Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
If you have an email ending in @hotmail.com, @live.com or @outlook.com (or any other Microsoft-related domain), please consider changing it to another email provider; Microsoft decided to instantly block the server's IP, so emails can't be sent to these addresses.
If you use an @yahoo.com email or any related Yahoo services, they have blocked us also due to "user complaints"
-UE
If you use an @yahoo.com email or any related Yahoo services, they have blocked us also due to "user complaints"
-UE
Icalasari Liveblogs The Matrix!
I figure this will be the only way I can get my thoughts out and organized while keeping in mind what Karl Marx and Sigmund Freud would think of it
I'll be starting it up soon (10-20 minutes). This will be the first time I ever watched it so yeah, enjoy the commentary
And no, I will not be doing the sequels. They are not part of the project and it is due at 8:30 in the morning so I don't have time to fuck around with them
Maybe after the project
I'll be starting it up soon (10-20 minutes). This will be the first time I ever watched it so yeah, enjoy the commentary
And no, I will not be doing the sequels. They are not part of the project and it is due at 8:30 in the morning so I don't have time to fuck around with them
Maybe after the project
Comments
Ooh, glowy green numbers...
GAH DON'T EAT ME WIRES! ;.;
...Hey, you're all officers!
The woman looks stooooooned
And now guys in sunglasses at night. What the...
The woman kills two men?
HOLY CRAP NINJA FIGHT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GRAVITY DEFY WALL WALKING HOLY BLEEP!
...Just... What the hell did I just see?
And not even 4 minutes in yet!
RUN RUN RUN YAY!
KEEP RUNNING! YOU'LL BREAK THE TRACK RECORD!
Hey! Guns are cheating in this track and field event you silly agents! I don't think Marx would approve of cheating >
YAY! SHE DID THE LONG JUMP! THROUGH A WINDOW!
A phone booth? Is she really Superwoman?
HURRY SUPERWOMAN!
Aww, slammed by a truck...
Yay Superwoman is faster than light apparently! Now off to Metropolis!
Silly person is napping at the computer. Silly person, you nap in a BED!
Is the computer talking? Hey, don't tell sleepy head to wake up!
Oh great now you woke him up. I hope you're happy >
White rabbit?
"Knock knock Neo"
WHO'S THERE!?
BOOK FULL OF TINY DISCS!
Oh, THAT'S what costs the money!
This guy seems like a douche >
Hey, a white rabbit!
And a club... Why a club? Damn I wish I head earphones right now...
CREEPY STALKER CHICK NAMED TRINITY! GET AWAY TRINITY! YOU ARE A CREEPY HACKER STALKER!
;.; She is REALLY creepy! Stop knowing stuff!
I'm already bored. Where is ninja girl again? I miss her =/
Threatened with firing? :< Mean boss is mean
Who's Thomas Anderson? Isn't this guy called Neo? I'm confused ;.;
Hey a cell phone!
Morpheus is also a stalker. Go away stalkers. You are creepy stalkers
AGENTS! THEY ARE AFTER NEO!
Morpheus isn't a stalker... He's God. He knows everything
Everything. And he talks through a cell phone
GOGOGOGOGOGOOOOOOO! BEFORE THE POLICE KILL YOU!
YAY HE MADE IT!
He knows this because he is GOD, Neo. You silly person
NO GOD! DON'T HANG UP! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE AFTER LIFE IS LIKE! GOOOOOOD! ;.;
Neo is a jumper. He just doesn't know it yet
Go on, you know you wanna jump~
It won't hurt, I promise~
That cellphone won't break~
Aww, he didn't jump. You'll realize your dreams of going splat one day
Going to take a moment to comment on what Marx would think so far, and that would be, "What the fuck am I watching?"
...Well I think he'd be saying that
...Alright fine. From what I know of the movie through mentions made by people in real life and the internet, I'd say that he'd be commenting about how it would mimic the eventual rise of the lower class against the higher class (higher class being machines, lower class being batteries)
...Although really, I think the ones sparking the war are the higher class due to the fact that they can leap fucking BUILDINGS, RUN ON WALLS, AND DODGE BULLETS. Just... Holy fuck I'd better not fall asleep this movie is too damn interesting!
