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My best friend is getting laid (NSFW)

VorpyVorpy
edited 2011-07-20 18:03:45 in Meatspace
☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
She is in my bedroom with a guy I hooked her up with that I have hung out with since High school, and from the sounds of it, she's having a nice time.

My only issue with this is that the guy is kind of fat, and I don't know what that would entail to the fate of my bed.
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Comments

  • ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻
    edited 2011-07-20 17:47:13
    Tableflipper
    That bed shouldn't receive significant damage, those things are designed to be strong enough.
  • CounterclockCounterclock
    Belief
    I'd wash your bed before you use it again if I were you. :3
  • VorpyVorpy
    ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    Oh, I guess it's okay then. I am just worried that she might not use a condom, or might let him do things to my bed that shouldn't be done, like....leak or spew. After that, I want to make sure she finishes at least, I wouldn't want her to not have any fun out of it after he's done.
  • ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻
    edited 2011-07-20 17:47:40
    Tableflipper
    ^^ ...I thought people usually do that anyway. inb4 changes to the posts i'm pointing to

    ^ How thick are your sheets and how expensive are they? see above
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    good to know, vorpy.
  • CounterclockCounterclock
    Belief
    @Ed: Just look at the name of the OP.
  • ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻
    Tableflipper
    ..oh. Meh.
  • VorpyVorpy
    ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    Well they aren't that expensive,it's just AHB capulet bedding, and I can order some more if it happens to get ruined, but I would just like it if they didn't get ruined. And from what I know (I never sleep in my own bed) they aren't very thick.


    good to know, vorpy.
    hey

    riveting tale, chap.
  • ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻
    Tableflipper
    I never sleep in my own bed

    Why do you even keep it around
  • CounterclockCounterclock
    edited 2011-07-20 17:49:49
    Belief
    ^ Do you even need to ask? :3c

    For obvious reasons.
  • VorpyVorpy
    ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    Why do you even keep it around

    Because It's nice to lay on, relax with others on, and put things upon. It's like a fluffy table or a giant chair.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    riveting tale, chap.

    amazing contribution, bud
  • VorpyVorpy
    ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    amazing contribution, bud

    nice load, cracker
  • ┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻
    Tableflipper
     fluffy table 

    I hate the thought of this for some reason.
  • VorpyVorpy
    ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    Well if you want to play your laptop on it it's less forboding than a metal or wood table.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    You're not the only one, actually.
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET

    What does hooking up entail? It can be anything from introducing the bros to each other to helping her dispose of her v-card. If it verges towards the latter category, I hope you don't get flak for destroying her pride/falsely giving off the impression that a relationship would come of it/whatever. In such a situation it's easy for the person to shift the blame for their own poor judgement.

  • VorpyVorpy
    ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    -grabs the hyperbolophone-

    "BAWWW I WANNA BOYFRIEND"

    "Hold on."

    "WAAAAAAAH UR IGNORING ME YOU HATE ME WAAAAAH"

    "Shut up I'm looking"

    "NOBODY WANTS ME I AM SO GARBAGE FOREVER ALONE BORN 2B BETRAYED"

    "WILL YOU STOP THAT SHIT?!"

    "NUUUUUU IM JUST UGLY AND FAT AND NOBODY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME"

    "FINE THEN, FUCK..."

    -ring ring ring banana phone-

    "Hello, this is Banana phone, you want a banana?"

    "No, my friend is going into a sexually frustrated spiral and I need a banana for her."

    "Okay, I'll be there shortly"

    "thank you, banana phone."
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET

    WHO WAS PHONE?

    Then John was a banana.

  • VorpyVorpy
    ☭Unstoppable Sex Goddess☭
    In other words I was sick of ther bitching, whining and complaining about her inability to find guys who she wants to go out with being too fucking insecure about asking people out so I just found somebody I knew who wanted a girlfriend really bad and I hooked them up.
  • CounterclockCounterclock
    Belief
    Just text "Lonely 4eva" To 1-800-Vorpy-LinesUS for your match-up in life.
  • Wicked223Wicked223
    We Played Some Open Chords and Rejoiced, For the Earth Had Circled the Sun Yet Another Year
    ^ lawl
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET

    On one hand, well played that it actually worked out. On the other hand, if shit turns sour, she'll think she'll have a license to whine even more.

  • MyrmidonMyrmidon
    This will so totally be the plot to a romantic comedy I'm going to write.
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET

    A modern update of Cyrano du Bergerac?

  • MalkavianMalkavian
    MORONS! I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!
    I'm now imagining your friend fucking Raffi.

    Thank you for destroying my childhood.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    What are you now, a Star wars fan?
  • MalkavianMalkavian
    MORONS! I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!
    ^That's not allowed to be as funny as it is.
  • MyrmidonMyrmidon
    No. It will be called Failure To Launch and it will star Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew McConaughey, and also Zooey Deschanel as Vorpy.
  • CounterclockCounterclock
    Belief
    With that "All-star" cast, I can't see how this would go wrong.

    I mean, there is a difference between a good movie going wrong and a bad movie going right after all.

    P.s. That's gonna be a bad movie.
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