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Thirty H's
"It wasn't really a book, because the pages were made of lasers and the words were made of headless women making godless love to dragons made out of motorcycles, but it was still reading."
This is quite possibly the most fucking amazing sentence humanity has ever crafted.
Comments
No mortal could make this.
I'm not joking.
I seriously believe a God created this.
This will never happen ;_;
NOTHING ELSE THAN A GOD CREATED THIS
Actually I was joking (how the hell did you actually fall for that)>Crowd is asked to gather outside
>Everyone is waiting
>rumbling in the distance, helicopters
>a crescendo of orchestral music fills the city
>Four Mi-26 helicopters emerge over the horizon, all carrying an enormous object
>music picks up, flight of the Valkyries can be heard
>Gabe now clear seen under the choppers, is singing the song
>DUN DUN-DA DUN DUN, DUN DUN-DA DUN DUN
>Crowd starts losing their minds
>Gabe is directly over the crowd
>Sweat is raining down on them
>" I AM VERY PROUD TO ANNOUNCE"
>A man runs quickly through the crowd
>"THE GAME YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR"
>The crowd falls silent, Gabe takes out a massive hotdog and stick it in his ass
>"LEFT FOR DEAD THREEEEEE"
>The crowd screams
>Gabe's ass is slowly slurping the hot dog inside him
>The man running through the crowd reveals himself, he is a Vietcong
>Fires an RPG at one of the helicopters, destroys the cable mount
>Other 3 choppers can't hold up Gabe and the hotdog,their engines start to smoke
>Three loud bangs are heard, the cables support Gabe snap
>Gabe's ass finished devouring the hot dog as he plummets towards the crowd
>There is no escape
>Gabe hits the ground with the force of a 500 kiloton nuclear warhead
>A fissure opens up in the earths crust, running completely around the planet
>The resulting stress causes the earth to fracture in half
>One half of the earth is sent into the sun
>The other is doomed to wander the cold darkness for all eternity
>Millions of years later, an alien race discovers the remains of the E3 event
>They discover the frozen remains of a very large creature
>As one exploration team enters the creatures mouth, it's jaws snap shut
>The creature begins farting violently, shaking years of ice from itself
>Slowly it begins to move
An ancient obesity
>Gabe's eyes fly open
Has Awakened
I was too lazy to make a(n Amadeus) Salieri sockpuppet.
@Chagen: You judge.
He's not as fat as /v/ describes,because it would be,you know,physically impossible
I know, but if people are making fun of his fatness, then clearly he must be pretty damn fat.
>The audience is mostly silent, but there are a few murmurs of anticipation for the coming punchline..
...Hey Sheldon
>The audience starts to crack, a few nervous chuckles are heard
I've made a flowchart showing the algorithm for
ordering food from a Chinese restaurant. Would you like to see it?
>The
audience loses control and bursts out in full riotous laughter. A few
lose control of their bodily functions, flinging saliva and mucus around
the room.
...I'd rather not.
>The
audience bursts out, some visibly rolling in the aisles. The laughter
reaches the audible level of a Judas Priest concert, but ultimately
nothing out of the ordinary occurs in the studio. But at that moment,
somewhere in the night, a child is born in an inner-city hospital. A
child born of the concentrated cacophony of the studio audience, his
dark birth kiIIing his mother and ushering in a new age, a dark age. An
age of suffering for the entirety of humanity.
>The audience chuckles nervously
"No, Harry Potter is for children. I prefer realistic and dramatic films, such as Star Wars."
>The audience laughs heartily
"Luke, I am your father!"
>The
audience begins laughing so hard they burst into flame and their lungs
explode. They start pissing themselves from laughter, which fails to put
out the flames but makes everything smell like burnt hair and urine. An
older gentleman has a heart attack and dies on the floor, burning and
covered in piss. The earth trembles below the studio, opening a gaping
crack into the underbelly of the earth. Several members of the audience
are dragged into the blackness, laughing so hard blood spills from their
mouths as they descend into the molten core of the earth, smashing into
the rock as they fall. The continued laughter echoes off the rock,
causing the largest known earthquake in history, crippling the
powergrids of several of the world's major cities, pIunging humankind
into darkness for weeks. Martial law is called into effect as the riots
increase in size and aggressiveness. As food begins to run out, haIf of
the world's populace is dead, with the survivors now resorting to
cannibalism and subsistence farming.
>hey sheldon
>hello leonard
>what'chu doing there?
>oh, just playing Portal on my Xbox 360
Scattered chuckles from the audience as they sense the joke coming.
>did you know, the cake is a lie?
Everyone
stops laughing. Anyone who was smiling immediately stops. The audience
stands up, and quietly files out of the studio, as the actors commit
suicide on-camera. The show is quietly canceled, and the writers burnt
at the stake by lynch mobs.