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(NSFW) I had sex with fire last night

BobBob
edited 2011-05-26 13:25:14 in Meatspace
AND IT

WAS

AWESOME
«134

Comments

  • Trash_VortexTrash_Vortex
    edited 2011-05-26 13:29:04
    Was the sex also on fire?

    Edit: Is that why I can smell burning?
  • BobBob
    No, but I was. It's like he was fucking me... from the inside.
  • Trash_VortexTrash_Vortex
    hot
  • BobBob
    It was weird... First, he was fucking me, then, he was inside me, then he burnt me and I was a puffy, cloudy ball of smoke, and everything was white, and I found my body again but I was being decapitated, and somehow that turned me on, so I'm walking around without a head and suddenly my head was back on but I was a dragon. A cute, tiny, red dragon. I found out my real mother was a beautiful, blue-haired ancient goddess and that I was divine, and then for some reason I was having sex with myself.
  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    Does this have anything to do with A Song of Ice and Fire? Because I still need to read that. 
  • GelzoGelzo
    Pony Sleuth
  • NyarlyNyarly
    Likes cheesecake unironically.
    That reminds me of a mad lib of Cast Away, I saw in a comedy show several years ago. In that Costner's character (I forgot his name and frankly don't care) bragged that he fucked the fire but used a condom (I never saw it, but I think in the actual movie he successfully made fire). It was actual the second mad lib, in the first he said that he wanked into the fire.
  • BobBob
    ...I'm confused.
  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    You're confused?
  • BobBob
    edited 2011-05-26 14:12:12
    But, you guys, typing things I don't know, I don't even know what Cast Away is.

    Wait.

    My ribs are on fire.
  • NyarlyNyarly
    Likes cheesecake unironically.
    It's a FedEx commercial movie with Kevin Costner. Basically Robinson Crusoe with a basketball (that serves as Costner's companion).
  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    Yes. Kevin Costner. 
  • BobBob
    Oh.

    I saw Scootaloo last night. She asked me why I hated her, and I was like "I don't hate you. I just like seeing you in pain." And she was like whaaaat?

    So I kicked her in the face as she drifted away.
  • NyarlyNyarly
    edited 2011-05-26 14:31:42
    Likes cheesecake unironically.
    As I read now, it was actually Tom Hanks. I wonder why I thought of Kevin Costner...

    Probably because of a reference to one or two Costner movies in a Mad parody comic of Cast Away.
  • BobBob
    Okay, that Cast Away I do know. You really had me confused for a moment.
  • BobBob
    Everything is fire. My hair is on fire, the air from my fan is fire, my clothing is on fire. I am fire.

    The fleshy nublets on my breasts are hot coals, and there's a volcano in between my legs. Fire is rising out of my mouth, my skin is flowing magma, my blood is boiling over. My vision is red.

    I'm drowning in a sea of flames, engulfing me, caressing me, cradling me.
  • NyarlyNyarly
    Likes cheesecake unironically.
    As the internet taught me, someone is surely getting off of this.
  • BobBob
    They can stop. Or they can just get off to it, I don't mind.

    Just don't tell me who's getting off to this.

    I swear to god it feels like I'm burning, and I like it.
  • NyarlyNyarly
    edited 2011-05-26 14:48:37
    Likes cheesecake unironically.
    I swear to god it feels like I'm burning

    Call me crazy, but I think you are burning.
  • BobBob
    But then I'd be dying. I'm only just coming alive.
  • ClockworkUniverseClockworkUniverse
    OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    This thread got so much squickier when the fridge logic related to "sex+burning sensation" dawned on me.
  • BobBob
    But I'm clean. I don't have anything.
  • vacasamavacasama
    Woki mit deim Popo.
    It sounds like a case of heartburn except for the sex.  I really can't picture anyone having boinking heartburn.
  • BobBob
    It was more like bodyburn.
  • vacasamavacasama
    Woki mit deim Popo.
    and it was somehow erotic?  If that happened to me, I would screaming, "IT BUUURNS!!".
  • BobBob
    It was wonderful. Imagine flowers blooming inside of your body, moving around, touching every part of your being, so faint on soft, yet intense enough to make you scream and twitch and howl. It's like being buried in ecstasy itself, being decapitated by joy and having bliss forcefully stuffed down your open neckhole. It's like, a rainbow bursting out of your body as you explode into a million tiny pieces of bubbly excitement. It's like being eaten alive by fun, it's teeth crushing your skull in between two twin slabs of adventure.

    Being a masochist helps.
  • Wicked223Wicked223
    We Played Some Open Chords and Rejoiced, For the Earth Had Circled the Sun Yet Another Year
    Did Bob just have sex and can't tell us about it without getting all cheesy-fantasy-romance on us?
  • BobBob
    Depends on how you define sex, but I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

    But for one moment, I wasn't there. It was just the fire.
  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    Then it's masturbation. Duh. 
  • BobBob
    edited 2011-05-26 23:28:43
    I kouldn't. I didn't want to burn my fingers.
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