Now back to your regularly scheduled failure at comedy from me
Hmm... There seems to be another parallel. Hackers could also be seen as rising up against the higher class (freedom of information)
AGENTS NEED HIS HELP!? RUN! IT'S A TRAP!
No, these agents cannot catch Morpheus. He's God. Catching God is silly
Finger deal is good deal
HIS MOUTH IS MELTED! WHAT THE FUCK!? THE FUCK THE FUCK THE FUCK!?
WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING!?
GET OUT OF THERE BUGGY! THAT IS NOT GOOD PLACE!
Oh dear lord he was dreaming... Or was he?
And then the phone rings
What the? Two hour movie!? Dear lord...
Neo is THE ONE!
God wants him... Neo is CLEARLY Jesus
Careful Jesus, you'll get a cold in that rain
OH GOD IS THAT NINJA CHICK!? WATCH OUT NEO JESUS!
Ooh, I get to see his chest
Well this is a crappy topless scene. I wanted to see-OH GOD IT'S MOVING! HIS STOMACH AND WHAT THE FUCK
I just realised:
You saw Inception before you saw The Matrix.
I'm confused ;.;
I am of the opinion Karl Marx would say, "The hell am I watching?"
Of course Morpheus knows more than Neo could imagine. Morpheus is God!
Is this leading to the red pill blue pill scene? I sure hope so!
He's not Alice, he's Neo/Jesus!
He can feel it? 'I've got this feeeeeelin~'
The matrix is a matrix, silly!
No God, that isn't the matrix. That's the universe. U-NI-VERSE
Neo is a slave? Karl Marx would have a lot to say about this
~~~~~
Small break
I'm updating what I think Karl Marx would think. Everyone is a slave (to the machines I presume). So they are going to rise up, correct?
...Ok yeah I have nothing. This was a stupid pause. This paper will be crap
=/ I hope it gets easier as the film goes on, else I'm going to have to bullshit quite a paper
I should have picked Fight Club. I really, really should have
Oh god Morpheus is going to drug him. RUN NEO! HE WANTS TO RAPE YOU! THE RED PILL IS SURPRISE SEX! RUN!
Nope, too late. He took it. Prepare thine anus for Godly Anal Rape
Oh, and he's going to be zapped with an electric chair
Kansas is going bye bye? Oh dear god they're going to nuke Kansas too!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD GOD! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Holy self healing mirror!
LIQUID MIRROR!
MY FUCK! MY FUCK MY FUCK MY FUCK! THE MIRROR IS EATING HIM! THE FUCK THE FUCK THE FUCK!
HE'S DYING! IN A MIRROR! AND IS GETTING AUTOTUNED!
AND HE IS BREAKING OUT OF GOOPY GEL AND IS A NUDE BALD MAN! WITH WIRES ALL OVER HIM!
I wanna go back into the matrix. It's less scary ;.;
SPIDER ROBOT THING! OH GOD WHY!
IT WANTS TO KEEL HIM!
OH GOD THE WIRES ARE COMING OUT AND HE'S BEING FLUSHED DOWN THE DRAIN!
OH GOD DID I TAKE DRUGS!? I THINK I TOOK DRUGS BEFORE WATCHING THIS! JESUS! RUN JESUS RUN! OH GOD NOW THERE'S A GIANT CLAW! HE'S IN A CLAW MACHINE!
WRYYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh hey, it's God
OH GOD NEEDLES NEEDLES EVERYWHERE!
Hey wait a minute. If your muscles atrophy in that goop, then how did the first people to wake up live long enough to develop a fix?
You know, the worst part is that I didn't get to see any crotch shots
None at all
Not. A. Single. One
2199? So this is the FUUUUUUUUUUUUTURE!?
Where is fucking Marty and Doc Brown when you need them? They'd fix all this!
The core? Pirate signal? Hack into the Matrix?
NINJA CHICK!
Apoc? Switch? Cipher? Mouser?
Tank? Dozer? The fuck are these names?
