'Don't Date Geek Girls'

IanExMachina

An interesting blog entry regarding fetishisation of Geek Girls.

Link here.

Personally I have to say the article appears to be quite on the money.

InsanityAddict

Clichéd lesson, stellar formulation.

Since every thread like this calls for an extrapolation of a subculture-specific notion, idealization is hardly limited to the geek subculture, and sometimes I think the whole idea of a monolithic geek subculture even existing is sketchy.

Schitzo

I don't think this only applies on males to females, but also on females to males.

And in general, I think geeks becoming sought after/ unostracized/ socially acceptable is a contradiction in terms. There's nothing dumber than government approved rock n roll.

Gelzo

Kinda skimmed it, since I don't have a lot of interest in being instructed to not do something I already don't have an expectation to do. I don't really need a future mate to be into all the same interests I am, she'd just need to tolerate them and maybe humor me to try one out every now and then.

MillerCross

I skimmed it as well, mostly because he didn't tell me anything new, really. 

The problem with Geek Girl Fetishisation is the same as with all fetishisation. It's a fixation on a platonic ideal that is just impossible to happen. Not to mention that most of it is rather shallow. I mean, "I want a hot girl who's totally into Homestuck and D&D hurr durr" how does that make for a good SO? It just means you can talk about those things, but it doesn't even mean that you're bound to agree on them. 

Gelzo

Wait, how are you defining "fetishization"? Some people have a fetish for black chicks, but it's not impossible for chicks to be black.

MillerCross

I just used Ian's wording. --shrug--

Personally, to me a fetish is something which you find sexually and/or romantically attractive and which you really need in order to get off. Not to the point of not being able to do anything else, but to the point where your enjoyment out of romance/sex is incredibly diminished by the lack of it.

Gelzo

Hum. That definition doesn't really occur to me. I wonder if it does to anyone I talk to in real life, because it seems like misunderstanding that could cause problems.

Forzare

I think that's technically the real definition of "fetish" in a sexual context, but it's not the one most people really operate under when they talk about it.

MillerCross

No, the real definition of fetish involves not being able to get off to anything but the fetishizes object at all. Mine involves being able to, but with a drawback. Which most of the time, it's true. People mostly mean kink when they say fetish, really.

Forzare

oh

IanExMachina

@Insanity:

Yeah IU'm non too fussed with the whole Geek culture is hivemind bit, my main focus was on the fetishisation really.

Regarding the definition of fetish it can refer to a person needing it solely to get off as well as being sexually gratifying to a high degree.

LouieW

I am not telling you to never date girls who are geeks. I am saying that you need to go into your relationship with your eyes open to reality, and to embrace that flawed, imperfect, all-too-human geeky girl for exactly who and what she is and not a fantasy that she could never achieve.

I think this is fairly reasonable and I am not going to argue with someone saying that dreaming up some perfect ideal mate can be damaging in the long run.

That being said, I would second what InsanityAddict said about "Geek culture" not being monolithic. Plus, being in a relationship with someone who has interests in common with you makes a lot of sense to me. Even though the actual content of that post may not say that doing that is unwise per se, I feel like the tone almost discourages it.

DonZabu

This is all the same advice you'd find on other websites, just with occasional references to geekiness thrown in.

MillerCross

As mentioned before, it's nothing new, but it's spot on in terms of understanding what's exactly behind the Geek Girl archetype. Honestly, it's one of the better reads on the subject I've found.

glennmagusharvey

If I saw a girl who prominently displayed a laundry-list's-worth of "geek credentials", I would probably be less interested than otherwise, because that would just scream "intentional pandering".

InsanityAddict

I wonder if the inverse would also happen: people who dismiss geek dudettes out of hand because they feel they'd be shallow for going for them.

glennmagusharvey

Well, the thing is, if you're actually interested in something, chances are you're not going to completely flood your external appearance with references to it...or if you do, chances are you're not my type anyway.

Then you get activities like conventions, where people practically expect others to do things like this, and I'm not sure what to make of them.

PrincessApricot

B-But.. I'm a geek girl!

Counterclock

Well, good, then you can read the article and the thread instead of acting out of pure gut-reaction.

glennmagusharvey

Correction: In cases where people are expected to display these sorts of behaviors, i go by another method.

Y'know, actually interacting with the person.

Gelzo

^^Which reminds me, IJBM: articles that use words misleadingly for a catchy title.

InsanityAddict

^^What is this "social interaction" you speak of?

MillerCross

It's like God, respect for people, and "it's wrong to kick people in the balls"

Myths. 

Malkavian

I pretty much agree with what Louie said, with the added caveat that I found the entire article rather uninteresting and nowhere near as insightful as it thought it was. There's a term for people who go into relationships expecting charming goddesses who solve all their problems: those who have never been in a relationship.

Honestly, I'm really tired of the slew of self-loathing nerd articles on the internet. It's like watching a guy with a stutter try to instruct a guy with a lisp on public speaking.

MadassAlex

What Malk said.

Schitzo

This reminds me of a girl that frequents the student lounge that has at least 4 articles of clothing on her person along the lines of "I <3 geeks"/ "talk nerdy to me" etc.

She's about as annoying as you'd expect.

Nyktos

You should ask her about her opinion on the sausage conjecture.

Gelzo

Obligatory at this point.

Is she anything like this? Never met someone like that.

Malkavian

I think people like that mostly exist on the internet. It's harder to do eye are elle.

For the record, I've never met anyone like that but I have met people of both genders saying girls shouldn't play video games.

MillerCross

For the record, I've never met anyone like that but I have met people of both genders saying girls shouldn't play video games.

indeed