/adv/ is worrying the hell out of me (please, stifle your laughter)

All Nines

DISCLAIMER PART 1: Yes, I'm aware it's a 4chan board. Yes, I know that there are some trolls and some misogynistic imbeciles on that board (I still ponder on just how much of what's posted there is horseshit). Yes, I know I'm probably irrational.

DISCLAIMER PART 2: Despite the tone of the OP, I'm not trying to draw sympathy or anything. Just hoping to maybe get some advice from friends, and from a board that's not full of backwards sexism, and getting something off my chest. Now that that's out of the way:

Knowing that some of those people posting actually have some sort of anecdotal evidence/life stories to back themselves up, I'm wondering just how much of it is true, and I'm starting to fret. I wouldn't bitch about my problem over there because I don't want to know how they'd answer, for any reason, and because they've heard it before.

This thread is draining me emotionally. Sadly, I'm seeing a lot of myself in these foreveralone types. The only real advantage that I have is that I'm younger than most of them.

I was planning to wait until college before trying a relationship, but I'm starting to think college might be too late. Since I still have a year here, I was thinking about getting to know someone at school better, but I've already met the people I'm interested in, and I feel like suddenly inserting myself into some of these groups would be forced and be a dead giveaway.

Wat do, IJBM?

Sammy

You say you've met them already, how did that go?

┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(`Д´）╯︵ ┻━┻

What is the /adv/ board fo-

*clicks link*

why would you make that moot

IanExMachina

Aim for a relationship when you feel you are up for it, so many different people with different views on it. It doesn't matter as they are all different.

All Nines

^^^ Well, it's not like I'm completely awkward. I can carry myself in a conversation, and I can at least say "Hi" without stumbling over myself.

And I've even made jokes and interacted with some of these people before. Generally, I can rely on not being outcast by others. In fact, at a band camp once, my roommate, when he asked about me to some of his friends (people I know, some of whom I was interested in) said "They said 'Oh, he's so sweet'. I'm dead serious" (because we somehow got into a talk about relationship stuff after he danced with a girl for the first time and he expressed dismay over the distance between the two, geographically). But I tend to outcast myself; due to that problem of asserting my presence, I tend to just watch other things or people from a distance and refrain from looking at them if they're nearby, and then just loom around a group that I'm sort of friends with, or my closer friends if they're somehow available.

^ See, I believe that, but that philosophy won't do shit to help me change.

Stormtroper

Oh God, I shouldn't have read that thread.

And my birthday is soon.

foreveralone.jpg

GLORIOUSLeader

Now I am sad.

InsanityAddict

You feel socially awkward and have very little to contribute to conversations. The solution is to go do stuff: do a sport, take your hobbies as a social springboard, get a job/go do volunteer work, join a society or club or whatever and try to go for a committee position therein, and stop worrying about it. The moment you let all your actions be ruled by approval-seeking, your mood becomes a rollercoaster.

IanExMachina

^ This

All Nines

"do a sport"

I do swimming and Ultimate Frisbee. And Marching Band almost counts.

"get a job/go do volunteer work"

I'm in the process of getting a lifeguarding job.

"join a society or club or whatever"

Like what? I'm not interested in school politics, and anyway it's probably too late for that.

"approval-seeking"

Where was I doing that? I'm not denying it; I'm genuinely curious.

IanExMachina

Well just talk to people you are comfortable with, see if you share interests. Overall just don't worry too much though.

InsanityAddict

Virginity-angst is a form of approval-seeking. Social assumptions say there's something wrong with you if you don't bang before 19(or around). You're afraid that they have a point: you don't need the validation of proles who use this rule of thumb.

Moving on to the next point: you have a life, then why do you fall into the background in groups if you don't like that? Do you find talking a hassle? Do you feel you'd bore others with telling them about yourself?

How many friends do you really need before it stops adding anything? And most important of all, what are you looking for in a girl? Not an idealized set of characteristics, just someone you wouldn't mind losing your virginity to. First determine that, then see if anything in your perimeter fits the mold.

Magus

4chan has an advice board? Isn't that like appointing a crazy hermit who lives in the woods to Secretary of Transportation?

The trick is to internalize feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy, then diminish them in socially acceptable ways. Find out if there's a batting cage, golf course, gym with a punching bag/karate classes, or similar conveniences nearby.

IanExMachina

^

Really... that advice...?

Magus

Ehh...

ATTN CRAZYGOGGS: IF YOU ARE GOING TO READ MY ABOVE POST IN A FUNNY WAY, CAN YOU PLEASE USE 'PRETENTIOUS, UPPER-CLASS BRITISH GENTLEMAN'?

ninjaclown

Raise your self-esteem, basically. Personally, I would start by stop going to 4chan, but that's your choice.

InsanityAddict

4chan is excellent for your self-esteem. So much misery and stupidity makes you look better in comparison.

GLORIOUSLeader

^^^ Sorry, he only does TVTropes. 

All Nines

^^^ To be fair, /adv/ is the only board I actually visit.

Which is arguably worse than visiting some combination of other boards.

Magus

Go to /tg/ instead. /tg/ is the best board (although that isn't saying much).

InsanityAddict

/lit/ is the best. Snobbery has never felt as good as it does over there.

Chagen

Shit, the thread 404'd.

Explination plz

Magus

Standard '80s teen coming-of-age comedy fare, I can only assume. With that special 4chan flavor of insults.

InsanityAddict

>I'm a kissless virgin, is this detrimental to relationship prospects?

>ugh, creeper

>irrelevant gender wars

>society needs to change

>i'm in a similar conundrum but have nothing to contribute

>derp i don't get how this can happen

>work on yourself, OP

Predictable and completely useless as /adv/ normally is.

All Nines

See, that's all true, but I'm still pathetic enough that I let it get to me.

Back to your point on approval-seeking: I didn't feel like I was trying to get other people to say things to make me feel better; I already know that there isn't necessarily anything wrong with someone who's still a kissless virgin at 17. I was really just looking for advice, to see if either there was something I'm missing, or if I've heard it all before.

At least I can still laugh at their plight. That's a good thing, right?

DarkDecapodian

4chan has an advice board? Isn't that like appointing a crazy hermit who lives in the woods to Secretary of Transportation?

I'd say more like employing an openly misanthropic jerkass with multiple murder convictions as a therapist, myself.

Of course, spending too much time on 4chan, or indeed most messageboards and fora will increase your chances of becoming an openly misanthropic jerkass with multiple murder convictions anyway.

Chagen

I have a feeling that /adv/ probably isn't meant to be taken seriously.

All Nines

^ Probably. A lot of it is really stupid. But I'm pretty stupid about some things too, and for every bundle of poor advice and trolling, there's a genuinely sad life story that reminds me of myself. And I'd pretty much be a classic example of a foreveralone if I weren't still in high school.

InsanityAddict

A 4chan phase is necessary for your moral development. The cynicism and desensitization are vital qualities to incorporate into yourself as long as you don't let them define you.

DarkDecapodian

^ Plus it will help you cope with declining standards of behaviour and discourse. Watching a presidential candidate refure their opponent's platform with 'ur a fag' 'won't be as disheartening after several months on /b/,