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Comments
Fuck yar, Chagen. Show me more.
Chagen: I agree with the others. Make a comic. That would make an AWESOME comic
...Or cartoon, since you're interested in animation
It will start out like one of those stories. And then it will take the Eva/Madoka route--completely going to utter hell
I read a really good one that swung back around.
This can only go wrong.
What do people think is reasonable when it comes to the descriptions of arms and armour? Given my tendencies, I run the risk of overloading the audience with detail they won't remember. That said, I've tried to keep it as short as possible while retaining the necessarily details. For instance, when describing a sword, I commented on
- The blade length (in abstract terms, such as "long")
- The hilt length (likewise, "more than enough room for two hands")
- The crossguard ("straight, tapering into blunt spikes at the end")
- The pommel ("broadly oval-shaped, with a wedge forming a ridge at the point of greatest circumference")
Likewise, I have to describe the armour. In this case, a coat of maille. I tried to describe it based on where it ended:
- Above the collarbone
- At the wrists
- At the ankles
- The chain skirt is split up the middle to allow for greater movement
Is this two much detail where "chain coat" or "light, two-handed sword" would do?
Underneath was Alistair’s sword belt, which currently held his sword and dagger, both in scabbards. The inspector unsheathed the sword. It was long-bladed, and the hilt was roomy enough for three hands to hold it. The straight crossguard tapered into blunt spikes, and the pommel was oval-shaped with a wedge-like ridge at the point of widest circumference. It was sheathed and the dagger was inspected, which was similar in design. In this case, the blade tapered more heavily and the crossguard curved upwards on both sides, but it was obvious that the same hand had wrought both weapons.
... I should probably just simplify the pommel. ._.
Mankind had left earth for the stars
centuries ago. You couldn't even reasonably call most of the human
population earthlings
anymore. Earth long stopped being the center hub of human activity
for New Terra long ago. It seemed that a new era of exploration and
hope was upon us.
Of
course, where humanity goes, so too shall its criminals and
prejudices. Intergalactic war became common place as did all the
petty vices, not the least of which was the new golden age of piracy
across the inky sea that is the stars.
This
is a record of a group of such pirates. My name is William Silver and
I was once the cook for the glorious Pirate Ship Yog-Sothoth's
Wrath headed by the champion of
the Britannia, the terror of the American Empire, the Robin Hood of
the stars: Captain Halford Starstruck. (No, I don't know if that's
his real name. Stop asking.) More accurately, this is a record of how
the Wrath's crew came
to wealth so great that the entire crew was able to retire
comfortably. It's a record of high adventure and drama that I hope
will be remembered fondly alongside favorites such as The
Count of Monte Cristo, Sherlock Holmes,and
Through The Edge of The
Galaxy.
I
must apologize in advance as this record could not be called
completely a document of history. As, being only the humble chef of
such a great vessel, I was not present for many of the exciting
events to happen within. I was forced to depend on the accounts of
the crew for many of these recollections, many of which were
contradictory and some so preposterous that I had to use my better
judgment as to whether they would stretch the credibility of my
already fanciful story, despite the well-agreed-upon fact that truth
is stranger than fiction. I will make a note to mark such chapters
for which events I am absent from. I also must apologize for some of
the name changes as well as vague descriptions of crew members. While
all know that Captain Starstruck is currently a Lord of the Planet
Amaterasu,
there are others still of the crew who used their considerably found
fortune to become quite powerful businessmen and politicians and they
would be less than pleased about a simple chef (and hopefully
acclaimed novelist after this) telling the world about their less
than savory pasts.
Even
so, I've done my best to give an otherwise accurate account of those
days which many of us seem so nostalgic for, though at the time we
were all more than glad to get them over with. It is my hope that all
my old friends will find this an accurate account of their
adventures, and that you oh noble reader will enjoy this fanciful but
still completely true tale.
appropriate. If the sword as a whole were fancy, I'd just suggest using
a fancy pommel that happens to be easier to convey in text.
Well, it's not for the sake of the pommel being fancy. The central ridge has a twofold function:
- Its uneven shape is "autopilot" for a lighter grip, which is a necessity of good swordplay. One's grip should be firm, but not too tight.
- When using the pommel for striking, a ridge reduces the area of contact, concentrating force into a smaller area.
Perhaps something along the lines of:
"The pommel was in the shape of an oval, which sloped heavily in the middle and formed a width-spanning ridge"?
Actually, the Atheist is presented as a "hero". I just mean "perverted" as in, "has differing sexual norms than what society expects".
The real villian is probably the Christian's mother.
Some backstory: A while ago, I made a threa that somehow derailed into an AB/DL fic I was writing. Eventually, there was some discussion about the fic. One scene was heavily critisized by Cygan and a few other, because it basically fetishized and downplayed sexual harrassment that bordered on/was pretty much rape. Since then, I have always tried to avoid that in stories.
But here I am writing another fetfic. And a scene similar to the aforementioned one happens. I don't want to do that same mistake again. I know this is a pretty much a porn story, but it also aims to be more than that (It's a Slice-Of-Life, there's not even a single sex scene), and I don't like to have unfortunate implications like that.
Ugh. Just throwing this out there.
I find that hard to believe.
DYRE: I know, but I don't like unfortunate implications.
Do you want a slight summary of the scene? It's completely non-explicit and reads more like a plot summary anyway...maybe some context will help it make more sense.
This story takes place in the future, where Virtual Reality is a type of leisure activity enjoyed by many.
Enter Rom, our protagonist and resident AB/DL. after recieving a pair of VR Glasses (VRG for short) from his parents (who are never home) his friend, Gio, gives him the password and IP Adress of "Abnormal", a sort of DL/AB server where people can just kick back and have fun.
Enter Nina, an overbearing bitch who decides she's going to be Rom's "surragote mother" and quickly injects herself into his real life, much to his chargrin.
Also enter Tera, a girl who likes Rom. Through a complicated procedure, she finds out about Abnormal and enters herself. After getting over her initial shock, she decides to sometimes drop by and visit Rom, Gio, and Nina when they're playing.
Finally, enter Herz, a nerd-ish boy who is Rom's main "rival". He just forces his way in Abnormal and is surprised as what he sees. When he tried to leave, he is informed that proper administrative action must be taken because he hacked in.
The action? It's decided by whoever owns the area that was hacked into. It just so happens that this person is Nina. She then decides that Herz is going to have be Rom's "little brother" as a punishment for breaking the AUP/TOS of Abnormal. Herz (who is actually a closested Bisexual AND AB/DL) objects (Because this will reveal his secret and wreck his reputation as a "badass") , but Nina's word is law....
(You may also notice that all of the characters are named computer-related terms)
Cygan ins't reading this work because she's asexual.
Anyway, I don't want to have unfortunate implications because I don't exactly think glorifying metaphorical-rape is a good thing.
I... like the idea so far, but do you have an excerpt?
Nope, I'm still planning out the plot (there isn't really one, but everyone has to be introduced smoothly. Also, I just picked this back up yesterday.
And coming up with computer puns for names is a little more difficult that I thought. I don't want them to be obvious, but I don't want them to be awkward sounding.