Where is he now? Oh God God broke the universe
Wait, loading program? ...Anything can be loaded?
...Fuck yeah!
I want this to be real!
The Matrix - Where everything is real if you go by a certain definition of real
...The real world sucks too
Fuck why can't we just live in the loading program?
Man kind was together? HAH! This is fake!
BABY! ...That is plugged in... What?
Humans... Grown...
Mmm mmm, one hundred percent natural human!
LIQUEFY DEAD TO FEED BABIES!? WE'RE ALL CANNIBALS! CANNIBALS I SAY! CANN. IB. ALS!
We are all batteries
...God has a crooked smile
Eww, he vomited
I'd want to live in the loading program
Wait... God is not God, but Neo is? I'm confussed (Yes confussed. You have a problem with that?)
Neo sounds like Christian Bale for some reason (that IS the Dark Knight Trilogy Batman, right?)
Tank is 100% Good Old Fashioned
AmericanHumanDid Neo just have knowledge downloaded into his brain?
DRUNKEN BOXING! YES!
I'd have magnets downloaded into my head. So that I could say how magnets fucking worked
NEO IS NOW NINJA GOD JESUS MAN!
CROTCH PUNCH!
OOF! RIGHT IN THE GUT!
You beat Neo by being kick ass, of course!
Jump program? OH GOD! I WAS RIGHT! NEO IS A JUMPER!
Come on, end it all Neo. End it all now
Bouncy cement? The fuck? He was supposed to go splat! SPLAT! SPLAAAAAAAAAAAT!
...My girlfriend could be possessed by a guy mid sex?
...That seems unpleasant. Penis fusion
"What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?" O U!
Trouble? In the real world?
A killing machine? God the real world sucks =/
Wait, do the robots give us a heaven? I hope so
EMP? Nice!
The squiddy are freaky. HEY! PSEUDORHYME!
The blue pill is a date rape drug. As is the red one. But the blue one doesn't let you access the loading program
Oh great the guy is a double agent
The breakfast looks naaaasty
A digital pimp? Nice
FINALLY excitement!
Leather. Everybody in leather
Why leather? Oh wait not all in leather. My mistake
All these poor people :< All of them are hiding a killer agent inside
Is the Matrix the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide no escape from reality~
...Wait, no, they did escape from reality. So nevermind
The oracle is a psychic?
PSYCHIC CHILDREN! HOLY CROh right the Matrix. Not real life
She sounds like Confucious. "There is no spoon. You'll see that the spoon does not bend, but it is yourself that bends"
BINGO WAS HIS NAMEO!
The Oracle reminds me of Aunt Jemima for some reason
SHE KNEW BECAUSE SHE'S A PSYCHIC! DUMBASS!
I think the Oracle is hitting on him
Neo isn't the One? But I thought that was the point of this movie! ...Wait... NEO GET OUT OF THERE NOW SHE'S AN AGENT! RUN RUN RUN!
Yep, sounds completely right!
The cookie is poison! Don't eat it you dolt!
Aaaaaand he eats it. Moron
So Neo believes he has to die to save Morpheus. I knew it. He is a jumped at heart
Oh god the Matrix changed!
MACHINE GUNS!
Nuuuuu the guy is dead! Poor guy ;.;
Agents all over the place. Hey wait a minute, why not change all the cops into agents? ...Or change the air to acid? Or something! GOD these machines are STUPID!
Nice job double agent! Fake cougHOLY CRAP AN AGENT POSSESSED THE THE COP AND HOLY FUCK SHIT!
Agent Smith is losing braincells by headbutting
NO HE'S KILLING GOD!
Come on God you can do it! You caOuch. That had to hurt
...Uh... God? ...God? Gooooood?
Operator Operator!
Oh good he's alive! God is not dead yet!
They are trapped in the Matrix! Oh god no!
...Oh god the guy is a creeper who is going to rape her. HE'S GOING TO RAPE TRINITY!
...Oh wait. Never mind. Thank god
You know, I wonder why goatees are always evil?
Not like this? :< Cipher is a prick. A big prick :<
Hah! Cipher is dead! Take that asshole!
