Oatmeal cookies

randomtropeloser

The oatmeal cookie, aka the Reverse King Snake; for as the king snake imitates an actual dangerous predator to get people to leave it alone, the oatmeal cookie imitates an actual delicious cookie to trick people into eating it.  With the tools at my disposal, it is difficult to describe for you the feeling of seeing what appears to be a delicious chocolate-chip cookie sitting in the background, only to walk up to it and see that what were believed to be chips are, in fact, the dried grapes which traditionally reside inside of the oatmeal.  "Well hey," you'll likely think "I did all the work of walking over here, I'm not about to pass on my free cookie!"   And so you eat it anyway, knowing that the space the cookie will take up in your stomach could never fill the void left by your false hope.  This tragedy happened to me when I was looking for free samples in the grocery store last night, and I haven't gotten over the feelings of loss and disappointment since. 

glennmagusharvey

Chocolate-chip cookies suck.  They get melty chocolate all over your hands, making a gigantic mess, and then between your teeth, necessitating that you brush or at least gargle afterwards.

Oatmeal cookies are lovely.  Oatmeal and raisin cookies are some of the best things ever.

Though sugar cookies are nicer than oatmeal-only cookies.

randomtropeloser

Blasphemy!  Chocolate chip cookies are at their best when they're warm, provided you don't touch the parts that have chocolate!  Even if they are messy, they taste a million times better than oatmeal cookies, as suggested by the fact that oatmeal cookies can't stand on their own two feet and have to pretend to be something they're not.

glennmagusharvey

Chocolate chip cookies can't stand on their own two feet either.  Cookies tend not to have feet, unless they're gingerbread cookies.

randomtropeloser

Actually, even gingerbread cookies don't usually have feet, just a pair of round stumps where they're feet should go.  It would take some serious precision to give a gingerbread cookie feet.

Tnophelia

Oatmeal cookies are kind of good though now that I think about it. As long as their aren't raisins.

randomtropeloser

To be honest, I think I may actually prefer oatmeal cookies because those are better for you, but they only taste good when they're homemade.  Storebougt oatmeal cookies taste like garbage. I only really made this thread because I thought the story behind it might amuse you people.

Anonus

I HATE RAISINS

DYRE

I don't like raisins, but when they're in oatmeal cookies, they're good.

Tnophelia

AIZENS ARE HORIBLE

glennmagusharvey

^^^ BURN THE HERETIC

^ WUT