General writing discussion.

fourteenwings

I'm so laaaaaaazy...

I mean, my story is planned in detail up to the 18th chapter and I've written down the entire bare-bones plot but I've barely started on chapter Episode 9.

FeoTakahari

^ Have you got anything to motivate you? Any sort of reward you've promised yourself when you finish? I understand that can help.

fourteenwings

No. But it's an interesting idea... What kind of reward?

Malkavian

So I had an idea for a story I've been bouncing around in my head.

'The Miskatonic Reform School for Wayward Girls'

Basically the concept would be a bunch of girls who had, for some reason, come in contact with the mystic aspects of lovecraft and be put in a reform school for their 'lies'.

Ideally it'd be a moody meeting of Lovecraft and Indiana Jones with highschool girls. 

Quick question: How much research (being neither female nor a member of a reform school) do you think I should do? 

I know some of the reports of sexual abuse in such schools, but I'd rather not focus on that (though I don't want to completely ignore it)

Also if anyone knows of historical resources I'd appreciate them.

FeoTakahari

^^ That depends on what you normally do instead of writing. (In general, most "rewards" of this nature are really of the form "I'll abstain from doing X until after I've done a certain amount of writing for the day"--though some can be of the form "I'll do X after I've completed this amount of writing," particularly if X represents eating some manner of treat.)

fourteenwings

Hmmm, that might work...

fourteenwings

A short summary I just worked on:

Cameron Rivera lives in the perfectly boring rich section of SoCal and attends one of the perfectly boring private schools. Everything changes when she gets an odd idea; Why doesn't she use her AP and Honors skills to re-invent the social hierachy? Put the Band geeks and Cheerleaders on top while knocking the Lacrosse and Soccer teams down to last place 'nerds' even though they get the most school staff support? She enlists her college-aged 'youth center success story' cousin and a former soccer player to help her and see if High School hierachies are as fragile as they appear. Of course, there's also the question of whether hurting an entire school to experiment is okay, bored or not.

Nova

well, whatever. this does really need to go here. i'll just like... hide.

Six years after she was born, she met the Princess for the first time.

Her father was presenting a sword to the King. It was fine craft, perhaps the best the land had yet seen.

She paid no attention to the ceremony. She had eyes only for the girl with long, black hair and jade-green eyes.

When the ceremony was complete, she asked her father to introduce her to the Princess.

She forgot her manners while introducing herself, and bit her tongue.

Long after the introductions are over, when she and her father are walking home, she closes her eyes and remembers the sound of her Princess laughing.

---

Twenty-two years after she was born, she meets her Princess again.

She kneels formally, offering her blade and her life in her Princess's service. She was presented with the tunic of the Royal Guard.

Her Princess attaches the badge of the Guard to her tunic. Her face flushes as her Princess flashes her a quick grin and a kiss on the cheek before standing back and accepting her blade.

She remembers the kiss for days afterwards.

---

Twenty-seven years after she was born, her Princess was stolen from the castle, her family murdered.

She accompanies a young member of the Guard in his search for her. Blond hair and blue eyes; she remembers thinking that he complimented her Princess in that. She hated him for it.

---

Twenty-eight years after she was born, she finds her Princess.

A rebel prince had stolen her from her castle. She can't remember what the original plan was.

A marriage was announced. Her Princess would marry the rebel prince, allying their two armies and making their nation stronger.

---

Thirty-two years after she was born, her blond friend cornered her in the courtyard.

It was a quiet discussion, she remembers. He talked about his feelings for her Princess, and his hatred for the prince that had stolen her away from him.

It was his last sentence that shattered her.

But then you love her too, don't you?

--- 

Thirty-two years after she was born, her blond friend died.

His body was brought in through a side gate. His face was unmarred, but his torso was bloodied beyond recognition. Arrows studded his corpse.

She mourned quietly, as was the tradition of the Guard.

And if others of the Guard heard her speak to his grave one night, none mentioned it.

If others of the Guard heard what she said, none of them knew what to make of it.

Forever, she told his grave. I would love her forever.

---

Thirty-five years after she was born, her Princess was stolen again.

She accompanied the prince and the court wizard to rescue her.

---

Thirty-seven years after she was born, her Princess found them.

The warlock who had captured her Princess lay dead at her feet. She stared at his face, and smiled.

