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Let's Watch Ed, Edd n Eddy!
BRRRLLBRLBLBLBBLLLL!...
Yes. Ed, Edd n Eddy. A delightful series from my childhood about three adolescent boys going on adventure in their neighborhood cul-de-sac, coming up with plenty of ridiculous scams so that they can get the neighborhood kids hard-earned money. Mostly so they can spend it on, the holiest of candies:
THE JAWBREAKER!!!
(Imagine these but as big as my balls your head.)
So yeah. This series was created in 1999, during the Renaissance of Cartoons, and the series ended in 2009, making it the longest running series on Cartoon Network ever, in terms of years. I will be liveblogging it for you bitches, from start to finish. Every episode, all the specials, and the movie, which I will list and link in this first post because you are all lazy assholes. I will spice up your lives with gifs and fan-art, as I find them, or feel they fit. You'll have to give me a little patience here. Ed, Edd, n Eddy stuff is hard to find sometimes. (The episodes were a bitch enough to find.
Episode 1-1: The Ed Touchables
Comments
That show ran until 2009? Would not have seen that coming.
Episode 1-1: The Ed Touchables
Jeez. This ALREADY brings back memories.
We come up to a house. A very tacky, ugly house, like everything else in this world. Also, it's yellow. -2 points. We enter the house, coming up to Edd's room. He is the first character of the show to be introduced. Seems fitting I guess.
The sound of pulling and taping is heard as in scans the room. This guy sure is nerdy. Maybe he's a troper?
You can tell the kid has OCD already.
He heard the doorbell, and goes to answer it. No one is there. Rotten kids. On the way back up stairs, it rings again. No one at the door. It happens again, but this time a bucket filled with water falls on his head. It happens a fourth time, and making sure to check above him before looking outside, he is hit in the face with a big, slimy fish. haw. But no one was there. So, he goes back upstairs, spelling like a magical floating space fish.
It rings again. This time it's Eddy. He totally didn't do it.
Eddy: Hey Edd! What took ya so long?
So this guy is cool. Short, but cool. Or at least he pretends to be. How he is friends with Edd, I don't know. Well, I do. But you don't, yet. So the nerdy neat freak, and the whiny-voiced square headed cool guy (who is pink), go up to Edd's room, but before they go in, Edd reminds Eddy that he has to take off his shoes and put on bunny slippers before entering his room.
Purely for sanitary reasons, of course. If this was Looney Tunes, his lips would get sucked right off.
This part is pretty much just for characterization purposes. It shows us that Edd is a neat freak when Eddy instantly starts jumping on the bed, do to his playful nature. Eddy messes with Edd by switching some of the labels on his stuff. He puts TOILET on the bed. Edd's too smart to fall for that...I hope.
The Edd freaks out when he finds his magnifying glass is not where it should be. He comes to the conclusion that someone has stolen it, and you know, he didn't lose it because that would be impossible, right?
Edd: I feel so violated...
Eddy: Maybe you misplaced it.
Edd: NEVER! -smacks Eddy in the face-
Edd starts acting like a drama queen questioning to the Gods why someone would touch his stuff. WITH THEIR FILTHY HANDS. He pretends to get really sick, and starting yelling and shit. Eddy picks up his bed, and slams him over the head with it. Then he calms down. I reckon we'll be seeing a lot of Edd like this. He really is the girl of the trio.
The two decide to race to Ed's place. He's in his basement/room, and they sneak up on him from that small window thing that basements have. You know what I mean.
Ed is watching some in black and white, and horror related on tv. This happens a lot. And he's laughing like the idiot he is. UH HUH HUH HUUH HUH UH.
HILARIOUS CARTOON ANTICS.
Eddy tries to sneak up on Ed and pounce him, but Ed instantly locks him in a noogie. Edd tries it but he gets him too.
Then the room starts to shake and bang, and stuff starts to fall off tables. A little girl
loligirl kicks Ed's door down and starts screaming in his face.This bitch looks pretty sweet and innocent, huh?
Sarah: WHERE IS SHEEE?!
