My friend trying to get me to help him with his pathetic attempts at interacting with his crush

All Nines

All he ever talks about is his plans for what to do involving said crush or talking about how he checked her out and how totally hot she is, etc. Even now that he learned that everyone, including her, knows his feelings, he's nervous and is trying to learn exactly what people said in a conversation involving him. It's pretty creepy, and he refuses to acknowledge that his obsession is a bad thing.

Thing is, this has been going on for probably two years at this point, his angsty, awkward attempts at conversation with her and his trying to convince himself that he might have a chance, even though he never ended up taking the initiative and befriending her at first, because, again, he's awkward like that (nice run-on, Everest). This is really all he does nowadays, besides trying to trick me into telling him what time it is at lunch (that's more of a running joke at this point) making idiotic comebacks when we say disparaging things about him, trying to troll us, and pestering me to chat even though we have little to talk about.

It's annoying enough that this girl is the center of his universe, but he expects the rest of us, clueless foreveralones that we also are, to help him in some way. How would we do that? I can't be where he would need me at all times, and I really don't actually know how he can make himself more appealing in this girl's eyes (though it's a little too late now).

And he keeps bringing up his woes even though I've told him a dozen times that I stopped caring.

Oy vey.

I know, Cool Story, Bro, and all that. But I wanted to get this off of my chest.

TheConductor

Have sex with her. Then she'll love him.

InsanityAddict

Oh, gossip threads, I love these.

Tell him to ask /adv/ for help. Alternatively, tell him to go do a sport, take dancing classes, get a new look, get a job, go befriend other dudettes as practice, anything that helps him improve his life in general. Might as well use it as a proxy to get him to work on himself.

Gelzo

This reminds me of my loser crushes.

Not that my crushes were losers, just that I had crushes in a loser way.

Fuck, I don't think I've had one that wasn't. I guess I don't have any evidence to contradict a claim that having a crush makes me a creepy little fucker.

All Nines

^^^ I wish. She's quite gorgeous, and probably the most moe girl at my school. At the same time, I don't think about her too often because we don't have that much in common and it's already too late to make a good enough first impression or work my way into her circle of friends. But my friend has even less in common with her and is even more awkward than I am (though he did actually summon up the guts to ask her to dance once; she did, but it doesn't seem to have meant anything to her).

^^ I find it really tempting to send him to /adv/, but I'm not that much of a dick. And I don't think he would make good on attempting any of that stuff.

^ I've felt that way before too. But then I don't like imagining myself in sexual situations with anyone, either.

Gelzo

I know that if it were me, I'd rather be clearly told by the girl that she wasn't interested. Maybe convince her to do that?

InsanityAddict

It's not the gal's responsibility to do that, but it would spare a lot of dickfuckery.

wannabeotaking

You ever just tell your friend off? It isn't really dickish but if you gotta go to an online forum to rant about it, then maybe it's time to sit him down for a talk.

Either that or just tell him to FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HER. (sorry had to do that...)

All Nines

^ The sad thing is that I've done both of those things (well, not with that exact phrasing). Multiple times. He's unbelievably dense.

I wouldn't have come here to bitch about it if I hadn't already tried that.

glennmagusharvey

This sorta reminds me of the time that I had a crush on this girl in high school, who was quite well-known, and I kept on dropping hints to, like, everyone, that I was interested in her.