Dead transexual Tijuanan hookers

Bob · 2011-02-15 01:20:22

I mean, there's nothing good about them. They're limp and stiff all at once, and not in a good way, they're all cold and shit, it's ridiculously hard to screw them, and they're just not fun at all. I mean, they just sit there, being dead, and you're like "dude, get up and do something! Strip, hump a lamp, rub your boobs against the window, do something!"

Only upside is you don't have to pay them.

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 01:23:06

You had a lot of fun while I was stuck in that hospital last Spring Break, didn't you MV?

Bob · 2011-02-15 01:25:09

Well, yeah, why wouldn't I? I mean, 's not my fault you had to go and get yourself horribly injured. What, you expect me to just put my life on hold for you? Selfish bastard!

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 01:27:53

You could have at least sent me flowers or something. Flowers are only like, four pesos! That's maybe two American cents! But whatever, I'm glad you had a good time.

Bob · 2011-02-15 01:30:06

Dude, I was broke! I only had one peso, and I spent that on Rodriguerita! What was I suppose to do, send a drugged up hooker to you? "LOLZORZ, HERZ A HOOKUR, HOPE YA FEEL BETTUR! LOLOLOL!111"

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 01:42:36

^^ You never know. Even if Tijuanan hookers aren't too good at their jobs, I'm sure he/she/it would have been willing to help with the liposuction. Hell, she probably could have given a better liposuction than that supposed medical professional did. And that money I made as a ghost-hooker? Turns out I couldn't take it back with me from the Spirit World after he was done. You do NOT want to know what I had to do to pay him.

^ You probably just don't hire enough hookers.

Bob · 2011-02-15 01:44:58

...Actually, I think I do want to know what you had to do to pay him. But, that'll have to wait.

Well, I suppose. Shit, even I didn't think he / she / it / they / edamame would be able to suck like that. My god, she / he / they / it / calamari was a straight up pro. In retrospect, I'm a little sad that you missed it.

...Would it make you feel better if I said I could send you a copy of the tape I took?

glennmagusharvey · 2011-02-15 01:47:58

New idea: food items are now to be used as euphemisms when you can't give a person's name.

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 01:49:39

^^ Did you see that doctor? Trust me, you don't want to know what transpired on that day.

~~Can I post it on the internet for mass profits?~~ Sure, I'm certain seeing the tapes you took would help me feel a little better. They'll be right at home stored next to the videos of me as a baby and my family celebrating Christmas for the first time.

^ Calamari was probably just a cute street name or something.

Bob · 2011-02-15 01:55:56

~~Yeah, about that... I may have accidentally beat you to it. Sowwy!~~ Awesome! Oh my god, there's this one part where the hooker takes a bath sponge, shoves it up his / her / it's / their / sushi's [REDACTED], and just [REDACTED] his / her / it's / their moyashi's [REDACTED], then, he / she / it / they / sake grabbed a giant fishing rod, glued a wig and a lifesized spongebob plushie to it and [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDAAAAAACTEEEEED]. It. Was. Glorious.

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:04:42

... -swoons- Okay, you have to send me the video now! Also, we need to go to Tijuana again this year. Saki was the cute one with the purple miniskirt, right? He/she/it looked so cute after shaving that mustache... and even cuter after he/she/it let it grow back! Have you heard from her since that day?

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:09:50

Shit, I meant Sake, sorry. I do remember a Saki, though... Oh, now I remember! Saki was the Japanese-American immigrant born in Germany and raised in Egypt before moving to Tijuana like, what, 60 years ago? Yeah, sgle / sglir / sglit / sgley / donburi was sooooooo hot. Y'know, they mentioned wanting to see you, and I still have their number...

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:13:19

Really? -tee hee!- Well, you can tell her I said hi. I need to practice my pick-up lines before I try to call her though. And maybe get my hair fixed. And maybe get another liposuction. Do I look like I need another liposuction? I need another one, don't I?

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:15:40

Eh, let's see, you're like, what, 75 pounds now?

Yeah, you're definitely in need of another liposuction. I mean, look at your bones! I can still see hints of fat and muscle tissue on them! I mean, no offense, but... It's just a bit trashy.

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:17:32

Hey, if you can fit in the car with Mr. Fatty McNotTotallyExposedBones here, be my guest! Although, we might have a bit of trouble fitting you in, what with the bodies...

You cool with riding in the trunk? No, wait, that's where we keep the babies...

Wanna ride on the hood?

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:18:03

^^ Sure!

