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Let's Watch Spider-Man: The Animated Series
I ordered a boxset of Spider-Man: The Animated Series, and I feel like doing a blog. So let's go!
EPISODE 1: Night of the Lizzard
We open to Spider-Man musing that he wishes New York was a peaceful as it looked from the sky, come 9/11, he'd stop saying it.
We cut to two under ground workers who get attacked by the Lizard, one of them get's caught and dragged away, the other starts driving madly through traffic.
Spidey decides to be a sarcastic prick when he goes to save him.
We then cut into the rocking theme song, which I am told is actually the same as the classic 60s Spider-Man song remixed. I don't buy it.
The scared driver tries to explain to Spider-Man what's happened by uttering "red eyes, red eyes".
Spidey doesn't buy it, despite being a man with spider powers he's really close minded.
We cut to the Daily Bugle where Peter Parker tries to sell pictures of Spider-Man. He's given a new assignment, he has to take pictures of the Lizard, despite not believing that the Lizard exists.
Their prick of a boss, J. Jonah Jameson storms in and tells Peter to STFU and do as he's God damned told. We're also introduced to Eddie Brock, who is also a dick. Eddie says he's going to interview a guy called Dr. Curt Conners about mutants and shit like that. Peter proves that he's just as much of a dick as Brock and JJJ by stealing the job from Brock by pointing out that he already knows Dr. Conners. JJJ then offers a $1,000 bonus to whomever can snap a photo of the Lizard.
Peter heads home super excited, wanting to spend the bonus on a motor bike. We then see his Aunt May fretting over a bill (loser still lives at home). Peter realizes what a selfish dick he's being, seeing as he's such a drain on his Aunt's resources and decides to give her the money. Also, it turns out that he's Spider-Man.
Peter goes into the sewers and takes some photos of the Lizard's footprints, and decides to take them to Dr. Conners to analyse them. At the university he runs into Deborah Whitman, who is a pain in the balls. Debbie takes the photos from Peter works out that the Lizard walks on two legs. Then they go to Conner's office and HOLY SHIT THERE'S THE LIZARD! And he's kidnapped Conners by wrapping him in a big...rug...thing. Anyway, Peter goes to chase the Lizard who leaps out the window. Debbie then calls out to Peter not to leave her here. Now wait...we know that Peter is Spider-Man, but Debbie doesn't! Did she really thing Peter was gonna leap out a window? Damn that bitch is crazy. Also, Eddie was walking around the Uni. Fuck knows why, he didn't do anything.
Debbie then proceeds to wet her panties over Peter being so brave and asks why the Lizard would want to kidnap Conners. Peter has a flash back to him and Conners shooting magic rainbows at a mouse to make it's arms grow back. Conners then makes out that he's doing the experiments to save soldiers, but seeing as he's a cripple it's clear he's doing it for himself.
We then cut to Spider-Man on a building thinking about why the Lizard would want to kidnap Conners (and why he'd wrap him up in a rug...thing). Spider-Man decides to go to Conners' house where he finds the Lizard scoping about (and Brock, for some reason), the two get into a fight and Spidey's camera gets broken so he can't make is $1,000 anymore. The Lizard kicks Spider-Man's ass and goes in for the kill, but Billy Conner's runs out of the house and yells "NO DADDY! STOP!" (clearly, the most logical explanation is that Mrs.Conners has the hots for scaly monsters...poor Doctor eh?). Mrs. Conners then explains that the Lizard actually IS Dr. Conners and that he shot himself with his magic rainbows to help grow his arm back (I TOLD YOU) but it turned him into the Lizard. Eddie Brock hears the whole thing though and runs off to sell the story. Spider-Man catches him and webs him up. He claims it's to stop Brock from ruining Conners' life, but really I reckon it's cause he plain old doesn't like Eddie.
Spider-Man goes crawling in the sewers and makes references to the Fantastic Four, Avengers, Defenders and the Hulk. While Spidey's having one of his guilt tripping monologues, he minds the missing worker and saves him. Eventually he tracks down the Lizard who explains his plan is to turn everyone in the world into lizardmen cause he can't be arsed finding a cure for his own condition, also, apparently Spider-Man has a spare camera that he sets up to snap some more photos.
