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I think my boyfriend might be a unicorn

BobBob
edited 2011-02-14 23:18:41 in Meatspace
Only problem is, there's no way to be completely sure, and I can't just go up to him and ask him. I mean, what if he gets offended? What if he really is a unicorn and he leaves me due to me finding out about his horrible secret? I mean, even if he stays, could I even be in a relationship with a unicorn? I mean, they're cool and all, but how would that work out? I mean, certain things would just be... uh... Well, yeah.

...

:,C
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Comments

  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    Hmm, that is a perplexing problem indeed.  Have you ever seen him bleed?  Is his blood silver?  Try cutting him open sometime and check.
  • BobBob
    But his skin is just too soft and pretty and delicate! D:

    If he is, it won't cause any lasting damage, will it?
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    Then taste the blood, just to be sure.
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
    if you eat him, you might get poison resistance.

    Also, his horn is likely to cure diseases.
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    I got a better idea: sell his horn to ivory traders. You'll make a fortune.
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    @Bob: If he's a unicorn, I'm sure he can just heal from it.  And if he asks about the wound, just told him vampires/Voldemort/a gay zombie did it.  Or you can refer him to me, and tell him I did it.  He'd believe that, trust me.
  • BobBob
    edited 2011-02-14 23:26:53
    Goddammit, I ain't trying to eat / kill him! I want him alive! What's wrong with you people?! D: Besides, he needs that horn!

    Also, does the consumption of certain bodily fluids also count in regards to poison resistance?

    ^Erm, alright, I guess...
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    Careful with that horn, there: for all you know, it might be his penis.
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    Yeah, and his eyes might really be testicles!
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    Oh, that reminds me of something, about a girl on Gaia Online who had an eyeball fetish.
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    edited 2011-02-14 23:32:29
    What, so she's physically attracted to eyes?  I mean, I'm pretty sure it's normal to find eyes attractive since they're one of the first things you notice about a person's face, but I can't imagine going after a huge eye with no other features of anything.
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    No, I mean that she imagined that my testicles were eyeballs, that the head of my dick was an eyeball.
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    ....Just when I thought I'd heard it all.
  • AXavierBAXavierB
    Polish his magic horn.
  • BobBob
    On that note, this is only semi-related, but I've been meaning to ask...

    Would me fucking a unicorn count as beastiality? What about that shit about unicorns only appearing to virgins? If we do each other, will he just disappear afterwards or what?
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
    Also, @ thread:

  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    edited 2011-02-14 23:59:48
    ^^ If he can magically transform into a human as you've implied, no.  If you do it while he's only in partial unicorn form, you're a furry.

    ^ OH SHIT IT'S THE COPS!
  • BobBob
    So, would it be like fucking a human that can transform into a unicorn, or fucking a unicorn that can transform into a human? If it's the latter, no thank you! D:

    ...Partial unicorn?
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    Hell, I don't know!  I'd need my Monster Manual to answer a question like that, and I'm loaning it to a friend right now.  If things get serious, see if he's actually devoted enough to you to answer that type of thing himself.
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    Head to the FurAffinity forums and ask them. They can tell you, and they can provide pictorial examples, too!
  • BobBob
    ...In that case, I'd rather not know...

    Would said pictorial examples be hawt?
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    edited 2011-02-15 00:34:45
    Most likely, no. In fact, they'll be so repulsive, they'll make you disgusted of all unicorns in existence and turn you into a lesbian.
  • BobBob
    ...So, if I already am a lesbian, will they turn me straight or just make me even more of a lesbian?
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    They might make you want to be Asexual, actually.  And if they do, welcome to the club in advance!
  • BobBob
    But I don't wanna be asexual! I like being a trap-loving pseudo lesbian pretending to be an indiscriminate whore! D:
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    ...Midnight?  Is that you?  Anyway, being asexual isn't so bad.  You can just go biromantic like I did, you won't notice the difference!
  • BobBob
    You just now noticed it was me? :P

    But, I ain't a romance kind of girl! Who do you think I am, Lady Gaga? Look, we may have shared a body for, like, two years, but we're not the same person! Why don't you people get that? I just want the sex! The glorious, copious, luminous, sexinous sex!
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
    /me pours luminol on Bob
  • DonZabuDonZabu
    edited 2011-02-15 00:50:26
    Grr, how could I have not noticed? Do I have to bring Tsumugi in here?
  • randomtropeloserrandomtropeloser
    edited 2011-02-15 00:52:45
    ^^^ Holy crap, I just now realized it was you!  HAI MIDNIGHT!  Anyways...  Yeah, I'll need a sec to form a reply to that.  Lady Gaga isn't into sex?  Nevermind, that's a stupid question anyway.  So, um, sex.  Yeah.  We've officially left the zone of things that Random actually knows about.  Can anyone here help me learn about sex? 

    Anyway, I'd just like to say; being an Asexual is kind of like being a Vegan.  It isn't an easy road, but it's worth it.  We're just better than everyone else, plain and simple!

    (Didn't you contemplate going asexual at least once?)
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