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School and life path issues
I'm not sure if I am on the right path in life. I've... Well, the science major feels wrong somehow. I always find myself drifting towards drawing (even in the middle of class (even when the professor is staring right at me (heck, this started back in highschool now that I think about it))), and I'm considering switching from trying to be a doctor (virtually no hope of that now anyways. Average is fluctuating between high 60's and low 70's) to being a professional artist
My mother of course is no help in making a decision (she thinks its a stupid thought and that if I do switch, it should be after getting a science degree. I have a reduced course load. So I am in my second year, taking 2 courses a semester. I will have, at the end of spring semester (I'll need to take it whether or not I switch), 11 courses. Need roughly 40 to get the degree. So, erm, yeah, not really an option mom. You think I am half way through the degree. Only a quarter, roughly. 2 years to get 11 courses. It will take me anywhere from 3 to 6 more years, depending on whether or not I take a heavy as hell course load, to get my degree. Yeah...). My father is more supportive, wanting me to be happy, but he wants me to also be damn sure about switching if I do (likely because post secondary is a money sink)
I've already gone to ACAD's open house, and the only complaints about my portfolio is that there isn't enough variety (I showed them drawings, an animation, sprites, photoshop work, colouring, and ink. Students have gotten in showing only two media, and think the recommended 10 I was told to have is insane (I have 12 works that are in different medium that can be presented, last count)) and that I don't show my thought process enough (dealt with via a photoshop I did last year, a partially completed sketch I can photograph, and some sprite work that I saved the stages for)
That combined with English Language Arts grades in the high 80's (you need 65% minimum in that to get in), and I could likely get in despite them only accepting half the people who apply (thinking I can get in is based on what they said about my portfolio)
So that is covered if I decide to switch
As for what I want for my future... I weighed it out
I gave the future paths three different points needed:
Artist provides Enjoyment, but Money is no guarantee. As for Freedom... Well, that one is no guarantee either. Depends on clients
So I rate them about equal
The issue? Well, am I thinking straight? Will I actually be happier? Will life be better if I switch? Asking those at ACAD of course has the image of, "JOIN US!" being painted. Asking those at MRU has the image of, "STAY HERE!" being painted. So yay! Bias everywhere!
God, this has me stressed. Heck, yesterday my mind tried to convince me that my parents were secretly discussing how they hate me and that they will never respect me no matter what choice I make now because I made my thoughts known. My brain tried to tell me that I should have shut up and said nothing, because that's what a good son does
I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow, but he won't be too much help as he's my new one. This will only be the second time I'll have talked to him. If only Dr. Yates wasn't retired, then I could ask him. He knew me better than I knew myself, and even brought up information that had the whole family going, "...Really!? We missed THAT!?"
I also plan to talk to the school counsellors tomorrow, but I'm paranoid that, no matter what they say, they are going to be saying it in a biased way to get me to try to stay, because hey, more students that stay at MRU, more money MRU gets
Any advice, since life can't be simple and give me the answer?
Also holy tons of text
My mother of course is no help in making a decision (she thinks its a stupid thought and that if I do switch, it should be after getting a science degree. I have a reduced course load. So I am in my second year, taking 2 courses a semester. I will have, at the end of spring semester (I'll need to take it whether or not I switch), 11 courses. Need roughly 40 to get the degree. So, erm, yeah, not really an option mom. You think I am half way through the degree. Only a quarter, roughly. 2 years to get 11 courses. It will take me anywhere from 3 to 6 more years, depending on whether or not I take a heavy as hell course load, to get my degree. Yeah...). My father is more supportive, wanting me to be happy, but he wants me to also be damn sure about switching if I do (likely because post secondary is a money sink)
I've already gone to ACAD's open house, and the only complaints about my portfolio is that there isn't enough variety (I showed them drawings, an animation, sprites, photoshop work, colouring, and ink. Students have gotten in showing only two media, and think the recommended 10 I was told to have is insane (I have 12 works that are in different medium that can be presented, last count)) and that I don't show my thought process enough (dealt with via a photoshop I did last year, a partially completed sketch I can photograph, and some sprite work that I saved the stages for)
That combined with English Language Arts grades in the high 80's (you need 65% minimum in that to get in), and I could likely get in despite them only accepting half the people who apply (thinking I can get in is based on what they said about my portfolio)
So that is covered if I decide to switch
As for what I want for my future... I weighed it out
I gave the future paths three different points needed:
- Money
- Freedom to do as I please
- Enjoyment
Artist provides Enjoyment, but Money is no guarantee. As for Freedom... Well, that one is no guarantee either. Depends on clients
So I rate them about equal
The issue? Well, am I thinking straight? Will I actually be happier? Will life be better if I switch? Asking those at ACAD of course has the image of, "JOIN US!" being painted. Asking those at MRU has the image of, "STAY HERE!" being painted. So yay! Bias everywhere!