As Spider-Man and the Lizard battle it out and manages to to turn Conners back. Peter sells the photos to the Bugle and gives the money to Aunt May. Who then points out how much she hates Spider-Man. AND SO ENDS EPISODE ONE OF SPIDER-MAN! Tune in later, where we'll look at The Sting of the Scorpion!
Comments
Thoughts on theme song:
"Man, that guy's guitar is talking"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
Blood Plasma
Travis: I will!
Ooh, I can't wait for the episodes with Punisher and Blade and Morbius and them awkwardly getting around heroes that kill people.
As I recall, with the Punisher, they had him genuinely intent on killing people, but he was also stopped by Spider-Man.
"the classic 60s Spider-Man song"
When I was a kid, that version basically was Spiderman and I still think that song is one of the best theme tunes to anything ever. It'd have to be a great remix to compare.
I can't wait for the spot episode
EPISODE 2: The Sting of the Scorpion!
This episode has no teaser, it just goes straight into the kick ass theme!
In the first scene, we're welcome to Peter walking some skank home. Her name is Felicia Hardy and Peter really wants to fuck her. However, she's being a total bitch about it. As they're walking, Peter's Spider Sense flares up and he goes and attacks a guy called Mac Gargan who wasn't actually doing anything to anyone, but because he had a feeling Mac was dangerous that makes it okay to attack him. The building Spider-Man is on then explodes and three crooks run out carrying bags of gems, one of them is carrying a futuristic looking laser gun that...fires rockets.
Needless Censorship of Weapons Counter: 1.
It seems this clever goon thinks that firing rockets at close range to Spider-Man is a good idea that wont get him killed. Spidey dodges each rocket and let's it fly off, probably to kill some girl scouts or some shit. And then webs them up and takes their shoes off. During all this Mac Gargan manages to get away.
Peter then goes to sell the photos to the Bugle, JJJ then storms in and yells at Peter for doing an excellent job (I don't know why Parker doesn't just sell photos to another paper). Peter goes out for a drink of water and notices Mac going in to see Jameson so he swings out as Spider-Man to the other side of the building. He then webs up Mac (for no God damned reason) and threaten Peter in front of JJJ to try and throw him off the trail of discovering his deep, dark, secret. He then tells Jameson to get off his case "or else". This causes JJJ to go into flashback mode of being told the same thing by a gangster who then killed his wife. Man, Spidey's a right cunt. JJJ responds to this threat in a mature, responsable manner...nah he sticks Mac into a green suit and shoots him with Curt Conner's rainbow gun, to turn him into a scorpion.
Under orders from JJJ, Scorpion attacks Spider-Man and kicks his ass, he then drops a water tower on him and the water flows off the side of the building they are on. Scorpion goes to unmask Spider-Man but a glimpse at his own reflection makes him go mental, apparently he'd not looked at himself yet. As Scorpion makes himself busy melting shit, JJJ reveals to Robbie that the reason he hates Spider-Man is that the gangster who shot his wife also wore a mask. THERE IS A CONNECTION YOU SEE! Unwilling to admit he has a phobia, JJJ blames everything on Spider-Man.
Scorpion runs back to the lab and demands that JJJ change him back, when JJJ tells him that it's impossible, Scorpion freaks out and kidnaps him, by tying him up with his tail.
JJJ Bondage:
Scorpion decides that the best way to cure his mutation caused by over exposure to radiation is to expose himself to more radiation so he heads of to Oscorp to get another dosage of sweet radiation. Spider-Man rushes to save JJJ and the two team up to beat Scorpion. During the fight, Spider-man suggests that Scorpion is made of adamntium, referencing Wolverine of the X-Men. He also compares himself to the Tick.
After a job well done, Peter runs into Felecia who decides to string him on some more. Bitch.
AND THUS ENDS EPISODE 2!
The Alien Costume four parter is in the second half of Season 1 (I actually remember being much later, but my memory is wrong xD)
Wait until you get to the episodes that are Spiderman 3 animated
Except, ya know, good.
