DonZabu Plays Kanon in G Major on the Flute

DonZabu

Just kidding, I'm playing Kanon the visual novel.

Now, I played this game some time ago, and I'm not gonna lie, I still have kind of a soft spot for it. But that doesn't mean I can't liveblog it right?

If you aren't familiar with this game, allow me to jog your memory:

Yes, this game is where that came from. Bear with me.

So, the above screen is the title screen, and the first thing we're going to do is change the main character's name:

I'm open to suggestions, but if none of the names suggested strike a chord with me, I'm defaulting to Dick Grabrod, as a tribute to William Shakespeare. Also as a constant reminder to myself that, for all the time I spend playing this, I could be reading Shakespeare. Or getting a handjob.

nohaynicklibre

Name:Mah Boi

And what's with the trend of liveblogging Visual Novels?

DonZabu

^ Seems like they're a pretty simple format to liveblog, what with the periodic A-or-B choices and all.

Waltzy

Make the name "I Say" so everyone sounds like Foghorn Leghorn~ 8D

Icalasari

Make. the name, "I'll shrink the images so the posts don't stretch the screen!"

...Fucking phone >.>

Anyways, a serious suggestion: Uguu Uguu. Because I can't think of anything else after that video

IanExMachina

Cock Chops

Please.

DonZabu

"Mah Boi" it is.

Now that we've got that out of the way, we can start the game proper.

And here's the first screen we see:

No shit.

So, Boi is sitting on a bench in the middle of the snow. What's he doing there? Let's wait and see.

I take "sighing white vapor" to mean that he's chain-smoking like a fiend. Mah Boi can hardly survive the day-to-day struggle of his life without the blissfull release of a few dozen unfiltered menthols. That's what Vietnam did to him.

So anyway, it's three o'clock in the afternoon.

Either he's waiting for someone and they're late, or he's hoping the word "late" will act as an incantation to send the snow clouds away. I wouldn't put that past him; he is, after all, sitting on a park bench for what's probably been several hours. He could be a crazy homeless man for all we know.

Along with the memories those Charlie bastards ingrained in him.

So, he talks about the snow some more, using various oppressive-sounding metaphors to describe it, until finally something different enters his vision:

Apparently, her name is Girl. How's it going, Girl?

Oh God, she's actually talking to this guy. What kind of idiot are you, Girl?

Clearly, Boi wants nothing else than for Girl to get out of his face. Look at him, trying to blow smoke at her.

Oh dear. I think this girl needs the concept of an "hour" explained to her. We've got a live one.

So she asks for the time, he tells her it's three o'clock, and then this:

That means she doesn't understand what you're saying at all.

And that probably means she downed a few benzos before wandering out here. Stick around with her, and you could probably find her stash.

AM I KAWAII UGUU~?

"No, I'm Barbados, chilling out on the beach, wearing my favorite man-thong. OF COURSE I'M COLD YOU IDIOT!"

Or that. That works too.

So she hands him a can on coffee:

Oh, so apparently these two know each other. Well I still like my stressed-out-homeless-Vietnam-vet-meets-teenage-druggie-in-the-park idea. I'm sticking with that. Maybe this is just something Girl is making up in her drug-induced stupor, and Boi is going along with it because "fuck it". The coffee she just had with her to counteract the Xanax.

"My childhood was less snowy. That's about it."

I just wish you could modify the girl's names in this game. That'd make it so much more rewarding.

"No, but I vaguely remember a shitty Zelda game, where this guy said..."

"Does that help?"

So Boi guesses some names for Girl before finally saying:

I'll say. /hastoscreencap,upload,andmakeupjokesforallthiscrap

Then the girl won't shut up about him not getting her name right, until finally:

"That's not my name, but I'm too fucked up to care. Weeee!"

---

So, that was the first scene. We'll get to the next one later. For right now, I need to take a break.

Icalasari

Mah boi, this snow is what ALL true warriors strive for!

Wicked223

I can tell that joke's going to be made a thousand times before this LP is even halfway over.

DonZabu

So here we go again. After that previous sequence, we see this:

Then we see the first of many long, stupid dream sequences in which little tidbits of bad poetry and unanswered questions go by in tiny letters over a white backdrop. Believe me, I'm doing you guys a huge favor by skipping those.

Once the dream sequence is done, you wake up to this:

Oh dear. Looks like the feds discovered your lolicon stash. They're coming up the stairs right now. Quick! Jump out the window!

Or just go to sleep some more. That works too.

Oh, it's just a teenage girl meandering about outside your room. That's much better.

Jesus, this girl pops Seconals like breathmints.

Actually, I think that's Nayuki falling over after her motor skills give out. But either way, the room's quiet again.

So here we come to our first big decision:

We can either stay in bed some more, or we can get up and see what's going on. On one hand, this is probably the first time Boi has slept in a bed in months, so he should have every opportunity to savor the moment. But on the other hand, it might be a good idea long-term to get up and try to figure out exactly which house you ended up in, and to make sure you won't be thrown out again.

The choice is yours, America the Internet IJBM.

DonZabu

Decision still open.

Vorpy

Stay in bed!

Icalasari

Go find out!

With a knife!

Forzare

Stay in bed!  Ignore life!  Be a winner!

Bee

You bastard, I was ready to give constructive musical critique   >:[

DonZabu

Bed sores it is, then.

Please, try not to stain the bed.

