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Not having a penis

BobBob
edited 2011-03-16 12:22:38 in Meatspace
I used to deny that I had penis envy. I used to act cool and pretend like I didn't even want one. I can't hold it in anymore. I really, really, really, really want a penis to call my own. Before anyone mentions dildos, vibrators or strap-ons, they're just not the same. Sure, they're fun for a minute, but ultimately, they bring nothing but pain and disappointment. Also, I really don't want to get any sort of surgery, so unless someone invents some sort of temporary penis generating machine, I'm out of luck. I really want to be able to squeeze it, choke it, flick it, grab it and rub it. I want to be able to get a stiffy in class and see if I can get myself off without anyone noticing. I want to put a little hat on it and give it a cutesy name, like Violet, Mr. Wiggles or Fluffy. I want to pop up behind my boyfriend out of nowhere and surprise him by pressing it against his thigh. I want to tie a ribbon to it and dance around in front of a mirror. Most of all, I really just want to hump the fuck out of something, mercilessly, as brutally as I can.

The sad part is, while I know I'd have fun with it for about a week, maybe a month tops, I'd just get tired of it eventually. Still, I wouldn't want what I had. I would probably want tentacles or something like that. Then I'd get bored with that and want to try out a cloaca for a while, and I'd keep going until I've possessed every kind of genital(s) there are, and I still wouldn't feel satisfied.

Dammit, I wish I were a shapeshifter.
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Comments

  • Well, you know what they say... uh, -reads entire thread-  0_0  You know, I was going to offer to lend you mine, but now...


  • Penises

    What annoys me about penises is, society seems to depict them as a symbol of power and/or domination. It annoys me because really, it looks like you could cut it clean off with a shaving razor if it was travelling fast enough. It's weak. It's so weak you can injure yourself if you put your pants on wrong, how it ever got its reputation is bewildering to me.
  • OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    ^I think it's because only men have them, and historically men have been seen as more powerful.

    Yeah, it's pretty stupid.
  • edited 2011-03-16 13:36:39
    Try joining the NRA. That organization is all about giving surrogate penises to people who lack penises.
  • Quit being a whiny bitch and man up.
    Oh the penis envy.
  • They're somethin' else.
    That sure is um... a thing.

    I like your humping description.
  • edited 2011-03-16 14:09:46
    000




    One night I had a visitor, and she was a vision from out of this
    world. It started with a knock on my door. Before I answered it, I had
    never even dreamed about what was soon to happen.


    She showed up at twilight one late-summer evening. She said she was
    having car trouble a mile down the road. I offered my phone and a cold
    drink, and she entered my home with a thank you and an appreciative
    smile. As she walked past me into the house, her elbow brushed against
    my breast. My pussy throbbed at her mere touch.


    The atmosphere was sexually charged. Our eyes met and held long enough
    for my nipples to grow hard. I saw with astonished excitement that she
    was also very turned on. I blushed and turned away, saying how thirsty
    she must be after walking through the heat to get here, and would she
    care for some iced tea? She agreed, and I showed her the location of my
    phone.


    After returning with her drink, she introduced herself as Teresa, and I introduced myself.I have had fantasies about a woman loving me, the two of us rubbing
    every inch of our bodies together--our pussies and titties grinding
    against each other. Now here was Teresa, and oh God, she turned me on so
    much, I was throbbing, soaking wet.


    She gazed at me and said, "You're going to be a sweet fuck."


    With that, she walked over to me and offered her sweet lips to mine. Our
    mouths melted together, and we explored each other's mouths with our
    tongues while our hands connected to each other's breasts. Next, her
    hands unbuttoned my crop top while mine worked on the buttons to her
    silky top. We pulled off our shorts in a state of fevered excitement.

  • edited 2011-03-16 14:17:44
    Cool story.

    "Try joining the NRA. That organization is all about giving surrogate penises to people who lack penises."

    I like this idea.
  • What about Mrs. Miller?
  • They're somethin' else.
    ...
  • Am I the only one who expected that story to turn disturbing/gross/otherwise subversive before the end?

    And I suppose, I sympathise with your plight, Bob, but I don't know what there is to do about it. Try talking to a physciatrist, perhaps? Preferably one well-versed in gender?
  • @Bob: I can relate to that feeling of burning but unsatisfiable curiosity. (Though mine's the other way around, of course.)

    Aside from that,  I don't really know what to say.
  • *lights cigar* now just relax bob, tell me about your mother. 
  • Woki mit deim Popo.
    @ OP:

    How long you felt like this?  It's seems like you been dealing with this for a while?  The post sounds almost like joke post but there's a certain sincerity about it.
  • Not sure if serious.
  • Is "Gienn  Magus Harvey" an impostor, or the real GlennMagusHarvey trying to screw with us?
  • edited 2011-03-16 18:15:02
    This reminds me of a Yuri manga I read in which an alien (whose species resembled disembodied penises with faces... Japanese-style censored penises, of course!), decided to go to earth to help move along the love between a pair of Japanese school girls.

    The first of the lovebirds he visited was the quiet and shy one. When she took one look at him, she screamed and ran away (as young women are wont to do when faced with such a sight for the first time.)

    The second of the pair was the more assertive and sexually aggressive of the two, and upon seeing the penis-alien the first thing she thought to do was to see if she could somehow attach it by grabbing it and sticking the base of it between her legs. When she realized it wouldn't work that way, she tossed it aside and walked off, ignoring the penis-alien's protests.

    (And no, I don't want to know what it says about me for this thread to be the one that pulled me out of lurk-mode.)
  • OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    ^^I'm treating him as an impostor until confirmed otherwise.
  • edited 2011-03-16 18:20:59
    So... What does the Yuri have to do with Bob's probs? You're not trying to solve real problems with hentai, I hope?
  • edited 2011-03-16 18:23:40
    000
    ^ What are we supposed to say? "Here, take mine"?

    We want to help Bob, but there's not much we can do besides figure out an outlet for his penis envy.
  • edited 2011-03-16 18:36:22
    ^^ Bob reminded me of the girl who tried to attach the alien-penis-thingy.

    And I, for one, would like to know what problems can't be solved with Hentai!

    edit: v Oh, no, I meant real problems.  ;p
  • edited 2011-03-16 18:30:51
    Institutionalised sexism
  • Because you never know what you might see.
    Having a penis is overrated.

    >It's so weak you can injure yourself if you put your pants on wrong, how it ever got its reputation is bewildering to me.

    Because rape, probably.
  • edited 2011-03-16 18:48:41
    Bleh, screw this post
  • Because you never know what you might see.
    I'm not kidding.  Why is the penis associated with dominance and power?  I wouldn't be surprised if the answer was "rape".
  • ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    Something that can be put into other things is more powerful than something that can have things put inside of it.

    The sword is mightier than the chest.
  • edited 2011-03-16 18:58:44
    ^^I know. The "bleh" was actually just me deleting the post, sorry, in hindsight it just wasn't very clear.

    You're right, though.

    ^ That's not strictly true at all, and the sword/chest comparison probably further confuses things. I could argue that something that envelops something could be considered stronger than the thing in question in some circumstances.

    edit: v Oh, no, I meant real problems.  ;p

    I hate you
  • Because you never know what you might see.
    ^^ Animal versus bear trap.

    (Penis versus bear trap, for that matter.)
  • I was thinking mouths, but... Thanks for that.
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