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MEGA X SHIT CIRCUIT - MAXIMUM SHITPOSTING 98000k (NSFW)
Hey guys it's about time we had a megathread for shitposting that way we don't get megathreads everyday of unrelated shit plz
- Glenn Mage Harvey, the Mage of Glenns.
JUST IN CASE YOU FUCKERS wanted to know what a Glenn was it's a
Dubstep is now Dickstep because imagine DIcKS with super legs.
Brekaing the haaaaaaaaaaaaaaabit
IM BREAAAAAAAAAAKING THE CABINET
TONIGHTIGIGIHIIGIIIHHIIGIGHIIII[insert radio static hear]
METAL LEGS = METAL LEGS mother fuckser saberbitches? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo.
DID YOU KNOOOOOOOOW:
- That if the OP is always a faggot, that means only gay people make threads on the internet.
- The internet is a series of tubes, and the woman's heart is a series of tubes. Women's hearts draw men to them. Thus, the internet is a woman.
- There is no such thing as "Proof of Rape".
So this one time:
I was hanging out with this extremely hot teenage girl, and she bent over and said "Uncle, do you think you can pop my back?"
AND I WAS LIKE
This is SOOOOOO fucking VIRAL
VIRALFAG, You can't like anything DIFFERENT because you are a Samesheep, fucking fauxgamer faggot
...and then NOBODY LIKED F-ZERO beacause it had...ZERO fans
VIRAL VIRAL VIRAL VIRAL FAGGOTREE
Fuck F-ZERO, it be the fail,
Thios is mah dead waifu named Sessessiseessysisaysaysusa, and she is the lich queen
Confession time bra
I hAve to ADimit to you y'all that I am actually a Deady, and I have sex with dead waifus from long past
And also RAPE. Lots of and lots of and RAPE.
HEY FUCK YOU, MY LEG FISH
>implying ass-splitting dongs in my ass
have a good day. This shall be my primary shitpost thread to prevent it from getting any more VIRAL all over other threads. Have a nice DAY, or NOT
Comments
WOAH-OH-OH-AH-AH-AH-AAAA-HA-AH-AH-AH
WOAH-OH-OH-AH-AH-AH-AAAA-HA-AH-AH-AH
Errata May 2011
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MEGA X SHIT CIRCUIT - MAXIMUM SHITPOSTING 98000k
2612:00AM Vorpy
Minecraft
45May 8 Chagen
Minecraft fandumb
70May 2 snowbull
I am sick of complaining about the things I don't like about RPGs
64April 28 Icalasari
HORSE LEG SPIDER BRO FUCKING EXTREME
Better than the Internet. There's even porn
really ate. Another conversation droning on around me that I wasn't
really trying to be part of. Another boring dinner with co-workers that I
didn't really know, and didn't really want to know. Typical Wednesday
night for me. It had been like this for the past three months, every
Wednesday. Supposedly a suggestion from some 'higher-up' in the company
to help improve inter-office communication. I just thought it was
another way for the boss to control my life. I hated feeling controlled.
It was said that if you didn't attend these 'dinners', you didn't
exactly get into trouble, but you did find yourself... 'shunned' by
certain parties at the old water cooler. That would have been fine with
me. These were the same people that I ignored anyway. Unfortunately,
Sara, the only person I did consider an actual friend at the office,
lived for this extra attention from the 'office elite'. So here I was,
again, sitting beside Sara while she flirted and simpered her way into
another project that she wouldn't be able to even look at otherwise. Why
did I do this to myself? Because I had no life...or maybe I was just a
glutton for punishment.
"So have you met him yet?...Lila...have you met the new Manager for the
Public Relations office yet?" Oh shit, that was Peter, trying to pull me
into another senseless discussion about office politics.
"What? No, I thought they would pull in Marcy from Human Resources for
the job." Not that I really cared, but I had to say something.
"Heh, not this time. They hired from outside the company. Some
Euro-Trash from some minute little part of the world. I hear he doesn't
even speak English very well. Why, on Earth, would they hire from
outside, and pick someone who no one's even heard of, and some one who
speaks with such an indistinct accent, for a Public Relations position?
Much less to head it up?" he smirked.
"Maybe because he's good? Or maybe he's just that much better then you?"
