's 3 AM, and my voice saying "Fuck writing, bro. Criticize and mock others" seems to have died. Which is bad, but whatever. Read and tell me what you think, if you wanna

I don't know how to even start this thing. And that's possibly the worst start I could possibly give to an story. But maybe my unability to start and me admitting to do so will...help...yeah. this ain't going nowhere. Allow me to restart.

Hello. I have no idea whatsoever of where I am or what has become of me. Or...I do, I think. I just don't know what will become of me and where I will be after this. Take your seat and maybe I'll find out, tell youand you'll get to enjoy a delightful story of what am I even doing, this is even worse.

OK, you know what they say. Third attempt is the winner. Well, they don't say that, but I do hope this works, because I really need to put my thoughts down somewhere. Even if I don't know where that somewhere is and I am not holding the pen and paper. Which I guess hints you to my situation.

I seem to be in a place of blinding light with nothing holding me up or down. I'm just sort of...there. I can't possibly convey how this feeling works or...feels at all. It's...bizarre to say the very least. I'm currently, somehow. projecting myself into the real world and managing to move a pen over some paper in order to write this. I could strike text and whatnot, so this chapter would look and read better, but overall, I feel that this is better. I like honesty in writing and in art. It's something I dearly hold onto. Our daily lives simply does not allow us to be as honest as we can. We have to tell lies sometimes because it's convenient. Sometimes it's because we have to. But it is in stories and in images, where we get to show and see our true selves, where we are not limited by the restrictions that other people put on us in order to get the delicious, yet sometimes aggravating fruit that is social interaction.

Anyway, to whoever finds this, you're probably wondering, "who is this and why should I care?". Well, for one, you're getting a note from another existential plane entirely (Or that was what I was told. I'll get there. Eventually) and it's written by an invisible hand. Which is the kind of thing that you do not see every day. As for the other, you're reading the words of Pedro Rodriguez. I'm an unremarkable man. Or I was before this. I...should probably retrace my steps and think of everything that happened that lead to this. I should go the very beginning and then I guess I'll understand where I should go. The "now" isn't helping, at least. Maybe the "was" will.

Nova · 2012-02-19 02:52:59

Take your seat and maybe I'll find out, tell youand you'll get to enjoy a delightful story of what am I even doing, this is even worst.

I am not sure what this even says.

MillerCross · 2012-02-19 02:59:46

basically, stream of conciousness shit

Nova · 2012-02-19 03:09:16

Usually even that is phrased so that the reader does not have to reread it four times to understand.

Also, you meant to say "This is even worse". "Worst" is the most absolute form of worse".

MillerCross · 2012-02-19 03:12:17

Usually even that is phrased so that the reader does not have to reread it four times to understand.

Depends on what you're aiming for. It is supposed to come off as someone without any expertise in writing trying to convey something they simply can't convey, so stuff like silences, stops, restarts and crutch words would be expected. I took off the crutch words because they came across as word cruft to me. I'm not sure if as it is, it's that much better, of course.

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