›
If you have an email ending in @hotmail.com, @live.com or @outlook.com (or any other Microsoft-related domain), please consider changing it to another email provider; Microsoft decided to instantly block the server's IP, so emails can't be sent to these addresses.
If you use an @yahoo.com email or any related Yahoo services, they have blocked us also due to "user complaints"
-UE

Humour + Sex

2»

Comments

  • ClockworkUniverseClockworkUniverse
    OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    My sex ed teacher knew significantly less about sex than my class.
  • SotiCotoSotiCoto
    RE-ANIMATOR
    Awww... they wrote "come" on yours? We just got the word "ejaculate" in as many tenses as it is humanly possible to put it. 
    And of course the dreaded masturbation lesson... for which the only highlight was my laughing at all the non-circumcised kids for having to clean out smeg.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    > Sex ed teacher sucking a banana-penis

    > According to him.

    Hmmmmm?
  • SotiCotoSotiCoto
    RE-ANIMATOR
    We were taught to put condoms on KING SIZE Mars Bars..... It kinda set the standard a bit high.
    O'course the teacher had a model penis instead... which also set the standard a bit high. It was at least 8 inches. I hate to think what it was used for outside of sex-ed classes.
  • NovaNova
    If you must eat a phoenix, boil it, do not roast it. This only encourages their mischievous habits.
    Yeah, it was a bit weird.
  • SotiCotoSotiCoto
    RE-ANIMATOR
    Then there was that kid who insisted that the teacher couldn't prove they were qualified to teach sex-ed... and that we should get the maths teacher in to do it instead, because she was pregnant and thus HAD to know about all it.
    I think the kid's name was Jake... but I don't really remember. Many years since then. Also a few schools.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    Mostly because most school's sex ed classes gloss over homosexuality or just mention it on the last class.

    The penis goes on the vagina, you use condoms to avoid STDs which are magical worms that hop from the penis to the vagina and kill you...or at the very least, hurt you forever and can only be healed via amputation. You sometimes can do other things like taste her penis or his vagina. Ohandsometimesmenlikeeachotherandinsertoneoftheirpenisuptheirbutt. Good day

    This was pretty much my sex ed class. Note all the inacurracies. I shit you not, that's pretty much what they taught us
  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    Sex is evil. Don't do it. Now here are condoms. 
  • NovaNova
    If you must eat a phoenix, boil it, do not roast it. This only encourages their mischievous habits.
    Mostly because most school's sex ed classes gloss over homosexuality or just mention it on the last class.

    He just liked the strawberry flavouring.
  • IanExMachinaIanExMachina
    edited 2011-06-10 20:15:06
    I am Dr. Ned who is totally not Dr. Zed in disguise.
    First sex education I've ever had we were shown a video going over everything from acne to anal to menstruation. (At primary school no less).

    Afterwards a boy pipes up and says
    "I think I'm having a period on my face" Whilst he points to his acne.

    I nearly died laughing.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    > He just liked the strawberry flavouring.

    It's a dude sucking a phallic object. He might not be homosexual, but damn if it didn't imply so.

    > "I think I'm having a period on my face" Whilst he points to his acne.

    I love that kid. 

  • SotiCotoSotiCoto
    edited 2011-06-10 20:21:05
    RE-ANIMATOR
    ^^ Heh... reminds me of how we used to joke about Andrew Buckley's nasal periods.... largely because he would get a severe nosebleed once a month, every month... it was uncanny.


    But anyhow... Our sex-ed classes said NOTHING about "love", and naturally didn't mention homosexuality at all.  They just went on about STDs, about genital anatomy and how it fits together, about pregnancy, and about preventative methods... oh yeah... and the masturbation lesson. Non-practical, obviously. But the video was completely unforgivable. It is burned insufferably into my memory.
    Anyhow... oral / anal / nasal / whatever sex went unmentioned. Then again, it wasn't as if positions were detailed either. We were made to feel like a bunch of walking, talking penises and vaginas..... which, to be fair, is disturbingly close to the truth for most people.
  • ClockworkUniverseClockworkUniverse
    OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    To clarify what I was saying about my sex-ed teacher: she did not seem to be aware that it's possible to have sex without lying down.
  • SotiCotoSotiCoto
    RE-ANIMATOR
    Missionary or nothing, eh? That shit scares me. It is awfully difficult to play with the boobs in missionary position.
  • IanExMachinaIanExMachina
    I am Dr. Ned who is totally not Dr. Zed in disguise.
    ^
    Indeed.

    ^^
    Had she had sex before?
    (Was she super christian?)
  • ClockworkUniverseClockworkUniverse
    edited 2011-06-10 21:12:27
    OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    ^Well, she claimed she'd waited until marriage, and was young enough that that probably couldn't have been that long ago.
  • IanExMachinaIanExMachina
    I am Dr. Ned who is totally not Dr. Zed in disguise.
    Wow, in this age I'm astounded that someone that age could get through life with nary a mention/hearing that there is more than one sexual position.

    Although she waited till marriage so I guess her upbringing played an effective dampening method.
  • GuyInWhiteGuyInWhite
    Morgan Freeman is God
    > Personal record for clitoral orgasm through cunnilingus: 5 minutes. 

    I was going to say that I wouldn't mind giving oral sex to a woman, but I was kind of under the impression that it would only take about a minute.

    If women are really that hard to please, I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    You don't have to give her oral sex till she orgasms. Though it would be preferable.
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET
    You also have fingers, bro. Mix it a bit up if it starts to ache. And it's flexible with all dudettes, the only reason that time would have any semblance of a record is that she told me that went faster than usual, and even then it is probably a fluke based on what mood she's in.

    Moodkiller as it might be, you talk about these kinds of things. Even simply asking her how she wants it and telling her to not be too shy to tell when something's going right/wrong before you go down on her is enough to know what you have to do, and the more you spend time with a partner, the more you know what to do.
  • AHRAHR
    Sides, how long does it take YOU to finish?
  • Wicked223Wicked223
    edited 2011-06-11 09:10:12
    We Played Some Open Chords and Rejoiced, For the Earth Had Circled the Sun Yet Another Year
    about 30 seconds if I go continuously

    probably somewhat longer than that
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    ^^ Depends on my mood. >_>


  • SotiCotoSotiCoto
    RE-ANIMATOR
    Fingers are funny.  One of my exes musta been really weak-walled inside, cos every time I fingered her I got blood all over my hand.... EVERY time....   I kinda liked that, honestly.  O'course when I had to move out, I also had to explain the bloody hand-prints on the wall to the landlord.
Sign In or Register to comment.