My neighbor is a douche

wannabeotaking

Now, normally I tend to be a pretty alright guy. If you bug me, I'll keep away and try to maintain a sort of civil conduct. This usually even applies to school where I might be forced to sit in a class with people who show me little respect (back in high school not so much college). But now I have a bit of am issue that just plain frustrates me.

You see, I dorm in college and have a neighbor who embodies quite a bit of things that bug me, most egregiously, giving me the overwhelming sense that he looks down on me and generally showing me little respect, something that is something of a berserk button to me. Now normally, I would simply make my snarky comments leave it at that, but my friends hang out with his roommate, and to a certain extent, the aforementioned neighbor, making it damn near impossible to avoid him. What's worse, things seem to be degrading to a point where a fight seems inevitable.
I don't wanna cause drama for my group of friends, but I will not tolerate any disrespect towards me, so I'm in a bit of a weird place. I feel like just giving up if only just so that there's peace (not that the group is in jeopardy because of our clashes, I just don't want it to get to that point). So what do ijbm?

InsanityAddict

What does he do, exactly? If you have a history of bullying, it might be that you construct his behaviour into something actively malicious rather than passively malicious(doesn't excuse his behaviour, but does open up the possibility of talking to him about it)? And have you spoken to your friends about this issue? If they handwave his behaviour, they may not be the type of bro you wanna hang out with.

captainbrass

I think you have to be sure that things are as they say they are first. Are you sure he's looking down on you or are you just reading too much into things he's said/done? You say you won't tolerate disrespect from anyone, but what do you define disrespect as? It might be worth asking a third person whether they've noticed this

If you're sure, then you could try making it clear to your friends that you aren't prepared to hang around with him any more, although that carries the risk that you get excluded from certain social events. You could also tell him to stop doing whatever it is that annoys you, although if he really does dislike you he might see that as mission accomplished.

wannabeotaking

I dunno, maybe a lot of what I'm seeing as slights against me are, in fact, just perceived, but my group of friends is one that indulges in good-natured ribbing. Any time my neighbor says stuff, I can't help but feel like he's really trying to hurt us. Which kinda brings me back to the original tirade.

Waltzy

Perhaps both sides are partaking in the good-natured ribbing, and one or both of them is misconstruing it?

InsanityAddict

Could be social cluelessness on his part, then. Timing, tone and content are all important in this sort of thing. If he's less familiar than the others, he might think himself as being part of the people that is allowed to make that sort of joke too early.