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Confrontation with some scumbag
So, my friend and I are just sitting at a bench, and he is showing me his new book. I hear someone ask for a light suddenly. Neither of us answer, as we don't even know this scubbo is talking to us. Then he and his girlfriend stops and says "yeah, I'm f**king talking to you" to my friend. Verbally abusive at this point. Calls us "geeks" for reading books, and says there is something wrong with us or something. He says he'll stomp my friend, if only there wasn't a police station there. At this point I butt in, saying he needs to get some manners. He says it has nothing to do with me. Fucking coward, he was threatening my friend that's what. I just smile and stand up, pondering if I should try my luck. He turns to move on, but my friend says "fuck off" behind his back, and he turns around threateningly but moves on when his girlfriend says "it's not worth it". Some nasty people about, truly. You definitely have problems if you have that sort of attitude towards books.
Comments
The best outcome is one where no violence occurs, so all in all, I'd say that situation is a victory.
I think what my friend said was foolish at the very least. Bastards like this are looking for a fight. They want nothing more than to have a reason to smash someone's face in. Sometimes asking for a light is just like asking for a fight.
My, this starts to sound an awful lot like I'm projecting.
On the other hand, that kind of person is just as liable to be cowardly. They like to dominate via the simplest and most direct means, which means that strong resistance disquiets them. The best approach, if moving along isn't possible, is to remain strong and calm in one's position without exacerbating the situation. If they don't feel as if they're intimidating you, they don't feel as if they have fight initiative and will be less than eager to engage.
A fair amount of street combat is giving off misleading biomechanical signals, although that's difficult. I find such confrontations intimidating despite knowing a decent handful of ways to kill with my bare hands -- it's not as if, in a truly desperate and mortal confrontation, I couldn't push through to victory. But that has no bearing on it. Psychology is a completely different ballgame, but it's just as important, if not moreso, than proper martial technique.
Here's a further tip. Most people have a particular threshold of violence, after which they are no longer willing to engage. An SAS buddy of mine advised me, if outnumbered, to pick out the weakest and smallest of my adversaries, break something important and then retreat a small distance to see if any of the others are still willing to fight. Since he informed me of that tactic, I've not had the need to try it, mercifully, but it's something to keep in mind.
Safety is a pretty important thing, so my favourite strategy is not to fight. But if someone forces a physical confrontation, then I consider them to have crossed a very clear and significant line, and I wouldn't blame anyone for fighting to the best of their ability once that line is crossed.
^ That's another thing. I've had ridiculously extensive vengeance fantasies after falling victim to violence, and often it's taken days or weeks to get over the burst of adrenaline even thinking of the situation brings up. Being in a real, immediate fight clarifies deeply the philosophies often associated with martial arts. Those philosophies, to my mind, are generally "stoppers". They aim to prevent the martial art from being misused.
Hmm, that's true. I'll bear that in mind. Half of it is psychology. They want provocation or weakness. I tried to smile my way out of it. I don't know if that helped, as often psychopaths have no reaction to positive emotional signals, except perhaps confusion.
Still, without ignoring what you've said, it can't hurt to be prepared for next time. If worst comes to worst, I need to make sure I know how to handle it should it get violent... if it just means being able to disable them with a kick to the balls and then running away, or being able to stand a sudden crack on the jaw without being incapacitated and unable to retaliate.
A part of the reason psychology is important is that it does have a bearing on how you implement martial technique (if even that's as simple as "foot --> groin"). There are two barriers to break psychologically in order to fight properly:
- Fear
- Gentleness
Most people are intimidated by physical confrontation and are generally unwilling to harm another human being directly. This is natural, but both factors will work against you. You must accept that you might get hurt, and you must harden your feelings against compassion, if only for a few minutes. If you can do both those things, you can fight with relatively small constraint and use both instinctive and learned techniques to their fullest capacity.
Makes sense. I could feel my desire to set the score right conflicting with my fear, not so much of hurting the guy, but being badly hurt myself
There are two factors which make me quite worried. a) the possibility of losing and ending up in intensive care or a coffin... or b) the possibility of being arrested.
I've been told that if I could just keep my anger under control I could probably use it to at least scare somebody into ending a fight, but with how I am I act in a manner that a person with their head on their shoulders could easily shut down
Just wanted to point that out as emotion wasn't really mentioned
A lot of people think that the average victim of violence is a pensioner being mugged for their money, but in fact you're most at risk of violence if you're young and male (and, to be fair, most likely to perpetrate it).
I just try and walk around any trouble if I can. I tend to be a bit paranoid about it, actually, but that's living in London for you. A guy I once worked with was at the local bus station after midnight one New Year when some guys accused him of looking at one of their girlfriends. He ended up with a fractured skull. Fortunately, he recovered.
So my advice is not to hang around public transport late at night, and if someone starts the old "are you looking at my bird?" thing, run.
^ This is probably reasonable advice practically. If you read the book Donnie Brasco, about an FBI agent who infiltrated the Mafia, "Donnie" actually once found himself getting into an argument with a "wiseguy" in a bar over a spilt drink, and just punched him out before the guy could start a fight.
Legally, it has its risks though. You've got to be able to show you were acting in self-defence, which is harder if you hit first.
With that in mind, it pays to heed your location and "audience" as it were, defining audience as both onlookers and your adversary. If you're in an area with cameras, a good idea is to use open-handed strikes, as you can reasonably claim you were trying to push your adversary away. Many of the people who want to begin fights, however, will go out of their way to choose "safe" locations. Use that to your advantage if you must.
If your adversary is of the grungier sort, then they'll be unlikely to resort to the police to get back at you, and even less likely to receive serious help.
@Ica: Perhaps. The thing is that most of these people aren't happy with the first hit. They'll want the first three, four, five or dozen hits. I can't blame them, because abusing the initiative one gains in a fight is a sound martial practice. Likewise, you don't want the first hit to stand alone; you want the first hit so it opens up potential for further attacks.
Keep in mind that for them, "safe" places to begin fights open up drastically at night. There being cameras around is unlikely to deter them, although having other people about will.
On the other hand, the actual fight happened outside a station.
When the fuck did this happen because I could have SWORN you were older?
Just my two cents.