Sarah wants her Polly Poo-Poo doll, which has gone missing. Why do all cartoon dolls have names that involve excrement?
Sarah starts flipping out, gnawing on Ed's chair and tearing at mobiles. Ed claims he didn't take it, and Sarah, of course, immediately calls him a liar and pounces on him, tearing at his head, while Edd and Eddy are still stuck in Ed's death grip.
Eddy: Ya...gotta love these family moments...
When they finally get Sarah off, Eddy declares this as "Epidemical".
Eddy: Edd's magnifying glass. Sarah's...doll. -kicks Sarah away-
Someone or something is touching everybody's stuff. They have to warn everyone that a Serial Toucher is on the loose! Then we get Eddy's first CASH freakout of the show. His hair turns into money signs. CHA CHING.
Cut away to Eddy on a wooden box, yelling to all the kids "TOUCHER ON THE LOOSE. BEWARE OF THE SERIAL TOUCHER." Yeah.
Here, Kevin has his first line. Ah, Kevin. The douche of the show. Backwords hat, thinks he's cool, has a bike, and plays sports. He instantly has nothing but animosity, calling the Eds dorks, asking what they will do about the problem.
Eddy says they will solve the mystery, and the kids say they would pay money to see that.
Just to give a little insight, Kevin says "dork" three times in this scene, and two of those times, he's not even on screen.
Cut to Edd and Eddy strapping a sign to Ed that says "Don't Touch", as Ed sits on a bench. Eddy declares that their is no way the Toucher can resist this. Yes, this is all happening. I can't believe I didn't catch this as a kid.
Eddy and Edd hide behind a bush, as Kevin rides by on his bike. He yells dork again and rides off.
Johnny 2x4 walks by, and yeah that's his last name.
I made his picture bigger because he's just that annoying. Sandal wearing weirdo.
He talks to his little friend of wood named Plank, and they touch Ed to feel his haircut. This signals a blaring alarm. They try to trap Johnny but he runs off, starting a chase sequence.
Then this happens. But only 3 times.
The Ed's trip Johnny, and he tells Plank to save himself, and he throws him as hard as he can. He lands right in front of him. The Ed's take Johnny and Plank to their dungeon.
Johnny wakes up, strapped to a chair in a dark room, and wires are taped
all over his body. Plank is next to him in the same predicament. Ed
shines a light on Johnny's face and points him to "Double D's surprise".
A lie detector.
SCIENCE.
Eddy starts interrogating Johnny, but he has no clue what they are
talking about. Double D says the results are inconclusive, as he puts a
slice of bread in the toaster. The funniest thing is that the dial-up
sound can be heard. Eddy then decides to interrogate Plank. But Plank doesn't respond,
giving Eddy the silent treatment. Eddy then tries to backhand Plank, and
his hand starts to hurt very badly and he screams.
The toast comes out of the toaster, and after Double D TYPES AT HIS
COMPUTER BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE IS CALCULATING, the lite brite board
concludes that Plank is lying.Eddy decides to try Chinese Water Torture. He pulls out a squirt gun,
and it slowly drips on Plank's head, and that drives Johnny crazy as the
drips echo and echo.
Johnny can't take it anymore, and he really has to pee, so he confesses to taking everyone's stuff. Case closed, boys!
So the Eds get their jar full of change, and happily shove off to get
jawbreakers, but they are stopped by Sarah and Jimmy. Sarah proclaims
that she found her dolly under her bed.
Jimmy shows the dolly, and then pets it. We'll see more of The Littlest
Homo later. Double D reveals that he found his Magnifying Glass, and
that he misplaced it.
But the boys already got their money, so they can't just UNPUNISH
Johnny. (The punishment was getting stuck in a tire and rolling around)
So the boys get to suck on their big hard balls of sugar.
Double
Eddy: Nah! You know what they say. A little childhood trauma builds character.
-Johnny rolls by and the jawbreakers all out of their mouths and they chase after them into the sunset-
Eddy, while completely incorrect, makes a good point
END.