I plastered a sickly sweet smile on my face as I over dramatically
batted my eye lashes at him. Giggles and chuckles ensued from all around
the table. Peter didn't like the joke. He frowned at me and heat
flashed in his eyes, for just the briefest of moments, then he smiled
too. Just as sickly sweet as I had, and just as fake. "Besides, why does
it matter to you anyway, Pete? It's not like you would have been up for
that promotion, now is it?" I sighed. That wiped the smart ass smirk
right off his smug little faced. This time my smile was genuine. He was
such a boorish dick, and I loved taking every little jab I could at him.
Just as he opened his mouth to respond, and I could tell it was going to
be nasty from the dark look on his face, the waiter stepped up with the
separate bills for each of us. That occupied everyone with the effort
of digging through wallets and purses to cover the cost of dinner that
night. Most of us just put it on this card, or that card, and made a
mental note to have it written off as a business deduction, and, if we
were lucky, be reimbursed for it later. Peter made a point of glaring
hard in my direction. I made a point of ignoring him. Although I knew he
would definitely try something tomorrow at work, he didn't dare try it
now...too many witnesses. That was alright with me...that's why I
carried mace in my purse.
I walked Sara back to her car as she blathered on about the little
tid-bits of office gossip she had picked up during the evening. Like I
would care, but sometimes she did seem to find the juicy stuff. Which
could sometimes come in handy when I needed an edge to get my hands on a
project of my own, or just to get people to keep their hands off of
mine. Sometimes I just liked letting people know that I knew, just to
watch them squirm. After watching her get in her car and drive out of
the parking lot, I walked the four or five steps to my car. I was so
absorbed in thinking about the wasted evening that I didn't notice him
at first. When I did finally see him standing at the back of my car I
nearly jumped out of my skin. I almost screamed, but there was something
about his posture, along with the very amused look on his face, that
made me think he wasn't about to attack me.
"What the hell are you doing? What do you want?" I started to reach for
the mace even before I finished my questions. He just stood there,
leaning against the back, driver's side of my car. Long legs stretched
out before him, ankles crossed, arms folded across his broad chest. Very
relaxed, almost nonchalant. He was wearing the typical 'Young
-business-go getter-heading-for-the-top-of-the-latter' suit. Dark
slacks, dark jacket, crisp white dress shirt. Even the plain, dark tie
he wore screamed "I'm trying very hard to look like I'm the boss!" Too
serious, and way too stark. Was he one of Peter's little lackeys left
here to try and intimidate me? "Look asshole, I don't know what you
think you're doing, but you'd better get the hell away from my car!"
Seeing his relaxed, almost passive, stance I felt a little more bold as I
started to step closer to the car door. As I pulled out my keys he
stood up to his full height, which had to be at least 6' 4", and his
smile broadened. His arms came down and moved to clasp his hands behind
his back, still trying to look complaisant, it seemed. I still kept one
hand on the mace in my purse, just in case. I was hesitant to actually
put my keys in the lock. I had heard too many tragic stories about women
being attacked as they tried to enter their cars, and the attacker
abducting them as well, using the victims' own car. I figured I had a
better chance to defend myself, or run if need be, out in the open.
Again I looked up to his face, trying to judge what he was going to do.
If I wasn't so freaked out by his alarmingly sudden appearance next to
my car, I would have found him attractive.
Mid thirties, maybe, but it was hard to tell. Thick, almost wavy, black
hair that was long enough to drop just a hint below his collar line.
Large, deep, calculating, dark green eyes that oddly enough made me feel
like I should be begging him to do something carnal to me. His mouth,
now that was beautiful. His lips were thick, soft, and begging to be
sucked on...so sensual. I could totally see myself happily nibbling on
those cherubic lips! A strong, kissable jaw line and proud, belletristic
nose completed his darkly angelic face. Oh, yes...he was tall,
athletically muscular, and beautiful to look at. Who was I trying to
kid? I was practically drooling, freaked out or not!
"Forgive me, Miss Brooks, I did not mean to startle you. I am Nicholaus
Kresimir Jelici. I was attempting to arrive at the dinner before
everyone left, so I could more formally introduce myself. I believe you
have heard that I was brought in...from outside the company, I believe
the term is, to be the new Public Relations Manager. Is this not so?" A
thick, but still discernible, Eastern European accent flowed over every
word he said. His voice was silky, warm, and extremely sexy. I tried to
swallow the lump past my throat and nodded, encouraging him to continue.
"Alas, I fear I am too late, it seems you are the only one left here. I
would trust that the dinner went well?"
