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Going Out For Coffee This Morning With The Ex For the "Where did we go wrong?" Talk

TheConductorTheConductor
edited 2011-12-06 01:48:26 in General
Jeezo I'm not looking forward to this...wish me bloody luck!

Comments

  • WaltzyWaltzy
    :O
  • MalkavianMalkavian
    MORONS! I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!
    Whatever you do, do not do the Woody Allen thing and suggest get back together. 99 times out of a hundred if a relationship ends it's for the better.

    Also (hugs)


  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET

    To answer that question: In agreeing to meet post-break-up for a heartfelt conversation.


    Kudos to you, but I'd use it as an opportunity to settle practical stuff like who still has what of whom and air some grievances rather than trying to puzzle out how it stopped working: there often isn't a clear-cut answer and at worst it'll end up like an interpreting contest. But maybe I just know too many petty couples.

  • CornucopianSocialistCornucopianSocialist
    Did you agree to this? Why?

    Also, is it Starbucks?
  • PonicalicaPonicalica
    (void)
    I saw one of my exes for the first time since the breakup(which was on IM because she was in Vermont for the semester) a few weeks ago.  We just silently stared at each other for a few seconds.  God damn that was unsettling.
  • TheConductorTheConductor
    So I went. And I did something kind of bastardy.

    she gave me a list of things that I'd need to change in order for it to work out and I took her hand, and said; 
    "Ellie, darling, I can change. I can change for you, I can stop doing all the things that make you unhappy and make myself utterly perfect for you. At the drop of a hat I can change my personality and my lifestyle. I can. But I wont. I just wanted you to know that how little i care about you now and want you to understand that I can be WHATEVER I want to be. See ya." And I walked away  

  • MalkavianMalkavian
    MORONS! I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!
    Very mature. -_-
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    Agreed with the idiot in this one.
  • TheConductorTheConductor
    Which one of us is the idiot?

    She hurt me first damnit
  • ForzareForzare
    edited 2011-12-07 19:14:09
    Till shade is gone, till water is gone, into the Shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with the last breath, to spit in Sightblinder’s eye on the last Day.
    ^^^, ^^ Yeah. Kind of a dick move.

    There's ways of saying that you don't want a relationship anymore that wouldn't be as dickish.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    It's not just the fact that it's dickish so much as the fact that turning her down like that when she's clearly still somewhat interested in being in a relationship with you is...well, not cool, bro. If you're not interested and don't wanna see her again, it's just a matter of saying so. And trying to dress it as a punch won't exactly make you feel better, as you're bound to regret it, if you have any sense of morality at all.
  • IcalasariIcalasari
    No rainbow star
    :< I found it funny...
  • MalkavianMalkavian
    MORONS! I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!
    Not to mention not only does it hurt her, but it's also going to damage her opinion of you and if you cared about someone enough to have something like a relationship with them... burning bridges isn't a good idea.
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
    There are several ways that a diplomat might have handled this situation, but the above-stated way is not one of them.  That's all I'll say.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    which one of the above-stated ways?
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    edited 2011-12-07 19:36:04
    Diet NEET
    Whether it was a great come-back or spiteful nonsense all depends on what the actual list was.

    Also:
    Dear Princess Celestia,

    Today I learned that the magic of friendship can even overcome a bad break-up. Relationships that don't work don't necessarily have a guilty party, and holding grudges stands in the way of getting over it. Though it may take time and some avoidance of each other, friendship can return.

    Your Faithful Student,
    Twilight Sparkle
  • MadassAlexMadassAlex
    One foot in front of the other, every day.
    she gave me a list of things that I'd need to change in order for it to work out

    I'm siding with Conductor on this one. My shields cannot deflect arrogance of this magnitude. Conductor's actions might've been foolish and hurtful, but I absolutely hate getting this attitude from women -- as if the sum of my parts can be quantified and conveniently altered. Conductor's ex probably didn't mean to be insulting or condescending, but that's exactly how she was behaving.

    I would never, ever dream of giving a woman a list of things she should change in order to be more suitable as a partner. A person isn't a collection of independent traits, and sometimes you'll end up with someone that has some traits you dislike. While it's fair enough to work on some of them and strive for mutual progression, both in context of the relationship and as individuals, some things may be impossible to change or remove entirely. Then it's a case of tough shit -- you learn to deal with it or you move on.
  • ClockworkUniverseClockworkUniverse
    edited 2011-12-07 19:46:36
    OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    I'm siding with Conductor on this one. My shields cannot deflect arrogance of this magnitude.
    I'm agreed. If anyone gave me a list of things I need to fix if I'm to be up to their standards, I wouldn't consider them someone worth giving the time of day.
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET
    This all depends on the context. What was on the list? Was it literally summed up as a list, or is it just how the problems she had with him came up in the course of the conversation?

    I can't decide on this until I actually what he had to change.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    I have to say that it really depends on what the list says, yeah. Because, you know, maybe there was thoughtful criticism in there? Why should it be downright dismissed? Because it's presented in bad form? Does that stop such an hypothetical list from being right?
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
    Yeah, I think it would depend on what the list says.  Including how it's phrased.
  • MadassAlexMadassAlex
    One foot in front of the other, every day.
    A list does not make room for refutation or argument. By giving him a list in context of a "where did we go wrong?" talk, she was surreptitiously working in her arguments without actual dialogue. So the list diminishes actual discussion, and forces Conductor onto the back foot -- suddenly, he has to defend himself rather than partake of an open discussion.
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    edited 2011-12-07 20:02:58
    Diet NEET
    The list:
    *Something legitimate about personality(wild guess: poor impulse control)
    *Complaint about a hobby she can't stand
    *Nitpick about style of dress
    *Complaint about one of his best friends
    *Nitpick about household habit she can't stand
    *Milk
    *Eggs
    *Shifting blame of something that is entirely her fault onto him
    *Complaint about sex that she never bothered to bring up before because he should have asked
    *FREE SPACE
    *Turning complaint about him into a wide sling at the male sex
    *Comment that reveals obvious daddy issues if viewed from a misogynistic viewpoint
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