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Comments
Can I interpret your 'adapting' as keeping certain aspects of yourself under wraps for functional purposes? Because I do hang out with people(can't really avoid them) who know I loathe every fiber of their personality, and I voice it in a way that inevitably filters through to them through mutual friends. Vice versa, it's the same. We act polite towards each other, but that's it.
The little monkeysphere could be something like your closest friends. People whom you go to in order to vent and mock others, knowing that they share most of your ideas. It's a bad coping mechanism, but if you don't desire to change those aspects of yourself because you do not find it necessary, is it equal to the much-reviled hugbox mentality on the internets?
Good thing then that most of this sort of pie-in-the-sky navel-gazing is heavily dependent on mood, selective memory and recent experiences. Ask me again in a week and I'll probably sophistize a whole different story.
^You can add mutual friends/flings of friends to the list of obligations. And, no, it is eventually necessary to try to wrinkle that aspect out, but it's at the bottom of a list of more practical skills.
Same frat, same committee. They're emo, I'm low on empathy and patience(in short, a bit of a douchebag). Much as I'd rather not have to deal with them fussing over small stuff, we still function as a whole and I'm not giving up the privilege of cleaning up vomit after parties.
Ouch, I needed that. As for the cleaning-up part, that's not so much me putting up with bullshit as well as part of the committee's task. We fine the vomiters, of course, but that doesn't change they're not sober enough to mop it up themselves.
Anyway, shall we take this to PMs since it sounds personal-attacky and I hate to have this discussion locked?
This derail is fussy and useless, so I'll clarify. The example in question confuses the fact that I put up with people I despise because I'm in the same committee as them(which eliminates at least a bit of the voluntary part-the pros of organizing stuff outweigh the cons of the emo spells of some of its members and the nastier parts of the clean-up) with hanging out with people I despise just to have something to talk about behind their backs, and the vomit part is entirely unrelated(the frat gets plenty of freshers who are getting to grips with their drinking, most of the clean-up of vomit takes place in the toilet area anyway and this is unrelated to the issue at hand).
Anyhow, not to go meta again, but this is an example of why in my experience netizens are much better off with a dopeslap and a succinct summary of what their issue is(which is in my opinion armchair psychology under another name), than with careful advice and a supplement of virtual hugs. It is much easier to avert self-justifying(do tell me if I'm doing this now, but don't use it to dismiss everything I post from this point on out of hand based on it) nonsense, and it either forces the person to face facts(provided they don't immediately turn it into a smug-asshole-whatcha-gonna-do-about-it routine, or worse, a yes-I-agree-with-everything-I'm-a-terrible-person flip-flop) or blow up to such proportions that they abandon the forum.
Because in all honesty, this dopeslap is going to be relativized with the same situation/context/etc.-notion that has been employed as a counter against my generalizations. It isn't the single defining feature of how I act in social situations(for seconds, we also have wordy sophistry), depends on mood which depends on sleep patterns and homeworkload, blablabla. And why-don't-you-work-on-changing-yourself? Such a thing will happen anyway, and as arrested as I am, I've gradually grown out of different brands of bullshit(woe-is-me emoness, blind activism, victimblaming bullying-though the attitude displayed here is still an offshoot of the latter) gradually instead of epiphany/confrontation-based, so I have fair reason to assume that it won't be any different now either.
Tl;DR Fuck, I love talking about myself. Now I see why certain other users constantly try to make threads go about them instead of the topic.
I dunno man, some of the internet people you get don't need armchair psychology so much as they need a good doxxing and a group of nearby volunteers to give them some 'percussive' therapy/lolinternettoughguy
More seriously, I'd agree with armchair psychology more if practitioners weren't 1. usually riding high on wiki binging and an overestimation of their own abilities and 2. not actually concerned with the other person's problems and more with how their lifestyle and worldview isn't what the e-doc shares, and therefore must be destroyed.
I think perhaps I have more of a heart than the average internet user, even around here, so I'm kinda soft toward people. That and I want to make sure that everything is done by the book as much as possible so as to minimize drama and hard feelings when we do have to ban or otherwise use mod actions on people. I do sometimes openly say I'm sorry about a ban, but it had to be done, because the behavior was inexcusable.
It's all situational, really."
True. I personally tend to hate comforting attempts without advice most of the time, but I know that sometimes, they do help feel people feel better and thus more capable of dealing with their situation. It's just that I find things like [*hugs*] so generic that they almost seem insincere. I'd think that it would be much more meaningful if the advice or comfort took into account the person and their situation, since nothing says "I care" than showing that you actually listened.
Also, I take issue to people give sympathy to obvious attention whores, which is why I've been led to view it with such scrutiny. I am baffled when people don't realize that the person is simply feeding off their words without actually doing anything about their situation, again, and again, and again, each time more comfortable that they will be validated in their unproductive whining and narcissism.