But seriously while the show had its flaws (The censorship), they probably have the best version of Venom. He was introduced and so well developped. TheConductor, I salute your Lets Watch and will eagerly keep reading it.
Ical: According to my DVD box, The Alien Costume is episodes 7-9 of Season 1.
Ghilz: Thank you muchly!
Little factoid here: the idea of the Venom symbiote affecting the users personality originated here, in this show. In the comics it didn't really do much to him.
I was planning on Liveblogging the two video games based on this series, the PS1 ones (I know there are more but the PS1 ones were classics from my childhood) but I don't think I could do them in the same style. But we'll see.
We now enter this series' proud tradition of multipart episodes, here have Episode 3 - The Spider Slayer Part 1.
We open to Spider-Man having a nice relaxing swing around New York, when out of no where he's attacked by a group of flying robots that look kinda like Fisher Price remakes of Wheatly from Portal 2. The robots aren't well designed cause Spider-Man just has to do some basic manouvers to send them slamming into the ground/walls and they explode. We cut to the tree men who were controlling the robots, an old man and young man and a cripple. The young man is Norman Osborn, the cripple is Alistair Smythe and the old man is his dad. Daddy has made some robots to help kill Spider-Man, one of them being a big spider he's named Black Widow? Why do they want to kill Spider-Man? Fucked if I know.
We go to the Daily Bugle where Felicia Hardy is bitching at JJJ about a party they want to throw in the Bugle's building. JJJ then hires Peter to be it's photographer. He also yells at him about taking pictures of Spider-Man, apparently unhappy with all the money Peter makes for him.
We cut back to (what I assume is) Oscorp where Eddie Brock is reporting on the Black Widow. Daddy reveals to Alistair that he really has no strong feelings about Spider-Man one way or the other and is only working for Osborn so he can afford a new wheelchair for Alistair. I say wheelchair, but it doesn't have wheels, it floats. Like Professor X's chair from X-Men: The Animated Series. We then go to a building that (as a child) I assumed was the Empire State Building, but I have no way of knowing if that's true. Here we're shown that Osborn is working for the Kingpin, the head of crime in New York. And again back at Oscorp, Daddy and Cripple release more of Fisher Price bots to find Spider-Man for the Black Widow (why they couldn't just program Black Widow with the ability to find Spidey, I don't know). Alistair claims that when you're fighting Spidey you don't get a second chance, despite this being their second attempt.
At the Bugle's party, Flash Thompson and Harry Osborn (Norman's son) have a wee blether, and Peter shows up with Aunt May. Then Felicia decides to string along both Peter and Flash, cause she's a bitch. To get some payback, Flash dresses up as Spider-Man and goes upstairs to threaten Peter, at the same the Black Window shows up (HIJINKS!) Peter locks Aunt May in a cupboard to "keep her safe" and then suits up. Continuing his tradition in this series, he gets his ass kicked and the Black Widow kidnaps him.
Black Widow takes Spider-Man back to Oscorp where Eddie Brock does a TV Broadcast of his unmasking, and under the mask it's...FLASH THOMPSON...wait...I thought Peter was Spider-Man...SO CONFUSING (not really). Anyway, some armed men with laser rifles storm in.
Needless Censorship of Weapons Counter: 2.
And knock away Eddie's camera and Spider-Man rushes to save Flash. Spider-Man rushes into the building and disposes of Kingpin's men, he then gets into a fight with the Black Widow and beats it by dunking it in acid. As the lab begins to explode, everyone runs out...except for Daddy who was controlling the Black Widow...and all of Kingpin's men who I imagine are dead now.
Because of Eddie's screw-up, JJJ get's the sack.
Because of Flash's screw-up, Felicia dumps him.
She then tells Peter that she hates him for being a coward.
We end part 1 with Kingpin recruiting Smythe to build more Spider Slayers.
AND THUS ENDS EPISODE 3.
Looking back on old cartoons is a lot like looking back on video games. Both had pretty painful growth periods when it came to narrative. Well, video games aren't out of the wood yet, but you get my meaning.
