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every David Wong article in a nutshell

MoeDantesMoeDantes
edited 2011-09-16 02:30:02 in Webspace
no longer cuddly, but still Edmond
"Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah I hate video games wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah since I think like this you must think like this too wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah also boobies because I'm a hopeless virgin."

Comments

  • ClockworkUniverseClockworkUniverse
    edited 2011-09-16 02:34:19
    OOOooooOoOoOOoo, I'm a ghoOooOooOOOost!
    Yeah...

    It's weird, because every time I see one of his articles, I think "did this guy actually write John Dies at the End?"

    Yes, I'll admit that JDatE has its flaws, but it's a hell of a lot better than any of the articles he's written.
  • MadassAlexMadassAlex
    One foot in front of the other, every day.
    Not to mention much more positive and fun.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    I'm starting to think he's a hipster parody of internet cynicism.
  • SchitzoSchitzo
    They're somethin' else.
    I can't believe I held on to his every word like it was some great gospel to life one or two years ago. Man I'm embarrassed.

    Though I still find the Monkeysphere article to have at least some ounce of readability.
  • ninjaclownninjaclown
    edited 2011-09-16 03:53:44
    I hated his latest tirade on video games. Sure he's explaining why he may feel too old, but he's also ridiculing why you don't agree with him. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I can't stand his articles anymore, they're no fun.

    I feel like John Cheese saved it from being a total turd by adding that sentence at the end, which you can tell was his because it completely clashed with the rest of the article.
  • ForzareForzare
    edited 2011-09-16 03:31:30
    Till shade is gone, till water is gone, into the Shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with the last breath, to spit in Sightblinder’s eye on the last Day.
    John Cheese is probably my second favorite Cracked writer.  Brockway is the best.

    I can't stand Wong.
  • MoeDantesMoeDantes
    no longer cuddly, but still Edmond
    Yeah, that's the article that inspired this actually. He talks about things that only apply to him and makes it sound like its universal. "As you get older, you lose your imagination," which explains why nobody writes novels after they hit 30. "You want games to be shorter because you don't have as much time," because we all have busy jobs, kids, wives, and absolutely zero time-management skills. Considering I don't really think Wong is married or has kids at all, likely he's just got a shorter attention span nowadays.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    I can't read Cracked for shit these days, and I kinda wish it wasn't so popular. when you get down to it, it's still repeating the same cycle of articles all over again.

    The only salvageable thing from there is Daniel Goddamn O'Brien, really. And Brockway, too. Haven't read Cheese.
  • DarkDecapodianDarkDecapodian
    Clean your room little Billy

    J. P. Godek needs to write another self-help book for Seanbaby to go apeshit on. Those articles are always fun.

  • SchitzoSchitzo
    They're somethin' else.
    Cracked is actually pretty formulaic when you think about it:

    *Unusually patterned profanity
    *Gratuitous boobs for its own sake
    *some inane joke about Lovecraftian superbeings or D&D or some shit
    *random screenshots of cult classic movies, or out of context video games
    * More eldritch breasts for the shitcock of it.
  • LegionnaireLegionnaire
    John Cheese is probably my second favorite Cracked writer.  Brockway is the best.

    I can't stand Wong.

  • MalkavianMalkavian
    MORONS! I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!
    Holy crap I'm agreeing with Dantes.

    Also, why did you people make me think John Cleese was working for Cracked? D=<
  • SchitzoSchitzo
    They're somethin' else.
    About that article that more or less says Lets See You Do Better, I'd like to, but I think the only way my stuff would ever get read is if I inserted boobs and Lovecraftian dick jokes for at least 3 Items a list.
  • MalkavianMalkavian
    MORONS! I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY PAYROLL!
    Getting more readers=/= better.
  • SchitzoSchitzo
    They're somethin' else.
    So you could actually get paid for writing stuff for them?
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    OK, so I'm reading the article.

    I actually agree with 5. I wish you could moderate online gaming somehow, but apart from kicking, which is done via voting (Which is easily biased and swayed by such things as skill and team number), there's not much you can do.

    However, I really dislike his wording. For the love of God, we get it, there are assholes who use the internet. Who da thunk it?

    4 is...well, truth be told, very stupid. Yes, I sometimes would like games to be shorter, but guess what? You can save your game. It's not like you have to actually restart all the time. It may be a more fractured experience, but it works, in my findings.

    3...oh fuck this is a new level of dumb. It's goddamn subjective, and yes, you get acclimated to horror, big motherfucking surprise. But guess what? You can still be scared by a game, and you can still get immersed. That doesn't change with age. That changes with experience.

    And it bears mentioning that not all immersion involves you going "ZOMG THINGS ARE HAPPENING TO ME BECAUSE I'M THE CHARACTER"

    Before going on to 2, I should mention that this.

    I often am surprised to find games I had been anticipating suddenly show up on the shelf.

    Is a rather chilling description of what is happening to me these days when it comes to the industry, but I believe that part of it is because these days I'm mostly relying WoM to check things out, rather than newspapers and journalism.

    Anyway.I...don't quite understand this complaint. Is he saying that the industry has always been unoriginal except for a few games and that nostalgia doesn't let you see it or something?

    Because if so, I kinda agree. 

    And yeah, you play less games, it means you have high standards for them. Nothing unreasonable about it. The same goes to movies and series, really. You should at least demand for a game to be liked by you (Don't give a fuck about grammar right now, shaddap)

    As for one...eh, not gonna bother. 
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