That ultimately,

Bob · 2011-05-26 15:01:32

You are what you make yourself out to be.

External impressions are irrelevant, but help.

You are what you are, you do what you think to do, but it's what you don't do that defines you.

All that you are is what they think you are, unless their thoughts never come to you.

Your life is all that you make it, nothing more, nothing less, unless you make it something else.

The power lies within you, the motivation runs from you.

Ultimately, is nothing more than your own.

GLORIOUSLeader · 2011-05-26 15:03:26

You know how all those Saturday morning cartoons stressed "being yourself"?

When I went into high school, I decided to lie and become a totally different person, with a radically altered personality. Now I'm far happier than I ever was before that point, and the personality I made up is now my default.

Bob · 2011-05-26 15:04:53

Good. A life created is a life that serves you well.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 16:43:22

So what exactly bugs you about this?

Bob · 2011-05-26 16:43:47

Nothing. Nothing at all. The weakness of the mind preventing us all to realize it, that's all.

Forzare · 2011-05-26 16:43:53

YOU ARE WHO YOU CHOOSE TO BE.

NOW, CHOOSE.

Bob · 2011-05-26 16:44:27

I choose ~~you, Pikachu!~~ me. And that's who I shall be.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 16:45:05

But I do try to solve my problems, and take destiny into my own hands, yadda yadda yadda. It just never, ever works out.

Vorpy · 2011-05-26 16:45:24

"Ultimately, were are all dead men."

IanExMachina · 2011-05-26 16:45:55

^ Well some are dead women.

Bob · 2011-05-26 16:46:53

^^^That's bekause you've made it impossible to work out. You must grab it, Don, hold it firmly in your hands, and tell it "NO! TODAY YOU SHALL WORK! MY WILL BE DONE!"

^I am dead horse.

ninjaclown · 2011-05-26 16:47:48

It's not wrong to change the parts of yourself you don't like to suit you.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 16:49:32

I'm socially awkward. I'm no good at talking to people, and I dread the idea that people laugh at me and think I'm a creepy weirdo.

I try to rectify this by talking to people more, and guess what? I look like a creepy weirdo and dig myself deeper.

Yay.

Bob · 2011-05-26 16:51:34

Don, so many people waste all of their time wondering what other people are thinking of them and how to appeal more to them without coming across as weird or creepy, when it turns out, those other people are too busy thinking the same thing to be able to criticize you. Fear is a natural part of humanity. It is when you conquer that fear that you become more than just the average human.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 16:54:59

So how exactly do I conquer that fear? I never got the memo.

(Another problem with me: I never seem to get the memo that everyone else has been getting)

IanExMachina · 2011-05-26 16:55:50

^^ This, you are more conscious of how you feel you come across to people, when in fact others are less likely to be paying that much attention as they are focused on how they are coming across etc.

It is easier to recognise your own bodily/whatever cues, as you know yourself. Others do not have this.

Bob · 2011-05-26 16:56:45

^^Acknowledge it. Examine it. Figure it why it has such a strong hold on you. Then, challenge it. Question it, contradict it, disprove it. This is easier said than done, but it just requires practice. Talk to a new person each day, go somewhere new, try new foods, expand your comfort zone, do something you're afraid of, a little each day, just to get the hang of it.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 16:58:43

^^ So you're saying that others are less likely to think I'm creepy and weird than I do? I'm not so sure I buy that, especially when certain people start using me as their personal amusement thing.

Bob · 2011-05-26 16:59:36

It's because you let them, Don. You make it so obvious that you think you're creepy that they start thinking so as well. I don't care how stupid this sounds, it's true, at least to me.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 17:02:29

I can't just tell myself that I don't think I'm creepy or weird, I might as well be telling myself that I'm a beautiful milk maid named Tristram who's open to sex with clown shoes.

And by that, I mean I'd be, for all intents and purposes, lying to myself.

Bob · 2011-05-26 17:04:12

Not quite the same. You telling yourself you're creepy, both invites others to do so and, in convincing yourself of this, make it a reality as you're more likely to act as a creep if you believe you are. You can't tell yourself that you're a beautiful milk maid named Tristram and act on that, but you can stop calling yourself creepy.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 17:06:38

I wouldn't be calling myself creepy if people didn't look at me like I'm a serial killer every time I opened my mouth.

Bob · 2011-05-26 17:07:51

-_-

Circular commenting like this isn't going to get anyone anywhere. If you really believe you're destiny is to be creepy, so be it. I apologize.

IanExMachina · 2011-05-26 17:10:54

@DonZabu

From the New Scientist:

"Everybody wonders and worries about how they come across to others, and most of us think we have a pretty good handle on it. But we don't. "People are nowhere near as good at it as they think," says Nicholas Epley, a behavioural scientist at the University of Chicago.

That is not to say we are completely useless. If you think of yourself as generous, for example, other people probably do too. Just not quite to the extent you might like.

From moment to moment, however, we are surprisingly poor at intuiting how we are coming across. This is largely down to something called the "spotlight effect" - the deluded belief that everything you do and say is being closely observed and scrutinised. "Because we're so aware of ourselves it can be easy to think that others are noticing us when they're not," says Epley.

As a result, we blow everything out of proportion. "Say you spill water on yourself so it looks like you peed your pants," says Epley. "You assume everyone is going to notice. But they don't, because the world doesn't really revolve around you." People also assume that their emotional states are broadcast to all and sundry when in fact they are largely invisible.

It also works the other way. If you do or say something you think is especially clever or admirable, you're likely to overestimate the extent to which other people will notice. Most of the time they won't even register because they are too busy tending to their own ego.

The central problem is that you know yourself too well. "You're an expert on yourself," says Epley. "That means you notice all kinds of subtle things about yourself that others simply don't. They see general characteristics."

This is compounded by the fact that we have difficulty guessing what other people are thinking. "We have imperfect tools for getting into their minds," says Epley. "We watch their faces and behaviour and try to get some sense of what they're thinking, but behaviour doesn't always reflect attitudes very well."

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 17:12:57

@Ian: stuff like that has always bothered me, not because of what they're saying (which is probably pretty useful in the long run), but the implication that the people who do this are egotistical, Roger Waters-style.

IanExMachina · 2011-05-26 17:15:16

Well the article mentioned this is stuff everyone does, it makes a point in saying that everyone is to a degree egotistical.

DonZabu · 2011-05-26 18:20:51

@Bob: Surely there's something to be said when at least 80% of your attempts to talk to people end with them going "What?" and laughing nervously.

Aw fuck it. It's like my whole outlook is being thrown on a loop.

Bob · 2011-05-26 18:22:31

First, I'm pretty sure that's an exaggeration. If not, well, uh, wow.

Second, that's only because you've already proven to yourself that you are "creepy" or "awkward". The only thing keeping you from disproving this is you.

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