Let's watch episode 4 - The Spider Slayer Part 2 - Return of the Spider Slayer.
We open to a little montage of the last episode, followed by the theme song, then we get to see Spider-Man dick around a bit before being attacked by the Black Widow. He manages to defeat the robot by making ram into a wall, he swings off and is attacked by a second Spider-Slayer. This one, however, is blue and more more heavily armed. We then cut to Cripple in Kingpin's lab, he's been provided with his hoverchair and is now working to get revenge on Spider-Man for his fathers death (caused by his own actions.) The slayers kick Spidey's ass (though to be fair, he doesn't get nearly as bad an ass kicking as he normally gets) and take him to Cripple.
Cripple locks Spider-Man to a bed thing and then invites JJJ over and chains him to one as well and attatches a bomb to the two of them. Apparently, JJJ is also responsible for his fathers own actions.
JJJ Bondage: 2
The blue Slayer drops Spider-Man and JJJ off on top of a building and the two robots go hunting for Eddie Brock, Flash Thompson, Norman Osborn and Felicia Hardy, who are all some how responsable for Cripple's dad's own actions.
The Black Widow heads straight for Felicia and Flash , who assumes that it is somehow one of Flashes tricks, cause college students have the budget to build giant killer robots. The robot tries to kill the bitch and the moron but JJJ and Spider-Man rush in and save the day. Spidey uses the robots lasers to cut JJJ off the bomb. After they run away, Spider-Man beats the Black Widow by smashing it up against a wall with a crane.
Meanwhile, Eddie's applying for a new job, ensuring his new employer that he wont cause trouble, when the blue slayer attacks! Eddie runs away like the sniveling coward he is and the Slayer gives chase. Spider-Man rushes in and saves Eddie's ungrateful behind. He then blames Spider-Man for the robot designed to kill Spider-Man attacking him, cause that makes perfect sense.
Spider-Man then makes his way to Oscorp, where he finds the biggest Spider Slayer yet, a big green scorpion. Then the other two slayers spring back to life and fly towards Oscorp where the three of them merge together! The combined Spider Slayer easily takes care of Osborn's defenses (robotic tanks and helicopters) forcing Osborn to flee Oscorp (which I'm not actually sure does, is it a power company or something?)
As the Spider Slayer chases Osborn, Spidey gets the bomb off and decides to use it to blow up the Slayer killing three bugs with one bomb. As Spidey's attatching the bomb, he makes a reference to the thing. Anyway, his plan more or less works
Back home, Peter begins stitching up his Spider-Man suit while his Aunt May tries to berate him into dating Mary Jane, after he hears a knock on the door he goes to answer and is shocked to see MJ is a foxy redhead hottie. She repeats her classic line from her comic book origin "Face it tiger, you just hit the jack pot". Quite full of her self eh?
What always amused me is how the Spider Slayers got less cool as they advanced. The first one is sleek. A Giant black widow spider. Awesome. Then each successive one looked less "finished". More like something that was scrounged up at the last minute. I remember the third one being positively disapointing.
Episode 5 - The Menace of Mysterio
Okay so we open at a museum and it's just had a break in, luckily Spider-Man is here to...oh WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? NO SPIDER-MAN NOT LIKE THIS? WHY TURN TO A LIFE OF CRIME NOW? THINK OF POOR UNCLE BEN! So apparently Spider-Man's a crook now.
The next day we find the evil, thieving, back stabbing bastard (I trusted him damn it) in his bed, probably having a go on his...trumpet. When's woken up by his totally radical 90s phone. We're treated to a scene of MJ exercising...or maybe it's Peter's sick imagination, but either way she asks him out to see a movie. The thieving prick accepts and goes down stairs for breakfast. He sees the news report of his crimes and pretends to Aunt May that Spider-Man could never have done them (likely fucking story).
