IJBAM: I has Penumbra now

MoeDantes

My experiences so far: "Wow, this actually plays better than I expected on a laptop. Hmm, okay, gotta open this hatch. UGH! Why won't the handle TURN? Oh, heheh, works better if you crouch. Ohhh, spooky. Well whaddya know I have a hammer. Okay, how do I move this shelf? Oh, you have to hold down the mouse button and then actually move your character. Hey, the physics work better than in Half-Life. Crap, do I wanna know what just tried to force its way out of that grate? Wait, I have to go down there? Fucking kidding me. Oh well, best way to deal with fear is to confront it head on. Luckily I'm a boring type that reads the manual so I know this is basically Clock Tower with pretentions of being Thief the Dark Project, so I is sneaking through the darkness.... hey, where are the monsters? Hmmm, better head to the office first of all. Oooh, 'artefacts' (you can already smell the British!) Wait, what just happened? Oh, now the monster's shown up! I'm so excited, what monstrosity will make me poo my pants... Wait, its a dog? My destiny is a dog?" "Man that is one dumb dog. Can't even see me unless I move while he's looking straight at me. Still, better carry this rock around just to be safe... oh, so those artefacts are save points, huh? Itchy, tasty. What are those skittering sounds? Better keep one of these boots handy. Guy behind door huh? Too bad I can't call out or anything. Maybe if I throw this boot at the door enough times he'll get the idea. Nope, he's too stupid. Better get on with it. Ya know, I figure if someone went through the trouble of putting this box on the trap door and putting three heavy rocks in it it's probably for a good reason, but because the plot says so I guess I have to undo some wiser man's hard work. Yes dumbass that was a spider. Yeah, I don't like spiders either, but quit freaking out (dumbass who can't even look at a dog for two seconds without freaking out). How in blazes did that horse get down here? Eh, better bring one of these boxes in case I need to squash a spider... wait, where is the damn thing? I been all over these caverns and I ain't saw hide nor hair of it. Mysterious secluded guy is dead now. Serves him right for not answering when I threw a boot at his door." "Okay, new area. Yeah, probably would be a good idea to barricade that door--aw bejeebers, the dog can just break through it. The dog can just break through it! What's the point of telling me to barricade it if it really doesn't do much good, game? Well managed to get the TNT where it needs to go. Wait, did I just throw a rock at that dog and it wound up running down the wrong hallway altogether? Man that dog is stupid. Of course, it killed me twice, so if it's stupid then what am I? Heh, BACKWARDS. Good one. What's this? I found a pickaxe good for me I FOUND A BOWL PICKAXE GOOD FOR ME! More skittering? Time to smash some spiders... Where the hell are the damn things? Okay, there's supposed to be a way around the electric fence? Umm... can't find it... maybe if I stack crates high enough then jump... YAY it worked! Okay so I'm supposed to smash the gunpowder barrel? Good thing it just autosaved because I anticipate explodey death in three... two... one... oh. I'm alive." "...I'm not exactly sure why I need to turn on this power generator, but I guess since it's here..." (I stopped shortly after solving that puzzle). All in all, so far not a bad game. It does have all the inherent flaws of being a horror game but since those are pretty much unfixable, I'll let them slide. For ten bucks at Fred's, it wasn't a bad purchase.