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☆ Sonic The Hedgehog Loves Swimming! ☆
Ｔｈｅ ｐｌｅａｓｕｒｅ ｏｆ ｂｅｉｎｇ ｃｕｍｍｅｄ ｉｎｓｉｄｅ．
My name is Van, I'm an artist, I'm a performance artist, and I'm hired for people to fulfill their fantasies, their DEEP♂DARK♂FANTASY. Was gonna be a movie star, you know with modeling and ah, acting. After a hundred or two auditions and small parts, you know I decided you know... I've had enough. Then I got into escort work.
The kind of clients we get got a lot of uh... fetishes. So, I just decided to go,uhm you know FULL♂MASTER and, change my wh- entire house into a dungeon, um dungeon master with a full dungeon... in my house. And ah.. it's going really well.
Fisting is three hundred bucks and uuh usually the guy is pretty much high on popper, so you can really get relaxed, you know, I have this long... latex glove that goes all the way up to my armpit, and then I put another latex glove up to my uh, wrist and just LUBE♂IT♂UP and uh... it's a long process to, you know, get your whole arm up there but uhh, it's an intense feeling for the other person... I think for myself too it's, uh... you go in places that uh, even though it's physical, with your hand, but for some reason is also more emotional, it's more psychological too and we both, you know, reach the same place, it's really strange, at the same time uhm, and after a session like that I get really exhausted at the end.
( ﾟ―ﾟ)
her breasts so big when she nudes
ASS! ASS! ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass! ass? ass!
brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbbrbrbrbrrbrbrbrbbr
amazing interesting anecdotes time:
Sometimes I feel kinda bad laughing at some jokes. Like, during the whole ME3 fiasco i was on /v/ and there was a thread with an screenshot of the ending with the words "Grandpa, did Shephard really suck all those dicks?" and I laughed quite heartely.
Praise for "Mario says cat shit for 30 seconds while I play unfitting music"
"I FIND THIS VIDEO DIFFICULT TO MASTERBATE TO."
"i dont know what i expected"
fucken croat go suck dead kaisers dick i piss on ur croissant cuntry lololo
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░░█▒░▄▀░▒▒▒▒▒░▀▄▀░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█░░░░░ PONYS ARE SHIT
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▄▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒█░░ AND ANIME
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Hey guys, I have a story to tell. You probably won't believe me, and frankly, I'm done trying to convince people.
It was about three weeks ago. I was on Google looking for some funny sites to look at, I found my way to an imageboard. Everyone on the board spoke in extremely cryptic nonsense, They said things like, "Uliuliuliuli assburger. Mee takasin sinne Northpoleen. Uusi Mene on syntynyt"
That was one phrase that was used repeatedly. "Uusi mene on syntynyt" At first, I thought it was spam, but its use was way too frequent and erratic to be spam. There would be typos, and the words didn't appear to be random.
I decided, "fuck it", I'll see what's going on with this site. I posted in what appeared to be a "satunnainen", much like /b/ (there was no discernable theme amongst the images and posts). I said hello, I'm new, and was looking to start a funny thread. Asked them to post their funniest pictures.
That was the first time it started. I remember the first reply very clearly. It said, "Good to see. U join the HELP! HELP!" From there it got strange. I was told to ignore "the jonnes." I assumed this was some sort of in-joke. From there, they began to speak like crazy people. Posting seemingly random numbers and letters, characters from many languages (a few seemed Russian and Middle-Eastern, as well as possibly Chinese and Korean characters).
I had no idea what was going on.
Then I saw the phrase again. "Uusi Mene on syntynyt."
Following that, my power cut off. Complete black out. Freaked me out. I checked the fuses and the switches had just flipped. Flicking them back up, the power went back on. When I returned to my PC, there was an image on the screen of a badly drawn old man. He was Caucasian, older than 60.
I sat down, creeped out, but feeling curious. The man smiled and appeared to speak, but I couldn't hear anything. My speakers were on, so I turned up the volume. I could only just barely hear what he was saying, it was a hushed whisper. I turned the volume up full, and it was still only a faint whisper. His lips moved slowly.
I pushed my head closer to try and figure out what he said. Then he shouted loudly, a booming and terrifying voice screaming at me like a demonic god. The image had changed, the man was smiling and holding some kind of staff.
The power cut out again.
Again it was the fuses. When I got my power back, everything was normal. My PC booted up normally, and nothing creepy happened.