Spider-Thief returns to the scene of the crime to find JJJ doing his usual prick stuff. Peter finds some of his webs in the museum...but WAIT...Spider-Man's dissolve within an hour! But Detective Lee (a police officer) suggests that Spider-Man must be using new chemicals. Then a magician named Mysterio pops in and claims that he's gonna catch Spider-Man. He's wearing green and purple so he's clearly not a villain. As he leaves the Museum he makes it look like the ceiling is coming down, but it tuns out to be an illusion.
On the bus home, Peter hears a report that Spider-Man is robbing a center, now obviously Peter can't be in two places at once so he heads off to check it out. Turns out, it was Mysterio all along. Mysterio claims that Spider-Man ruined his life and that's why he's being a dick and that Spidey should meet him at...fuck I forgot what bridge it was and I can't be arsed rewinding...the Brooklyn Bridge I think.
So Spider-Man swings off the bridge and gets into a fight with Cheerios, who promptly kicks his ass and throws him off the bridge. Lots of people cheer for our Fish Bowl'd Fiend, despite the fact that he just robbed a shopping center. Spider-Man sulks off home only to find that Mary Jane is pissed at him for missing their date. Peter then decides to fuck being Spider-Man and gives it up.
He then pops out and is quickly guilt tripped by Detective Lee, she makes Peter remember his Uncle Ben's catchphrase "Peter, close the door, your aunt and I are fucking in here". We are then treated to a lovely flashback of Spider-Man's origin...not how he got the powers, but how he became a superhero. Go watch Spider-Man 1 or some shit, I can't be arsed explaining it.
He then pops over to the police station and him and Lee try and work out who Mysterio is. Turns out a year ago Spider-Man stopped a special effects dude from killing some people and now he wants revenge.
So Spider-Man swings off the movie studios where Mysterio used to work and kicks his arse, more or less. And the episode ends on a high note with Peter patching things up with MJ.
Episode 6 - Doctor Octopus: Armed and Dangerous
Spider-Man begins this adventure by swinging around a heavily wooded area, cheering at the fact that he has a date with Felicia Hardy, apparently he's forgotten all about MJ. When he gets to her house he finds that her front lawn is MASSIVE and he needs a car to get to the end of it! The house itself is pretty big too. He finally meets Felicia who proceeds to be a bitch at him for some reason or another and she goes upstairs to get a jacket. Peter hears a crash and finds that Felicia is being wrapped up in metal tentacles (this site just got 40,000 Google hits from Otakus, you're welcome) on the back of some guy. The guy, who is dressed in green and thus is clearly not a villain silently kicks Peter's ass and walks off.
In our next scene, Peter is being interrogated by the police. He explains what happened and the police wont believe him. Cause you know, in a world with giant Lizards, Scorpion men, robot spiders and magicians, a man with robotic limbs is just too far. Felicia's mum shows up and flounders a bit before she's handed a ransom note from a doctor Otto Octavius. We are then treated to a flash back of Peter at ten years old going to science camp, where he develops a man crush on Octavius. We then skip to Otto who has a flashback of how no one thought his experiments would work, he then goes and proves them right by blowing himself the fuck up. However, rather than dying that day, the metallic arms he was using to work with dangerous chemicals merged into his body and on that day he became; Doctor Octopus!
JJJ gets involved in Felicia's kidnapping and makes a TV broadcast trying to appeal to Dr. Octopus, the squid replies but gets into an argument with JJJ who calls him a coward. Dr. Octopus tells JJJ to come to his lab, alone, with the money. When JJJ goes he get's wrapped in tentacles.
JJJ Bondage Counter: 3
Spider-Man swings in to help and get's his ass handed to him for the second time this episode. Peter realises that as Spider-Man he can't do anything, but maybe Peter Parker can. So he rushes to the Bugle to await Octopus's next phone call. After he gets it, he sweet talks Doc Ock into letting him come over to see his cold fusion battery (which looks exactly like a Death Star). Doc Ock throws Peter out the window, giving him time to change into Spider-Man and swing back in kick Ock's ass. Which he does.
There's some goofing off with magnets before that, but over all, Spidey saves the day again!
Join me next time when we'll be taking a gander at the first part of The Alien Costume!
...Well how ELSE would you explain his fucked up dream?