I am Afraid of Death...

TheConductor

No. That’s not right. I’m afraid of the consequences of death, I am afraid of being forgotten and I am afraid of abandoning the people who need me and letting them down. After several suicide attempts in my life and a recent near death experiences and a truly horrific nightmare where I let down someone who means the world to me in a big way, I’ve decided to write this stuff down. Explaining my beliefs in God, morality, love, destiny and soul mates. 

I’m not going to advertise this, I’m going to tag it or post it on Facebook, I’m just writing this down on a public forum in the hopes that should anything happen to me; should I grow week and try to kill myself and end up succeeding or I get hit by a car or something, then at least there will be something written down so that people will understand who I am and what I’m about. 

This is all getting a bit morbid, so I’d like to assure anyone reading this that I am NOT feeling in anyway shape or form suicidal, I have not had thoughts like that in a very, VERY long time. This is just a precaution, just in case. Truth be told I have an amazing life. I live in one of the richest countries in the entire world giving me a whole WORLD of opportunities that many other people simply don’t even conceive of and I never really want for anything. I have the most amazing friends, they are some of the kindest, caring, most understand people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. So rest assured, I am a very happy person. Yes there are things I would like to change, but the things I am happy with far outweigh them.

With that in mind, let’s get started:

God and Religion

I believe in a creator. I believe something deliberately set out to make us. However, unlike most religious people, I don’t pretend I can even fathom the exact nature of such a creature or even race of creatures or…well I think you can see the point I am making.

However, I do believe that most religions have a hint of truth to them, it would explain the constantly overlapping stories. But who were these Gods? Were they, as the stories suggest, the primordial forces that created our world? Were they a race of aliens whose advanced technology was mistaken for magic and miracles? Or were they simply like Jesus, real men and women who had miraculous stories attached to them long after they had died? I can’t say I know for sure, but I do think that they did exist in some form.

Morality (My Code)

I have to elaborate something here for this to make sense. As a child, I was malformed, dis-proportioned and lopsided. I looked something like a young Quasimodo, a gargoyle or even Igor from the old Frankenstein movies. Although now I have since grown into my body so to speak, it was my childhood like this that caused the circumstances that created my moral code. I wouldn’t be the man I am today if I wasn’t the monster I was back then.

Children can be very cruel, and it was because of this that I spent much of my formative years alone, buried in comics. Specifically the early Silver Age comics from Marvel, written by Stan Lee and drawn by Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko. They always featured monsters and freaks like Spider-Man, The Thing, The Incredible Hulk and even the X-Men. Despite their monstrous appearances, these people would go out of their way to help others. 

It can all be summed up with one phrase: “With great power, comes great responsibility”. I am also a socialist, which has greatly influenced a lot of what I think about right and wrong.

It can all be summed up with this simple code:

1) If you have the ability to help someone: Do it.

2) Give all that you can to the world, and take back what you need.

3) Put what is best for others ahead of what it is best for you.

4) Only raise your hands in self defense, or in the defense of someone who cannot defend themselves.

I believe that if everyone where to live by this, then the world would be a much better place to live in!

Love, Marriage and Soul Mates

I think love is the most beautiful, perfect and pure thing in the world. And that goes for love in all it’s forms, be it love between family members or friends, love between a human and their pet or romantic love. Love is just great, and even though it doesn’t always work out how we’d like it to. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t real, or that it wasn’t a good thing. I personally think that feeling any kind of love for someone is a privilege, doubly so if it’s returned.

On the subject of soul mates, I believe that certain people are just “made” for each other. That they are designed specifically to be a part of the other’s life. But unlike other people I don’t think that this connection is necessarily romantic. I think your soul mate is someone you just flat out love, love in it’s purest form. Someone you love more than should be possible. Your soul mate is someone who you are not afraid to show your ugly side to and whose ugly side doesn’t scare you or disgust you. 

Because of this, I don’t see the point of marriage. If you love someone, you should be able to just stay with them without the consent of some magical sky wizard.

Destiny

It’s only recently that I have come to believe in destiny/fate/purpose. Although I believe in free will and that it is our own choice to embrace our destinies, I do believe we have them. I believe that there is a single purpose we were put on this Earth to fulfill. 

I don’t want to go into too much detail, but it was very recently, in one small action that I discovered what I believe I am for and it has brought me a great deal of comfort.

Sex and Drugs

I’m not that a big fan of sex, if I am honest. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had (plenty) of sex, I’ve enjoyed most of it and in general it’s pretty damn good. However, I don’t have a very high sex drive. For example, I recently fell for a woman but I don’t look at her and think “a really want to fuck her” and don’t get me wrong; she’s stunning and (to put it in a vulgar way) “I would”, but I much prefer to look at her and think “What can I do for you? What can I do that will make you happy today?”. So yes, while sex is fun, it’s not a major priority for me.

Casual sex is another thing, because of the reasons I listed above, casual sex isn’t something that I get involved in a lot, though I can see the appeal. The problem with casual sex is that it is so intrinsically connected to love that it can be difficult for some people to separate sex from emotion so it’s certainly something people should be cautious about. Still, I don’t see why our society “shames” people who sleep around…it’s their bodies and they should be allowed to do what they want with them.

As for who should be allowed to have sex? Well I always stand by one simple tenant for this “Whatever happens between two (or more) consenting adults is between them and only them and is not the business of the state”. 

As for drugs, the only “drug” I partake of with any kind of regularity is cannabis. It’s a fucking plant, it’s less dangerous than half of the things that get sold by McDonald’s! I’ve experimented with others, I wont go into too much detail by for the most part I’d say most of them are fine in major moderation.

That’s all I have to say guys, it’s been…interesting to write all this down. Thank you for reading it, if you have.

Schitzo

Seriously, though. You are.

InsanityAddict

>"so I’d like to assure anyone reading this that I am NOT feeling in anyway shape or form suicidal, I have not had thoughts like that in a very, VERY long time."

>failed suicide attempt two weeks ago or so

Yeah, no. Not sure if you're already in therapy or not, but I'd get those mood swings checked out by a professional.

Also,

>cannabis having less health risks than fast food

'S not true, I'm afraid.

Rest of views sounds pretty reasonable.