He took a few slow steps towards me, smiling warmly, keeping his intense
eyes locked with mine. Why did I feel the urge to run? Why did I feel
so afraid? He seemed harmless enough, even solicitous, but something was
screaming inside my head. Something telling me to escape, to flee. I
couldn't move. He took a few more easy steps. "Tell me Miss Brooks, did
you find the conversation interesting, or were you as distracted as
usual tonight?" What? Distracted? Why can't I look away from him? His
eyes...they penetrate...numb me. A few more steps. "Did you feel bored?
Were you irritated by the petty childishness of you peers?" Irritated?
Yes, I was irritated, bored...but how did he know? Another step, now he
was only a few inches from me. So close I could feel the sensation of
his breath moving my hair as he bent lower to my face.
"Miss Brooks? Is everything alright?" I could hear the frown, the irritation in his voice. Get a grip girl, get control of yourself! Another deep breath, I forced myself to stay calm. I brought my guard up full charge, like I always did when I could tell that a man I didn't care for was trying to seduce me. I made myself cold, rigid, uncaring. Then I slowly raised my eyes to his again. I held tight to the guarded feeling and made myself look at him in a more impartial manner. I looked into his eyes, pushing past the demure, luscious mask he had frozen in place. Were his eyes colder? Yes, they were. There was a feral, alien look behind his sensuous facade. I took a step back. Anger clearly clouded his features, briefly, then was gone, again replaced with that solicitous smile. Another step back, and then another. He reached for my face again...that did it. I broke completely free from my paralysis, turned and ran, like a bat out of hell, straight for the restaurant. I didn't even look behind me to see if he followed. Just before I entered the doorway to the building I felt something brush against my back, almost snag my blouse, then seem to fall away. I didn't stop, but practically threw myself past the doorframe. Only then did I look behind me. No one was there. The sidewalk outside was empty.
I asked one of the male employees of the restaurant if they could escort me back to my car, telling him that I had seen someone near it in the parking lot, and was nervous about going out to it by myself. He asked another employee to walk with us and armed with two "big, strong men", I felt that I could manage to make it to my car. Luckily, Mr. Jelici, or who ever he was, was gone. The two men stayed by my car until I was able to get inside, lock all the doors, and start the engine. I waved, smiled gratefully, yelled "Thank you!" through the barely open window, and drove out of the parking lot. I took a deep, cleansing breath. "Ok, now everything's alright." Until tomorrow, I thought, when I had to show up at the office. Would he be there? Would I see him? Would he corner me in some out of the way spot? I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I knew that...thing was no run of the mill Public Relations Manager. At least not like any I had ever seen. I had to think about what I could do, but not right now. Now I needed to get home, triple check all the doors and windows, fix a nice, hot bubble bath and release all of this tension. Maybe even get some sleep...maybe.
I woke the next morning feeling as if I got absolutely no sleep. Exhausted, and feeling a bit cranky, I rolled out of bed to try and face the day. I realized that I couldn't bring myself to eat anything, so, grabbing a cup of orange juice, I hurriedly readied for work. I had so many ideas rambling around in my head, too many, as I drove to work. Had I really experienced what I thought I had last night, or did I just let my imagination run wild? Was there really something malicious behind Jelici's eye's, or was I just jumpy from having a stranger suddenly appearing next to my car in a darkened, empty parking lot? Was he really trying to seduce me, or was I being overly dramatic? Why did I still feel like my skin was crawling just thinking about the whole situation? Would it do any good to try to talk to someone about what I thought had happened, or would people think I was nuts? I decided to try Sara first. If anyone in the office would actually listen to me, it was her. Well...maybe.
I walked out of the elevator onto the tenth floor and again tried to think of what to say to Sara. Should I start with : " You know that guy everyone's talking about?" or go directly to "A funny thing happened to me on the way to my car last night." or try to find some medium? As I debated this I began to notice that the office seemed quieter then it did other mornings. Almost disturbingly so. What the hell was going on? Usually, this time of the morning, people are still talking about what went on in their dismal little lives the night before. Where was all the loud banter? I was so enthralled with this new development that I almost walked right on top of Sara, as she came around the corner. "Holy shit Lila, you scared the hell out of me!" she panted. "I've been looking all over for you, where have you been?" she seemed only half interested in whatever answer I would have given her. She seemed to be looking over my shoulder, searching the room behind me.
