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Bullshit questions on job applications.
I don't know if people have been having the same perpetual employment woes as me, but I figure I might as well complain about online web questionnaires for a bit.
Oftentimes with applications now you get a full list of questions. Oh, it's not enough to give your legal information and a resume, you have to answer multiple choice questions, oftentime north of a hundred. I guess presumably they're to judge you as a person, but there's nothing these tests can't do that a job interview wouldn't do better and more efficiently.
It gets worse when there are questions asking things like 'do you feel entitled to steal from the company?'. Anyone who would steal wouldn't tell you so, so it's just asking you to tell people what they want to hear.
And on a personal note, staring at the things for too long a time gives me a killer migraine and makes me dizzy. The print is so small and it goes on forever.
Comments
Would you in anger choose to open fire on your colleagues?
A, Yes.
B, No.
C, Only if they eat my dumplings.
If you were fired, what would you do?
A, Attempt to throw you and the fire-er out the window in an attempted murder/suicide.
B, Lock yourself in the bathroom with all the snacks in an attempt to cram as many Ho-Hos down your gullet as you can.
C, Hide in the office during daylight hours and turn the building into your own rent-free playground.
If terrorists take everybody in the building hostage, what would you do?
A, Attempt to hide and take out those terrorists one by one with ingenuity and quick-thinking.
B, Curl up in a corner, whimper, weep, and defecate in your pants.
C, Join with the terrorists, assassinate their leader to take his place, and rule over the building as your own mini-kingdom for whatever little time you have left.
Peat and Repeat were in a boat. Peat jumped out. Who was left?
A. Peat
B. Repeat
C. The person whose name this question is trying to get you to say in order to parse it incorrectly for fun and profit
This mostly only seems to happen when I apply to retail jobs. Professional software applications tend to be one page long and take like 20 minutes, most of which is trying to remember where I saved my resume and tweaking its emphases for the position, then typing a quick cover letter.
Staples though? Mother of God, I was answering the most banal personality quizzes for over an hour. Most of the questions were poorly-worded.
"If a customer is being rude, do you fake politeness?"
No, I don't fake politeness. I would be polite because it's not particularly hard to be genuinely polite even when you want to strangle someone. I don't even know what faking politeness entails. Is it like, littering your conversation with backhanded compliments or something?
But then I click yes because I know it's what they want to hear and I die a little inside.
"Do you think stealing is morally justifiable?" :V
Worse version:
Essentially, just look like a total boyscout as much as you can with these questionaires. If you look like a pushover they can steamroll over, they'll hire you.
Oh I know that, but it's still a timewasting pain in the ass.
Idiot tests.
There was one I saw which asked how many days were in a week, how many hours in a day.
^Yeah I've seen ones like that. Again it's a waste of time because honestly most retail jobs don't demand that level of intelligence.
Also hey Clocky. Long time no see.
Okay, speaking as someone working retail right now, you underestimate how mind-bogglingly stupid people can be.
Oh I'm not saying people can't be that stupid. Just that that level of intelligence isn't needed.
Besides there's a lot of better and more efficient ways to find that intelligence, like talking to a person.
Talking to every applicant is not more efficient than giving an idiot-test that lets you ignore all the applications that fail.
If someone can't correctly give the number of days in the week, then they probably aren't going to be giving their phone number or previous employment correctly either.
It doesn't help that they're not questions any human being would actually ask.
Sometimes they repeat the questions, just to try and throw you off(see if your answer is consistent)