Her Princess was safe again, and that was all that mattered.

---

Forty-nine years after she was born, she realized she had not aged.

Her face still retained the same smoothness it had when she was thirty-seven. Her hair had not yet turned grey, and her face was not starting to wrinkle.

---

Fifty-four years after she was born, the court wizard finally figured out why she was not ageing.

She was immortal, he told her. The warlock had cursed her in his death, to never die, to never embrace the solace of the final sleep.

It wasn't much of a curse, he said, scowling. In fact, it almost seemed like a boon.

The fool.

---

Sixty years after she was born, her father died of old age.

If her brothers found it strange that she visited more, they never said anything.

---

Seventy-three years after she was born, the last of her cousins in her generation died.

She dug the graves herself.

It was the only apology she could offer.

---

One hundred and eight years after she was born, her Princess died.

It was a miracle she had lived for so long, people said. She had been a wise and just ruler, bringing a new age of peace and prosperity to the land.

She abandoned her post as Captain of the Royal Guard soon after.

It was too painful, watching everyone she knew die.

---

Three hundred and fifty years after she was born, someone found her.

An intrepid adventurer, a dashing thief, a swashbuckling swordsman.

He begged her to teach him her way with the sword. She told him, slay the dragon that lived at the top of the mountain first. Then I will teach you.

Nobody survived fighting the dragon. That was how she maintained her peace.

He survived.

So she taught him.

---

Three hundred and fifty-one years after she was born, he died.

---

Six hundred and twenty years after she was born, she realized she had forgotten what her Princess sounded like.

On that day, she travelled back to the castle. Nobody recognized her.

She curled up on her Princess' grave and went to sleep.

---

Nine hundred years after she was born, the world had changed, and she was finding it hard to keep up.

The world had gone from one of iron and magic, demons and dragons, to one of steel and electricity, where the biggest disaster looming was that of global warming.

She took an art class, and settled in to her new life.

---

Nine hundred and twelve years after she was born, a child asked her why she always drew the same woman.

Well, she told him, it's so that I don't forget what she looks like.

---

Nine hundred and seventy-four years after she was born, the first civilian ship breached the Solar System and made it to Alpha Centauri.

When she heard the news, she shook her head in disbelief.

What would they come up with next?

---

Six thousand years after she was born, they rediscovered magic.

Of course, by now, they had no real need of it. Anything that magic could do, technology could do, or so they thought.

Technology could not make one truly immortal, however.

---

Eleven thousand years after she was born, the government started playing God.

Creatures started appearing on uninhabited planets. They all looked vaguely humanoid; they all stood upright, they had between two to four legs, they had recognizable heads and faces, they all had arms.

She wondered if she could learn how to make someone.

Pictures just weren't the same.

---

Twelve thousand years after she was born, the last of her family dies.

She is silent at the funeral. The people around her are giving her odd looks, wondering who she was.

She didn't care.

She bites her lips to keep from crying.

Nova

Sixteen thousand years after she was born, she realized that she had forgotten her name some time ago.

She was so used to changing her name every few years that she had long given up keeping track of the names she had used previously. Somehow, her original name had gotten lost, as well.

She hides in a cave. The closed space and the darkness comfort her.

---

Twenty-five thousand years after she was born, she found out that she truly could not die.

The passenger ship she was flying on was caught in the explosion of a dying star. The ship was instantly torn to shreds and sent hurtling towards a nearby planet.

She hung on to a piece of debris, trying not to get flung away. Who knew how long it would take her to land on a planet if she missed?

When people approach the planet several months later, she sneaks aboard their cargo bay, snickering as she remembers the last time she had done this (she had been so determined, back then- I must save the Princess!).

They never catch her.

---

Forty-four thousand years after she was born, her people had forgotten that they were the ones to originally create the aliens now mixing with her people on board the capital ship.

In truth, at times, she was hard-pressed to remember, or if she had simply made it up.

---

Eighty-one thousand years after she was born, she realizes that she was still a virgin.

Her laughter is swallowed by her drink as she drains it, hoping to forget once more.

---

One hundred thousand years after she was born, she contemplates ending the world.

She discards the idea soon after conceiving it. She did not actually know if it was possible, and it would not be fair to everyone else, whose only crime was existing when she did.

Still, she sometimes considers the idea before she lies down to sleep at night. It is the only way she could find peace again.