"I just got in. Listen Sara, I wanted to talk to you about something. Have you actually met that new Sectional Manager, Mr Jelici, yet? There's something fucked up about him. Last night I...Sara?" I noticed the strange look on her face then. She wasn't even listening to me. In fact she seemed somewhat...enraptured. I turned to see what it was that had so captured her attention. There he was. Standing not more then six feet from me. Tall, powerful, gorgeous...terrifying. He was looking right at Sara, right into her eyes. The intensity was almost palpable. I reached out for her arm, I wanted to pull her away, but she seemed, almost, to back away from me. "Sara? What's the matter with you? Where is everyone and why do you have that dopey look on your face? Sara!" She had started to move away from me, right towards Jelici.
This time I did grab her arm, "Sara! I'm talking to you, where are you going? Something's not right here, lets go to the break room and talk...Sara?" She was pulling her arm, hard, away from me, and, rather then have her hurt herself, or drag me across the floor, I had no choice but to let her go. I glanced at Jelici, watched as a depraved smile slid across his face, and began to back away from him. What the hell was going on? None of the staff was here; the whole place feels so...oppressive, twisted somehow, like someone's nightmare rolled out into the real word; Sara in some kind of trance; and some nut job, from God knows where, seems to be right smack in the middle of it all. Sara continued to glide over to Jelici, as if he was the only being in the whole world she wanted to be near. He reached out to her, she practically flew the last few steps, into his waiting arms. He turned her to face me, slipped both his arms around her waist, and, again, gave me that lewd, vicious smile. I thought my heart would freeze.
"Well now, isn't this sweet." he purred. " I was beginning to think you had become as jaded as I was. You care for this creature?" He brought his left hand up to Sara's face, smoothing his finger tips across her cheek. She shivered and gasped, all the while an almost euphoric look was shining from her wide eyes and flowing across her face. "I would have believed that was beneath you. You are not like most others here, you are more...unsparing, shall we say." He began to slide his fingers down the side of Sara's throat, caressing her skin. She was shivering even more and a slow, soft moan escaped her lips. "I was wondering if we might have some time to get acquainted, privately of course. I feel a certain...connection to you that I wish to explore farther." Huh... not bloody likely asshole!
I started to back up again, trying to think of where I could go. He didn't seem to truly want Sara, maybe he'd lose interest if he thought he had to come after me. Or maybe he'd tare her throat out if I ran. What the hell was he?! I could feel a heavy, almost smothering power, or something, impelling from him, surging towards me. I had no choice, if I didn't run now, I might never run...ever again. "I'm so sorry Sara." I almost choked out the words. His face seemed to frown and look amused at the same time. I turned and bolted for the stairs. A strange cackling growl ripped through the air...he was laughing. I ran faster.
Confused, distressed and a little pissed off now, I couldn't help but show my emotions on my face. He read them fully and bowed his head, slightly, looking at me through his thick lashes. "You must forgive me Lila, it was a necessity. I had to be sure."
"Oh, and you couldn't just read my mind, or whatever it is you do? You know how scared I was, why didn't you just tell me last night?" I practically shrieked at him. The almost abashed look on his face made me feel more in control. In fact, it would have been comical, had I not just felt like I had been running for my life a few moments before.
I made it to the stairs, and down the next four flights of stairs before I realized he wasn't behind me. Was it that easy? It couldn't be. I started to wonder if he was somewhere down below me already. With what I felt of his...power, I wouldn't be surprised. Something told me to be still for a moment, to catch my breath, to listen for anything that might tell me if he was pursuing me. I suddenly felt too tired to run anymore. I was terrified and I didn't even want to think of what he had done to Sara. And where the hell had the rest of the staff been? He couldn't have gotten to everyone, not so quickly. Could he? This was fucking unbelievable! I had a crappy week already, and now I had to come to work and face some kind of demon, or something. Did I look like a priest? What the hell was I supposed to do? "Actually, I'm not a demon, although I can see why you would think that, and I didn't do anything to you're friend. She is at her desk as we speak, alive and vibrant, albeit somewhat dazed. If you're through skulking about in the stairwell Lila, you may come see for yourself." Oh shit...I looked above me, to the next staircase. There he was, leaning forward and glancing down at me, smirking.
I started to move again, started to run, then I felt a strong hand grab my right arm. Damn, he was fast! "Lila...enough! I have no intention of hurting you, and I didn't hurt Sara. As for the rest of the staff, they were at a meeting, one I asked for, so that they would all be removed from the main floor at the same time. I wanted to make sure that you had no...distractions."
"Why? What do you want with me?" I was very close to screaming bloody murder and I was still trying to pull away from him. All of my pulling and tugging didn't even seem to phase him, let alone move him. "Get the hell away from me you son of a bitch!"