I have a fucking headache and I need somewhere to complain about it

Bob

Dear god, it hurts so fucking bad. It's like a colony of rabid bees are swarming around, tearing my brain apart with their stingers and filling the wounds with some sort of acidic demon honey or something. It's like a wolverine and a tornado are making sweet passionate love inside of my head. It's like some invisible douchebag goblin is smacking me in the back of the head with a 2x4 covered in barbed wire, nails and lemon juice. OH MY GOD, IT'S JUST SO FUCKING HORRIBLE.

HORRIBLE.

RedEyedAbyss

Does the catharsis help?

GLORIOUSLeader

Drink tea. 

Bob

^^Surprisingly, yes.

^I don't want solutions, I want to subject you all to my pointless bitching.

Besides, my head hurts too much for tea.

GLORIOUSLeader

That's never true. 

Bob

FUCK YOU, YES IT IS

IT HURTS SO BADLY I CAN'T EVEN MOVE, EXCLUDING MY FINGERS.

...Also, my arms, legs, neck, torso and everything else, but shut up, get out of my fucking face you fucking jerk.

GLORIOUSLeader

You know what would relieve that excruciating pain?

Tea. 

vacasama

Did anything cause that headache?

Bob

^^BUT IT HURTS SOOOOO MUUUUUCH

^Hell if I know. I think it's just another random migraine.

GLORIOUSLeader

Then masturbate. It'll either go away from your mind our sync up with the good feelings. 

Preferably, do it while drinking tea.

Bob

BUT I CAN'T MASTURBATE YOU FOOL, MY HEAD WON'T ALLOW IT! ;_;

GLORIOUSLeader

Nonsense. There's never a wrong time to masturbate. 

IanExMachina

^

This.

Bob

What about sitting next to your grandmother in a church pew?

Also, the wrong time is when your head is beating like a goddamn drum you fucking idiots oh my god THE PAIN

IanExMachina

Use the drum headache to get a rhythm going.

Also yeah, church is dull it could always use more masturbation.

Bob

Except you can't do that when the headache prevents you from doing anything consistently for more than a second.

How about this: Bang your head against the wall for about five minutes and try masturbating afterwards.

IanExMachina

^

I like it rough so no biggie.

Also it might help a bit at least temporarily.

Taken any painkillers?

Bob

You won't like it when I'm shoving a goddamn ginsu knife down your fucking pathetic ass throat you little bastard.

Also, no, I have not. It actually seems to be letting up a bit now. For some reason, being angry and swearing gratuitously seems to help.

GLORIOUSLeader

Use the knife to masturbate. 

Bob

How would me stabbing someone else count as masturbation?

In other news, my headache seems to have gone away.

_{Now I'll have to find something else to bitch about...}

vacasama

Use your imagination!

Vorpy

Mine is better.

Try making PMS threads sometime.

Forzare

@Bob

I know that feel, bro

I know that feel

feels bad man