---

One hundred and sixty-two thousand years after she was born, she realizes that she has nearly forgotten her first hundred years of life.

She has few flashes of it, these days. She remembers a young blond boy with a determined smile. She remembers digging a grave for her brothers- the grave was crude, she laughs silently to herself, barely passable for a rectangle. She remembers black hair, green eyes, and a kiss on a cheek.

She remembers a single word. Forever.

---

Two hundred and fifty thousand years after she was born, she steps foot on her old house once more.

It is no longer a house; it has long been taken over, to build an apartment, housing hundreds of people. She buys it.

The castle is still there. Not in shape, but in purpose and intent. The Senate building stands tall there, the largest building on the planet.

She walks through, and nobody interrupts her.

The courtyard she remembers is still there. Larger, of course; it has to fit hundreds times more people.

She sits on a bench, and she tries to remember.

---

Four hundred thousand years after she was born, she tries to remember if her Princess ever existed at all. She remembers very little of her; a smile, warm green yes, silky black hair, and a kiss on the cheek that was over almost before it began.

She laughs. It doesn't matter if her Princess was real or not; either way, her heart still leaps when she thinks of her.

---

Nine hundred thousand years after she was born, she wonders if she is insane.

Her memories, at this point, are broken, scattered, confused. She remembers a time before there were aliens, but all records insist that aliens have lived with humans forever. She remembers her Princess, but no records of her exist. She remembers thousands of years of solitude, on an empty, frozen wasteland, and thinks that that would drive anyone insane. She remembers being caught in a dying star, once, but surely nobody could survive that.

She shoots herself in the head.

Three days later, she wakes, and begins to laugh.

Yes, she is immortal. Yes, she is insane. Yes, she is crying.

---

Nearly two million years after she was born, she nearly dies.

The Lord stands above her, choking on a blade that had just cut through his throat. She remembers, just moments ago, being the one in his position; being stabbed by his hand, and feeling her life drain from her, finally, for the first time.

Instinctively, she had kicked out, wanting to die, wanting to live.

She had fallen off his hand, and survived. And now he was dead.

She cried over his corpse.

---

She wonders if it has been five or six million years since she was born. She has lost count, and the calendars change too much for her to keep track of.

So she begins to count again.

---

Four million, nine million, millions of years after she was born, she wonders why she exists.

She has wondered this many times before, but each time, she forgets.

As always, she is left wondering. Nobody can tell her.

---

Twenty million, twenty-five million, the distinction no longer matters. A thousand Ages after she was born, she wonders if a God exists.

She knows that she will never be able to find out.

It's a good way to pass a millennia or two, though.

---

Ten thousand times ten thousand years after she was born, she meets another immortal.

He claims to be over three thousand years old. She humors him, pretending to be twice that.

They hang around together for a few millennia, before she gets bored and leaves.

---

Ten thousand times one hundred thousand years after she was born, she realizes that she has not thought of her Princess for over a week.

She wonders if she is beginning to heal, at last.

She wonders if she is beginning to forget.

She hides in a cave and sears the memory of her Princess in.

She will never forget.

---

Ten thousand times ten thousand times ten thousand years after she was born, civilization collapses.

She waits in a cave.

It takes nearly fifty thousand years for the first planet to rediscover space travel.

She discovers she has a fondness for mushrooms covered in orange juice.

---

She is no longer sure that there is a number long enough to describe how long she has been alive.

Today, she discovered that even if you lived as long as she had, it is not possible to have seen it all.

She sits on a dying planet and watches the way the water steams under the sun's heat.

---

She is older than most planets when she sees it.

Her heart freezes as she sees a twirl of black hair. As the girl twists to touch her friend's hand, she catches a glimpse of jade-green eyes, and her heart starts beating again, almost painfully.

The girl's life is over in two hundred years, in the blink of an eye.

She watches from afar.

---

Eternity is a long time. Sometimes, as she tries to sleep, she wonders if she will live long enough to see a fraction of eternity go by.

She hopes not.

She knows she will.

fourteenwings

Honestly, that's amazing Nova. I loved it.

lrdgck

I'm willing to second that.

Nova

Thanks, guys. It is... good to hear people like it.

