The Edge Goes to Disney World.

The_Edge

Wall of Text Warning.

So last February, my wife, "Calista", and her best friend, "Spades", were in the wedding of a friend of their's, "BlueFlame". Spades was the maid of honor while Calista was a bride's "maid". So, "The Letter Jay", Spade's boyfriend, and I went with them as their +1(s). There is a lot of backstory to this, but to speed that along. BlueFlame is Jewish and her now-husband, Code D, is not. Code D is also a douche bag that neither of us liked and BlueFlame had been turning extra flaky since she met him. On with the grand adventure to Florida!

It was a 15 hour drive coming from North Carolina. We, minus Calista, took shifts driving. Mine was from NC to SC. The Letter Jay's from SC to GA. Spades from GA to FL. We were staying at some hotel in the Animal Kingdom, BlueFlame's parents were fitting our hotel bill. Odin bless Jehovah's chosen people. Once we were settled in. We crashed in our shared room.

 The next day, we hang out with BlueFlame in the Magic Kingdom blah blah blah. Skipping to the actual wedding stuff. Spades is freaking out because she doesn't know what's going on. She's supposed to since she's the freaking Maid of Honor, just like she was in my wedding. BlueFlame at this point is flakier than Pillsbury Grand's buscuits. The rehearsal rolls around and we were almost late because have you ever driven in the Disney World area? The Letter Jay and I don't need to be around for the rehearsal so we have lunch at McD's and I gas up Spades' car (We took her car btw).  I didn't like the idea of one of Code D's groomsmen even touching my wife during the wedding so I kind of glared at them anytime we made eye contact. The Letter Jay and I were invited to the rehearsal dinner at least and OH what a dinner it was!

So, the big day is here. Calista and Spades go off to suit up. The Letter Jay and I chill out a while before we have to suit up. We make our own way to the chapel. Little did we go there was a shuttle to pick us up, but we never heard about it because BlueFlame is a flake. Descriptions of The Letter Jay and The Edge. The Letter Jay is a husky guy with long blonde hair in a ponytail wearing sunglasses and a nice black suit. The Edge is a average built guy with long brown hair in a ponytail and a gotee wearing sunglasses and a nice black suit. We walk to the scene of the chapel were people are waiting outside and were talking about the Godfather, docks, and doing Italian accents. Imagine how this looked and sounded for a bit. And then, The Letter Jay wanted a smoke. After about 10 minutes, the groom's father tells The Letter Jay that there is no smoking... outside.... away from everyone else. It took him 10 minutes to say this because apparently, The Letter Jay and I were very intimidating.

So the wedding celemony begins and then ends... It was very quick. I could have had ordered a pizza at the beginning of the celemony and it would end before the pizza arrived. "Married in a hurry?" So once, The Letter Jay and I could get back with our women, Spades as saying how she was freaking out eariler because The Letter Jay and I weren't on this mysterious shuttle to the chapel. So the reception rolls around and it is held at the aquarium in Epcot. The reception hall had windows into the tank so it was almost like being at a party to meet a Bond villain. The open bar and the food was fantastic. The evening was full of awkward conversation and the near end of a friendship. There was dancing and such. Yeah, my wedding was better in every way except for the food.

The next day, my crew and I said our good byes and good lucks before hitting the road. Another 15 hours back to NC and I drove first. Why the hel do speed limits exist in FL anyway? I was going 80 and people were still passing me. WTF?! Anyway, I did not enjoy this trip at all, neither did Calista, Spades, or The Letter Jay. Was it Disney World's fault? Not at all. Was it the fault of BlueFlame and Code D for having a destination wedding and being complete airheads about the whole process? Yes!