Ouch. I hope the lightning cauterized that wound :<
Humans want a miserable world? That... That sucks
They're hacking God's mind? BUT THERE ARE THINGS MACHINE WAS NOT MEANT TO KNOW!
Bye bye Go-Huh? NeoJesus, what are you doing?
Ah, he's given up on jumping. He sees that the way to die is to fight agents
Blah blah Agent talking blah blah bullshit about humans aren't mammals because equilibrium blah blah humans are viruses blah blah I'm mocking Juan blah blah
The agent hates the Matrix? Huh. Thought a machine couldn't hate it
FUCK YEAH BREAK IN TIME!
MASSACRE!
PREPARE TO DIE PEONS!
Oh come on ninja girl, was a wall walk really necessary right then and there?
BEHIND YOU GUOh too late
I guess these guys have been... *sunglasses* Ninja'd
FLYING JUMP KICK IN THE FACE!
They could have done more damage. I don't think they chewed up the building enough
You know, I wonder why the trenchcoats? Those can't be handy in a fight at all
Wait, is THIS where the image of a bad ass being someone who wears a trenchcoat came from!? DAMMIT I HAVE TO HATE THE MATRIX NOOoh fireball in slow motion! 8D
Oh god, Agent Possession
BOSS FIGHT!
BULLET TIME! Style points: 500. -20 for getting grazed
BOOM, HEADSHOT!
Enough bullets for yeah, Neo?
Oh FINALLY he hits them!
BUNGEE JUMP! YAAAAAAY!
...A handgun brought down a helicoptor? What kind of bullshit construction went into that thing?
And I STILL don't know what Karl Marx would think of this!
...Or Sigmund Freud! I mean, come on, this makes no sense!
It's awesome, but still!
NICE EXPLOSION SHOT! I liked the part where the building went boom!
Oh, so the Oracle lied on purpose. Alright then. So she isn't an agent who poisoned a cookie in an attempt to kill Neo. Understood
HOBO IS GOING TO TURN AGENT! HOBO AGENT ALERT! HOBO AGENT ALERT!
ANSWER THE GOD DAMN PHONE!
OH GOD HOBO AGENT! HOBO AGENT! HOBO AGENT!
NEO VERSUS HOBO AGENT! ROUND ONE! FIGHT!
Out of ammo huh? Fist fight!
I hope Neo saved before this fight. It seems like a BITCH!
OH GOD NEO IS A BENDENo wait... That must be in a sequel...
NEO! YOU NEED TO HIM IN THE WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!
You know, my brother got killed by a train. But I don't think he was the One
And Neo won! Guess he didn't have to save after all!
Uh oh! Everybody to your battle stations!
The movie is almost done, huh? I guess this is why it needed sequels. Even though I've heard they suck
I wonder if they really do suck...
OH GOD EVEN GRANNIES CAN BECOME KILLER AGENTS!?
But can they bake cookies like gramma used to make?
For bots those agents sure do have crap aim...
HULL BREACH! OH NO!
HURRY NEO HURRY!
What? Neo... Dead?
No... :< YOU CAN'T END THE MOVIE LIKE THIS! NO!
HE'S THE ONE BITCHES! HE. IS. THE. ONE!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Is 12 minutes enough for him to come back? WE'LL SOON FIND OUT!
Also >
REVERSE BULLETS! ...Or just stop them... That works too
I think Neo has won this boss fight
YAY TRIUMPHANT MUSIC!
Neo can possess Agents now?
God this looks weird...
SHELL CRACKING!
RUN AGENTS RUN!
BZZZZZZZZZ LASER CUTTING! BZZZ EVERYBODY GO DIE DIE NOW!
Well, I don't think that ship is flight worthy any longer
Is Neojesusgodninjaguy talking to me?
And now it's credits time!
And now it is time to write my paHE JUST FUCKING FLEW!
Ok, NOW it's credits time!
And I end this liveblog with the following:
~~~~~
So, for my first blind liveblog, how did I do?
^ >.< Image caps would have been a good idea in restrospect