Uh, if it's not too much bother to people, could anyone tell me where they think it's a bit rough, so I can improve it a bit? :V

MillerCross

Ugh, I've been having a recent desire to write something involving a big cast, but all I can think of is "Avengers (Or Justice League) fanfictions" and oh my god that is definetly a pitfall i don't wanna fall in.

Kraken

Make your own Avenging League, then.

No Amalgams, though. That sort of shit be dumb. No, what I mean is make your own team of superheroes.

Alkthash

See updates Kraken. 

Kraken

I know, I know.

fourteenwings

My writing suddenly got kinda gory.

There goes the idea that this was going to be a fun magical girl story with a little teen drama thrown in.

Schitzo

POST IT NIGGZ

fourteenwings

“Everyone okay?” Bria asked, Zoë was still clutching the steering wheel, blood flowing down her knuckles where they had been cut by windshield glass, Wade had ducked further into the backseat and was sitting in the fetal position.

 

Bria looked outside, two of the monsters Laurie was so hell-bent on fighting had appeared and were throwing cars around like rag dolls. She hated to admit it, but she knew she had to save her friends.

 

“Zoë, Wade, get out!” it seemed to snap the two seniors out of their stupor. It worked, they both got up and rushed outside the car with Bria close behind them. But as they ran towards safety, she ran straight into the storm.

 

“Fuck this, Heart OPEN!” without further thought she felt her anger build as she summoned the water from the air particles around her and formed them into a gigantic football, it was all she could think of.

 

Before she could launch it, one of the monsters charged at her and hit her square in the jaw. She bit into her tongue harder than she ever had on the football field and flew across the road, the water that she’d collected crashed to the earth in a huge whoosh. The monster ran at inhuman speed towards her on foot and she knew she had to do something. The rabbit eared teenager felt the world slow down around her as she faced her own death but refused to give up. She imagined having a football in her hands and some of the water that she’d created earlier returned to her hands. Channeling every single injury she’d ever suffered on the field, she threw it, staring in disbelief as it crystallized into ice mid-flight and smashed into the monsters’ face, which made a sickening cracking noise as a fountain of blood burst out of it.

 

An unearthly wail rose from the monsters’ mouth and in a frenzy it managed to grab one of Bria’s legs. It wasted no time, slamming her entire body into the ground. She felt her nose and some ribs break as she fell face first and cried out in pain. The only thing she could think of as she lost blood were Laurie’s words, hadn’t she said they would be able to heal faster?

 

She was losing a lot of blood and knew she couldn’t last much longer. Even without any mode of sight it took advantage of her being on the ground to begin punching her with its massive fists. She couldn’t help but scream as the monster continued to punch her back. Eventually she couldn’t feel anything anymore, as if she’d been disconnected from her body. She knew this was the end for her, but she couldn’t help but be happy that she’d at least managed to save Zoë and Wade.

 

The football player was suddenly jolted back to reality. All the pain in her broken bones and exposed flesh returned with full force, but something was missing; she couldn’t feel the rhythmic beating of the monster anymore. Her stomach turned when she realized that her backbone was continuously contorting, causing her entire body to spasm. Her entire spine was twisting, first out of place and then it seemed to mend itself back into place.

 

“It's actually working! Okay, like he said; HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL!” a voice shouted above Bria. Every time it did, her back felt better, then her bones felt less sore and finally her nose seemed to grow magically back into place “Get up Bria!” she was amazed to find herself managing to stand by herself and even more amazed to see Laurie standing in front of her.

 

She wasn’t as happy about the hand that slapped across her face a second later.

 

“What were you thinking?” Laurie shouted “You avoided training with me and said you wouldn’t be pulled into fighting and now you’re doing it all willy nilly? Did you really think your football skills would translate to this?”

 

“Well I-“ before she could even begin, Laurie gave her a quick hug.

 

“Welcome to Team Hero!”

Schitzo

Hrm... Not sure what to think. I was actually more shaken up by just how much the heal spell was healing.

fourteenwings

They're supposed to be overpowered, it's something that'll come up later.

Kraken

I'll get into a more in-depth look at it when I get home tonight, but for now I need to point out five issues.



First, try to say what you need to say with as few words as possible. Don't use twelve words in a sentence when five will do. Hone this skill before you move on to pastiche other styles of prose, utilizing narrative conceits, and suchlike.