Then I started receiving the e-mails. They were extremely cryptic and filled with random numbers, much like the imageboard posts. I got an e-mail that was in regular English, too. It said this, "Do you have assburgers or what?" I didn't know what it meant.
I got up to get a drink and froze in fear. From my ceiling hung a man, his body swinging gently. On my wall, written in dry blood were the words, "Uusi Mene on syntynyt" I blinked, and the sight was gone.
For weeks this continued.
I went back to the imageboard, I was sure I was going out of my mind. Just about ready to commint myself to a fucking asylum, I read a post in coherent language that said something like, "Uusi Mene on syntynyt, Uusi Mene on syntynyt"
The thread 404'd before I could even get to it. I went to make a new thread, and when I began typing, the words in my mind were not what appeared in the box. My fingers typed words by their own volition. I typed two things. "SPURDO SPÄRDE" and "Uusi Mene on syntynyt"
Then somehow I realized. I was passing it on. The crazy hallucinations stopped. I learned how to be safe.
I'm sorry...
Uusi Mene on syntynyt!
nohay
meet me at hiroshima
Gomenasai /jp/, my name is Ken-Sama and I'm a 27 year old American Otaku (Anime fan for you gaijins). I draw Anime and Manga on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting my art and playing superior Japanese games. (Disgaea, Final Fantasy, Persona series)
I train with my Katana every day, this superior weapon can cut clean through steel because it is folded over a thousand times, and is vastly superior to any other weapon on earth. I earned my sword license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day.
I speak Japanese fluently, both Kanji and the Osaka dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Japanese history and their bushido code, which I follow 100%
When I get my Japanese visa, I am moving to Tokyo to attend a prestigious High School to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become an animator for Studio Ghibli or a game designer!
I own several kimonos, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Japan, so I can fit in easier. I bow to my elders and seniors and speak Japanese as often as I can, but rarely does anyone manage to respond.
The wind blows. It is 7 in the morning, Ken-sama woke up to the cold morning. He got up, and went to the bathroom to wash his face. Ken-sama live in a traditional Japanese house, he only rent a room though. The old couple is nice enough to let him stay in their house.
Ken-sama grepped his kimono and wear it like a proper nihonjin, he walk to a window and smell the fresh nihonjin morning. "Ah, konbanwa anatas. What beautiful morning desu." Ken-sama zoned out looking at the beach from his room. Ken-sama went downstairs to greet the old couple. "Ah, ohayou ojisan and obasan". The old couple replied him with a warm smile and proceed with their breakfast while inviting Ken-sama.
Although Ken-sama can not understand them, he easily could read what the old couple is trying to say, he is born with this talent. "Arigato." Ken-sama said, he then went upstairs to take a few things. He took a bokken and a katana, the katana is hidden in his kimono and the bokken is on his obi, this is to avoid being arrested by authorities as he was warned last time. Ken-sama will be going on his usual morning walk to sightseeing the glorious nihonjin country. "Itadakimasu obasan and ojisan", they gave him a mixed smile and a slightly confused expression.
Ken-sama reached the park near the beach, he like to watch kids playing as it is a something that can warm his pure heart. Suddenly, a sudden tremor. No, it's more terrifying than that, it's an earthquake, a huge one. The ground was shaking and beginning to crack, Ken-sama look at the children, they were running away terrified, "minna san! do not run around! Stay in place!"
The kids couldn't understand what he was saying, he gestured what he was trying to say, he ordered the kids to stay in the middle of the park as it is too dangerous. But that was Ken-sama's mistake, he look at the beach from afar. It was huge, a tsunami is coming. Ken-sama widened his eyes and look at the children and yelled every Japanese word he knew "Arigatou gozaimasu! Gomenasai! Run away minna-san!"
The children ran away, the wave is coming, it was at least 100ft tall. Ken-sama was ashamed with himself, he should have anticipated this, if he did the children would be far away by now. "sumimasen mina-san, it was my mistake", he took his hidden katana and dual wield with the bokken and katana. As he ran towards the tsunami trying to stop it, he uttered his last words. "Arigatou obasan, ojisan. For taking care of me" The wave rise even higher. A shout is heard; "Nippon banzai!".
i made some funny drawings, i hope you like them
nohay wut are u doin
nohay stahp
so is that the variant trollface version of CHEEEEEEEEEEEEN or what.