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Alpha 1:6 – And Vivi said to Juan, “Fuck bitches, get money.”
From the apocryphal (until approved) Book of Bill and Ted, as told to Frodo of Goofball:
"And the prophets of Viviism said unto the people: 'Thou shalt be excellent to each other. And upon being excellent to each other, thou shalt proceed to celebrate without ceasing.'"
"And they drew lots, saying, 'What is won by Vivi, shall be kept by Vivi. And what shall be won by the people, shall be kept by Vivi.'"
Death, life, even the divine shall come under my rule! For the only one fit to rule is I!
Beorc's Ego 222:2222
None of them will be saved.
HAIL VIVI!
MAY HER LIGHT SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY!
MAY HER AVATARS ALWAYS BE TASTEFUL!
I actually have no idea who the fuck you are.
Alpha 1:2 - Really, she was just bored, and there was nothing better to do.
Alpha 1:3 – Staying at home on a Friday night and watching porn got old after the first few eternities.
Alpha 1:4 – On the first day, Vivi said “Let there be penis!” And thus
the first man was created. Oh? What about Light? And animals and plants?
Yeah, that stuff was there when I got here. I don’t know what you’re
talking about. Go away.
Alpha 1:5 – The first man was named Juan. He wasn’t Hispanic or anything like that. It was just a name Vivi thought was sexy.
Alpha 1:6 – And Vivi said to Juan, “Fuck bitches, get money.”
Alpha 1:7 Juan replied, "The fuck is a bitch and there's no money, you haven't created. Also, I created you, do not blaspheme."
Alpha 1:8 Juan was a sexy but rebellious man, and this was the first
time Vivi would ever be wrong about anything, for she thought Juan would
be the one to be traitor to her kingdom. She said to the first man, "A
bitch is like you, only with tits and a vagina. You'll find out what
those are in due time." And Vivi created the first woman, in her image.
Alpha 1:9: "Ooooh, I like that. How is it called" Said Juan, beholding the beauty that Vivi had created.
Alpha 1:10 Vivi did not answer Juan for a very long time, before finally replying with, "It is Yours."
Alpha 1:11 Juan said, "fair enough...waaaaaaaaait...what's the catch?"
Alpha 1:12. Vivi shout back, "I already said Bitch right?....Yeeeeeeeah...Just remember that word for later."
Alpha 1:13 "Bleh, not worth it" Juan answered. "I'll make my own bitch!
With hookers! and Blackjack! In fact, forget the bitch! And the
blackjack! Just...forget the whole thing. I'll just get me some
hookers."
Alpha 1:14 Yet Juan had forgotten that hookers and blackjack hadn't even been created yet.
Alpha 1:15 Vivi then made some hookers and blackjack. Then spoke out to
the world. "Don't worry. The philosophical shit comes later."
Alpha 1:16 And Juan wandered off and made his own blackjack and his own
hookers, due to the fact that Vivi's BJ sucked. He asked the hookers to
also work on the crops nicely, as he was a loving man. And lo and
behold,corn came from the floor.
Alpha 1:17 And he learned how to brew from the crops, and beer was made
and drunk. Hookers accepted this work because it involved them getting
drunk and pleasured by men and women of their liking.
Alpha 1:18 Little did he know that the hookers were only there for his
money. Was his path to lie about the money he did not have, or decieve
them into giving him free products?
Alpha 1:19 Juan realized that he indeed had no money, and that he had an
underpayed workforce, so instead of just giving them beer, he started
to sell the beer to outsiders.
Alpha 1:20 It was truly a test from the Heavenly Mother.
Alpha 1:21 Meanwhile, Dark Lord Bob was busy preparing an attack on
Juan's hookers, an elaborate plan that involved vodka, dildoes and rope.
Alpha 1:22 And Juan simply said fuck it all and slapped them bitches,
picked the bustiest one and took her to Lady Vivi. "This is for you, oh
goddess" he said, barely managing to restrain the sarcasm.
Alpha 2:2 And so, Bob put her plan into action, using her demonic
warrior slaves to incapacitate the hookers, all of them far too busy
orgasming nonstop to do anything else.
Alpha 2:2b And thusly did Bob steal the bitch from under Juan and Vivi, taking her to a secret, demonic hide out.
Alpha 2:3 Little did they know that from the pit of labia, the dark
goddess lord Vorpy was watching over the horizon, contemplating her
navels and touching her wet self in anticipation of the sins to be
commited for the next thousand years.
Alpha 2:4 Having lost another bitch, Juan fell in despair...for two
seconds before realizing he did actually invent booze and that people
were willing to work for him if he gave them booze.
Alpha 2:5 And so, civilization was born, and Juan created beer and gave
it to his workforce, making them happy and Juan happy along the way, as
long as there were hookers and beer, everything was right in the world.
Alpha 2:6 Little did they all know, that this was going according to plan. Yet, like a starving wolf picking through a herd of sheep, the dark lord
goddess queen Bob continued taking Juan's hookers, until his entire
workforce consisted of one elderly, unsightly hooker who was most
certainly not equipped for physical labour.
End of Book 1.
Also known as The Original Sinning Bitch.
All the cool people are in hell.