Oh.

As he gazed around the room, he slowly pulled his old bowie knife out of his boot holster, ready to gut whatever was making it so damn cold.

And SHAZAM, he's out of the bed!

"I mean, I keep my bench neat and all, but nothing like this."

"That girl took me back to her place and let me sleep in the spare room. Bless her heart; she had no idea what she was doing."

"So long as these guys are letting me bum off them, I might as well take full advantage."

She was planning that.

Well, you could ditch class and smoke pot, like any other high school student.

Suddenly, she sees you:

Oh God, she is planning everything. Beneath that drug-addled-dumbass exterior lies the cold, seething rage of a class-A yandere. Get out of there while you still can, Boi!

Yeah, I take that back.

"What do I look like, the Mexican housekeeper?"

Yeah, maybe "funny" is not the best word. "Impractical fondant-styled monstrosity" might be a better descriptor.

That's funny, I don't see her holding a uniform at all. Unless the uniform's invisible, in which case: score!

"Well maybe if you did less ecstasy..."

"Just like your face in 30 years. Deal."

So she changes into her uniform, the whole time talking about her athletics club meeting that she's late to, and the two of them head downstairs.

Boi can see the clock behind her; it's actually 2 in the afternoon. He just doesn't have the heart to tell her.

New choice time:

Either she can show him around town, or she can help him unpack his belongings. Which will it be?

Whatever the choice, I act it out tomorrow. Right now, I'm going to sleep. 'Night.

Vorpy

That's funny, I don't see her holding a uniform at all. Unless the uniform's invisible, in which case: score!

I had a keikaku all along...

Do the belongings one. She gets to touch your stuff. Girls like touching stuff. and what has her name again? oh Nayuki.

Icalasari

Well I was ninja'd by 15 minutes

Uh... Go around town. Else we'll find out that he doesn't have a knife

nohaynicklibre

Belongings!

Also that art looks like shit

IanExMachina

Belongings.

All Nines

Belongings. Nothing like making a girl handle your underwear to seduce her.

[At this point, I'm certain that everyone is deliberately going to pick the bad choices for you. That's what I'm trying to do.]

Vorpy

It's not as shit as I notice, meaning that it's very okayish. Not amazing, but not bad enough to annoy me.

nohaynicklibre

At least the music in Key's novels is good

Lolol I'm posting a MAD

Vorpy

What is that annoying screeching?

-closes the youtube panel-

DonZabu

Just so you guys know, the other choice would've led to the first uguu~ encounter, IIRC.

"And by that, I mean the crates of cigarettes that I brought over?"

"I'm an equal opportunity employer. Now get crackin'!"

That's better.

Whoa! What have we got here?

I'd like to make it in time with you, if you catch my drift.

"Good morniiiiiiing~, nurse!"

Wow. Whole family digging into the pillbox, huh?

Yeah, Boi knows what I'm talking about.

Quiet, Nayuki. You're messing with Boi's game here.

Damn straight.

"And I'm Catholic. Not all of us can get what we want, now can we?"

"Lady, I don't give a damn about what your lethargic daughter wants, I wanna get some food down this gullet of mine. Does that sound like a reasonable proposal to you?"

"And she doesn't even hear me. I'll pretend that's the Vicodin talking."

Hey, that's what you get for raving all night and then sleeping in.

Bless her heart for putting up with all this. Bless her sexy, sexy heart.

-flipping through channels- "Hey, what's this? Something called 'My Little Pony'? Huh, this is...kind of nice actually..."

SIX HOURS LATER...

"And I frantically shuffle with the remote to get the ponies off the screen before she sees."

And so, they all have lunch, and since Boi hasn't cooked a meal for himself in God knows how long, Nayuki and her mom prepare lunch while he sets the table.

"It was hard to decide which one was more boring."

"Pretending I was a mech pilot..."

"WHOA!"

"It's just, your outfit. It's kind of a surprise to see them using a different sprite set for once."

"Oh yeah. Gun rack goes on the left, booze on the right, porno mags on top of the bed."

"No it's not. You just don't know what a REALLY big load looks like."

"...that came out wrong."

"Geeze, all the time this girl spends moaning, you'd think she was in some kind of porno game."

Are you kidding me? What kind of athlete are you? Come on, Boi! Tell her to pick up the pace!

...or that. That works too.

Yeah, that's pretty close to the reaction I'd have there.

So, do we haul our own shit up to our room, or do we let the graham-crackerish waif try again, possibly breaking something in the process?

Vorpy

The responses as of far are very entertaining.

Also is this an H-Game or just a VN? I actually don't know what is going on with that so yeah.

Either way, things can only get better if you....MAKE HER DO IT. Remember, she said she wanted to try again, right? MAKE HER DO IT.

DO EET.

Her servitude to you is the key to unlocking her heart.

DonZabu

>Also is this an H-Game or just a VN? I actually don't know what is going on with that so yeah.

It's an H game. The sex scenes are really tacked on, though. Could be taken out completely and not make a bit of difference.

nohaynicklibre

Make her do it

And the sex scenes with this style must be traumatizing

Bob

Please tell me you're not being serious about this. I know doing this ironically wouldn't be much better, but I seriously don't want to think you actually play shit like this, Don.

IanExMachina

Make her do it!

Icalasari

Take it up yourself

You guys cost him Uguu, dammit!

...That sounded like a euphimism for sex