^ -sniff- You're even crueler than Kino! I'll schedule another lipo right away! As for pickup lines... How about "Hello! Please shove this cattle prod up my ass!" Too desperate? Should I maybe go with "Hey, want to shove this cattle prod up my ass?"

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:21:11

No no no, your technique is all wrong! See, it's all about the approach. What you need to do is walk right up to her, take her hand, give her a smile and gaze into her eyes with that deep, soulful look and say in your most romantic voice, "Good evenings bitch. I am believe it would be best interests to be shoving this cattle prod up my tight holy ass."

...On that note, you still have that priest outfit, right?

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:25:04

Who said anything about tying? Super glue works just as well! Don't worry love, it won't stick. It comes off very easily if you have the right tools...

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:25:50

^^^ Oh man, that's good! -writes down- Um, my priest outfit? Yeah... it's kind of in a bad way right now. I think it might be cursed. Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome curse, but it kind of complicates things when I wear it. See, every time I put it on, Fly Me to the Moon starts playing and a bunch of demons, or angels, I'm not really sure, start trying to kill me.

^^ Don't worry, we know a thing or two about driving around while somebody is strapped to the hood! Hey MV, remember that time in New York?

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:27:55

Sweet, Saki loves that song! Don't worry about the demon angel thingies, we'll work it out. Somehow. Maybe. On the plus side, if you two die, you can be buried together!

Oh yeah, that was pretty fun! Shame about what happened to Donovan, though...

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:30:22

Hey, you know what would be the perfect vacation? You and Funnyguts could cosplay Bayonetta and Dante (you decide who plays whom) and cover me while I'm on my date!

Hey, he brought it on himself. If he'd given us the answers we wanted before we crashed into that old folks home, he'd have been fine!

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:34:58

Yeah, it's a hard place to leave.

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:35:52

^^^Cool! Well, if it''s alright with Funny, at least.

Huh? Oh, yeah, that. Sure, that was pretty bad, but I meant him getting kidnapped by the zombie of the loch ness monster's ghost. Now that had to have sucked.

^^Sweet, we won't have to splurge on a bigger ride this time!

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:41:45

I can't imagine why he'd mind. Hey Funny, do you want to cosplay (I'm assuming) Bayonetta while you help Midnight protect me and my date from being killed?

Yeah, I kind of felt guilty about killing him after his soul got dragged off by that... thing. I've seen some messed up stuff before, but whoa. At least the mob will think twice before messing with us again, right?

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:45:39

^^Please, the mob is practically our bitch now. Hell, last week I convinced Slim Donnie into buying me this coat, these shoes, the jewelry and perfume and this glass eye! Look, it's detachable! See, this compartment is where I keep the cash, here's where I hide my stash, this is where I keep numbers, this is where I keep my collection of imported chocolate, and this is where Mikey lives!

^Thank you! You won't regret it, I swear! But if you do, just know in advance that if you end up in the hospital, it wasn't my fault.

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:50:37

^^ Oh wow, he bought you all that? Better watch out, I think he may have had some alterior alterior motives for spoiling you like that, if you know what I mean. Oh, you still keep Mikey around? Can I see him?

^ Cool! So I guess that means MV will need to dust off her Dante outfit, you can dress up as Bayonetta, and I'll wear my Rodin costume over my priest outfit. Or should I maybe go with Viewtiful Joe instead?

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:51:32

^^Sure, just as long as we don't wander off into Laos. I'm, uh... I don't think I'm allowed there anymore.

^Well, I did end up screwing his brains out. He wanted it to be me rather than some random idiot with a wrench, and I was happy to oblige! Although, it did get messy after a while. Cleaning them off the floor afterward wasn't pretty. Anyway, here. If it's alright, can Mikey stay with you for, like, a week? I love having him around, but he's starting to get... irk me.

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 02:52:53

What's with all these Asian countries, Funny? Oh, I get it. Somebody has the fever!

Bob · 2011-02-15 02:55:42

Fever? What, do I need to get the thermometers again?

...Oh, that fever. Look Funny, I love Pac-Man too, just not like that...

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 03:01:32

Oh, this trip to Asia promises to be fun now! You two can make plans for now. I need to go take my Viewtiful Joe and Rodin costumes to the dry cleaner's. After that, bed.

randomtropeloser · 2011-02-15 14:14:10

I leave for one night and the thread dies without me? I'm seriously starting to feel flattered here.

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Dead transexual Tijuanan hookers

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