Secondly, there's too much telling, not enough showing. An action sequence like this, it is especially important to focus on describing what one can immediately see, hear, touch, and smell. There's little room for someone to think things or notice subtleties. Write viscerally. Describe vividly every pain, rush of power, and sensation.



Thirdly, viewpoint. Once you've picked a pair of eyes for seeing through to witness this part of the story, stick with it. Don't wander off to peer through someone else's eyes because it looks more interesting. What you "see" is what you get.



Fourth, use more evocative words, and more accurate terms. In this case, the monster isn't "punching back" because at that moment, Bria isn't returning the blows. More likely, the monster is "hammering her broken body like it was so much grapes."



Finally, pay attention to the beginning of each sentence's letter. Just as the repeitition of any task creates monotony, so does the repeitition of similar sounds make reading a chore.

fourteenwings

Thanks! But I need a little more detail before I start working on it...

Kraken

Alright, here's a little elaboration.

1) Less is more. "...Wade had ducked further into the backseat and was sitting in the fetal position." Too many words saying the exact same thing.

There's a time and a place for repetition, but here is not it. 

Better: "...while Wade was cradling his knees in the backseat."

----

2) Show, don't tell. “Fuck this, Heart OPEN!” without further thought she felt her anger build as she summoned the water from the air particles around her and formed them into a gigantic football, it was all she could think of."

At a time like this, showing is so much more important than telling. The rush of power and the spark of creation: that requires much more showing than telling. 

Better: “..."Fuck this," she cried, raising her hands above her head. "Heart OPEN!" Feeling her anger build, Bria reached into the air around her, pulling water particles from the surroundings into her hands, molding liquid into the shape of a gigantic football."

----

3) Keep the viewpoint strong in mind. "She was losing a lot of blood and knew she couldn’t last much longer. Even without any mode of sight it took advantage of her being on the ground to begin punching her with its massive fists. She couldn’t help but scream as the monster continued to punch her back."

Now, Bria's on the ground, being crushed like so much cakes. She wouldn't form the words in her mind that it's taking the advantage to do something.  

Better: "Bria felt the world spin as her blood drained away, dimly realizing that she couldn't last much longer. The sightless monster relentlessly pounded upon her slight form, breaking bone and grazing flesh. She couldn't help but scream."

----

4) Evocation. "Before she could launch it, one of the monsters charged at her and hit her square in the jaw. She bit into her tongue harder than she ever had on the football field and flew across the road, the water that she’d collected crashed to the earth in a huge whoosh. The monster ran at inhuman speed towards her on foot and she knew she had to do something."

It's kind of dry. Here, how's this?

Better: "As one of the monsters charged, Bria braced to launch the water-ball. But the monster was too fast, its paw smashing across her jaw before she could think, knocking her across the road. Magical water splashed to earth in a thunderous sound. Relentless, the monster bolted towards her again."

----

5) Repetition. "Her stomach turned when she realized that her backbone was continuously contorting, causing her entire body to spasm. Her entire spine was twisting, first out of place and then it seemed to mend itself back into place."

It's a chore to read.

Better: "Her stomach turned when she felt her backbone turn, horrified at the realization that her spine was twisting itself wrong. Bria's entire body shook with spasm in an eerie lack of sensation, before her spine twisted itself right."

fourteenwings

Thank you.

MillerCross

OK, so I need to write a character monologue for scripting class, but I have no subject.

Gimme something interesting for my character to blabber about for page and a half.

ClockworkUniverse

Hmmm...maybe your character is looking at a wall, and there's this mark on it, and your character starts talking about it but winds up going into a stream-of-consciousness tangent and...

What? That's already been done? Aw :c

All Nines

I would say "Internet drama. No, really," but I'm basically already doing that for a personal essay.

Uh . . . something interesting to blabber about . . .

rabbits, i guess, man

Nova

Gimme something interesting for my character to blabber about for page and a half.

Philosophy.

Politics.

His neighbours, who are having troubles in their life, and he muses about stranger's lives.

A busker on the street, and he ruminates on what could have lead to the busker performing there.

A woman visiting the grave of a high school friend.

A man being fired from his job for incompetence that was partially his fault, partially his co-worker's fault.

A woman wondering what to have for lunch.

Saturn

Gonna be posting in this thread a lot more soon, because writing has become the most important thing to me right now, and I have been working on the scripts that I think and hope will give me my shot and help me break into the great wall of hollywood.