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Comments
Unless I forgot where Ohio is.
Otherwise, I dunno.
...I dunno. I don't even listen to the Rolling Stones, but that was still the first thing I thought of when I saw "I was born..."
Dracula was killed by a Texan with a bowie knife. True fact.
Pfft, pussy. Some of us have to work in that.
Also, stereotypes of every state:
* Alaska: A lot of snow, a lot of wilderness, and a lot of nothing. And bridges to nowhere.
* Hawaii: The best place to vacation due to the beaches and the tan-skinned dancing girls wearing grass skirts and leis. Also contains volcanoes.
* Washington: Rain, forests, and Microsoft. (And Nintendo of America, by the way.)
* Oregon: Something like Washington, but with less Microsoft and more California.
* California: Beaches, earthquakes, Hollywood, and gay people.
* Nevada: Casinos, prostitution, and some mining. Also lots of U.S. military land.
* Arizona: Desert. Contains illegal immigrants. Also now contains wacky anti-immigrant politicians.
* New Mexico: Like Mexico but without the drug wars and with more English.
* Utah: Mormons, a big salty lake, and vast expanses of nothing (plus some cool national parks).
* Wyoming: National parks, like Yellowstone and Grand Teton. Also, cowboys.
* Idaho: Potatoes, and a whole lotta nothing. (The state really does have no national parks, except for a sliver of Yellowstone.)
* Montana: ...mountains? And a whole lotta nothing.
* Colorado: Mountains and desert, and Denver. Supposedly a very fit state for some reason.
* North Dakota: Dakota #1 or Dakota #2. See South Dakota for details.
* South Dakota: Dakota #1 or Dakota #2. See North Dakota for details.
* Nebraska: Farmland.
* Kansas: Farmland and fundies.
* Oklahoma: Farmland and violent fundies.
* Texas: Farmland, fundies, violent fundies, hispanics, rich white oil men, cowboys, people obsessed with guns, Republicans, Republican gerrymanders, oil fields, more cowboys, rich white oil men in cowboy hats, more hispanics, illegal immigrants, racists, more Republicans, more farmland, and things that are big, such as this list.
* Louisiana: Very conservative white racists, an eroding coastline, and New Orleans.
* Arkansas: Democrats, apparently.
* Missouri: The quintessential swing state that is actually a red state.
* Iowa: Farms. Corn. Corn farmers. And lately, people who like corn ethanol a bit too much.
* Minnesota: Ten thousand lakes, Lake Wobegon, and recently, Al Franken.
* Wisconsin: Cheese and dairy products, and recently, Scott Walker.
* Michigan: Borders with the great lakes, an automobile industry (or what's left of it), and Detroit (or what's left of it, or what's left of what's left of it).
* Illinois:
The SimpsonsSpringfield and Chicago, but most importantly, Chicago. Which contains lots of Democrats, black people, and corruption.* Indiana: Car racing and farmland.
* Ohio: Rust belt state where the Wright Brothers are from. Might have a future. Contains Columbus, Cleveland, and Cincinnati.
* Kentucky: Horse racing and farming. Until recently, Jim Bunning. More recently, Rand Paul.
* Tennessee: Country music and Elvis Presley. And presumably, Elvis impersonators to go along with it.
* Mississippi: Southern state. Probably contains racism and agriculture.
* Alabama: Southern state. Probably contains racism and agriculture and inbreeding.
* Georgia: Southern state. Probably contains racism and agriculture, but definitely contains peaches.
* South Carolina: Southern state. Probably contains racism and agriculture, and likes palmettos, but definitely contains insane politicians.
* North Carolina: Southern state. Probably contains racism and agriculture...plus a place where several colleges are known for being really great at sports and science/engineering.
* Virginia: Has lots of mountains. A swing state. Not the location of former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford.
* West Virginia: Rust belt state with a long (and at times sordid) tradition of coal mining, and even less of a future than Ohio. May compare favorably with Michigan as long as cap-and-trade can stay dead.
* Pennsylvania: History and tourism on one side, Pittsburgh on the other, and Alabama or West Virginia in between.
* District of Columbia: Still not a state, but contains lots of federal government stuff, tourist destinations, and poor black people that the tourists never see.
* Delaware: Very old, very small, very blue state. May look like it did 200 years ago.
* New Jersey: New York City's 6th borough, plus some wealthy areas for boarding-school-type rich families. Contains lots of political corruption, and accordingly lots of hate for politicians.
* New York: Contains New York City (which contains everything anyway), plus a long island where Mr. Gatsby lives, plus some land above New York City that no one cares about except Niagara Falls, and some Ivy-League school in the middle of nowhere.
* Connecticut: New York City's other 6th borough, plus a poor rest of the state. Also contains some airplanes and helicopters. Supposedly helped to write the Constitution but no one remembers that.
* Vermont: Farmland and socialists.
* Rhode Island: Boating in the style of 200 years ago, and other things in the style of 200 years ago. Not as small as Delaware, however.
* Massachusetts: History and higher education and cultural arts and forests.
* New Hampshire: (Small-L) libertarians and an Old Man on a Mountain.
* Maine: Something that resembles a cross between New Hampshire and Massachusetts, but with fewer colleges.
Yukon: Who gives a shit
Nunavut: Who gives a shit they're Inuit
BC: Hippies
Alberta: Conservative oil magnates
Saskatchewan: Scum of the earth (YMMV)
Manitoba: Boring shithole
Ontario (i.e. Toronto): Drug dealers/politicians
VIVE LE QUEBEC LIBRE
And Maritimers aren't really people
That's right.
Florida
Southern state that probably contains racism but definitely contains agriculture, namely oranges...but also contains car racing. And space shuttles. And Disney World and Universal Studios and Sea World and Busch Gardens. And non-Cuban Hispanics. And cheaper houses. And New York City's other other 6th borough. And Jews. And old people. And swampland. And alligators. And manatees. And other endangered species. And people who can't count votes. And cultural arts. And Cubans. And Vice City. And beaches and marinas. And waterfront living. And Ernest Hemingway. And Republican gerrymanders. And more beaches. And more old people. And more Cubans. And more non-Cuban Hispanics. And some of the most fucked up politics ever.
And Dave Barry.
Because what Texas has in bastardry, Florida matches in insanity.
Texas is the only state that, before joining the Union, fought a revolution to gain independence; remained an independent nation for over a year; and gained diplomatic recognition from nations other than the United States during this time. And when we say over a year, it remained independent for nine years and eleven months. It and Hawaii are the only state I count as being a "real country" before being a state. (I don't count cases like California, which declared independence after Mexico was already fighting a war with the U.S., and kept its independence for under a month.)
My friend from Massachusetts and I have fun with this kind of talk all the time. He says things like, "We were an independent country too, you know. It was called the United States of America. And you're welcome!"