God, this has me stressed. Heck, yesterday my mind tried to convince me that my parents were secretly discussing how they hate me and that they will never respect me no matter what choice I make now because I made my thoughts known. My brain tried to tell me that I should have shut up and said nothing, because that's what a good son does
I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow, but he won't be too much help as he's my new one. This will only be the second time I'll have talked to him. If only Dr. Yates wasn't retired, then I could ask him. He knew me better than I knew myself, and even brought up information that had the whole family going, "...Really!? We missed THAT!?"
I also plan to talk to the school counsellors tomorrow, but I'm paranoid that, no matter what they say, they are going to be saying it in a biased way to get me to try to stay, because hey, more students that stay at MRU, more money MRU gets
Any advice, since life can't be simple and give me the answer?
Also holy tons of text
Comments
And another thing too, know what art job you want to get into. Freelancers have to rely on a primary job, and make art their secondary job because most of the time, art doesn't get you the money.
Only thing I couldn't do was overworld sprites and really small sprites (fixed the second one recently with practice). So I am able to handle rejection and doing the boring stuff over and over again pretty well
Not to mention that I already do multiple angles when planning a major drawing (I actually pretend that the thing I am drawing is in front of me, and I will physically turn it to define different things). I also redraw the same thing multiple times to get different styles for it
EDIT: If you think the guy was possibly easy going, he may have been, but the other person who originally directed my work... She was a worse spriter than me by far (seriously. Everybody at the site agreed. EVERYBODY) and would call some of my work crap, but I was able to take it
Neither of my parents want me anywhere near art, and want me to finish science
When I am barely passing
If I keep on this path, my GPA will be shot. to. hell
Not to mention that I am almost certain that I would rather go into art
So I prepared the following to present to them. Opinions?
Look, I am... Well, not miserable, but not happy either. The courses feel like a chore, and not a choice. And I know, university is supposed to be hard. But there is hard and then there is doing it just because. I do enjoy science, don't get me wrong, but I am not enjoying it in this sense. Everything is wrong. I feel as if I am doing it not because I want to, but because you want me to
Heck, my brain said, on the way to ACAD for the open house, that I, "Should have kept my mouth shut and beared it, doing it because that is what good sons do"
I'm not in science anymore because I want to be in it, but because I feel it is what you guys want
And you know what? That's wrong. There is no reason why I should do something because I believe it is what you guys want
Now, would I be happier in art? After all, I enjoy science yet I am not happy in it
Well, and you guys are likely going to get peeved about this, but please stay calm and listen. I just can't focus in science. I find myself drawing in the middle of class. As I type this, I'm betting this is the part where you guys get VERY angry and start admonishing me. I am going to sit and wait for you two to finish your anger, then calmly explain that this really shows something is wrong
My grades aren't where they should be - and cue you guys saying that it is due to me drawing and if I focused and blah
You know what? I TRIED focusing. I can't get into it. If I was finding even a small amount of enjoyment, then I could focus. I could handle this. But I am not finding enjoyment. And in fact, I can trace this ALL the way back to high school. Yes, I drew in the middle of class then as well. Cue more anger directed at me. I don't care. My emotions are running dry. I will just sit here and take it until you are done. Go ahead and ground me. Take everything away. It doesn't matter. It won't dissuade me. I am adamant about this
I found the most enjoyment not in science, and not in video games, in case if you think, "Work isn't fun". What I found the most enjoyment in was art classes. I was free. I was able to show my true self. I am happy when doing art. I am happy when creating, when imagining. And as I type this, I am crying. Yeah, I hit the core of the problem. I hit the root of it. I am not happy unless I am doing art. I am not happy unless I am creating, unless I am imagining. Science is fun, but it isn't me. Art is me
Now comes the argument about money. "How will you support yourself? It is cut throat!" Well, not only does ACAD have assignments that are meant to make the employment process as simple as possible, but I have been talking to artists for the past while, asking them how they support themselves
Guess what? They have no real problems with supporting themselves. Even the ones who didn't go to art school
Not all art is paintings. Commercials are art, for example. They are designed to invoke specific feelings in the viewer. That's what art is. Not a SINGLE artist I have talked to has gone hungry or has been unable to pay the bills unless an extraordinarily bad thing has happened. And even then, they spring back in a month or two
If the starving artist stereotype were true, then I think this would be a far different story, wouldn't you?
Next argument? "Finish your degree first"
Mom, dad, I did the math when I first went INTO THE MAJOR! I need 40 classes, MINIMUM, to get the degree
Assuming I take 2 this spring, that brings it to 10. That leaves 29 courses left to take. Doesn't seem bad?
Assume I take the maximum course load allowed for the rest of my time there. 4 a semester (2 during spring, as, due to the compression, 2 is the most you are allowed under normal circumstances)
That's 10 a year
At MAXIMUM COURSE LOAD, it would take another 3 YEARS to graduate. When I'm struggling. Reduce it to 3 a semester and 2 in spring?
That's 8 a year. 8, 16, 24, then finishing up. That's 4
And once again I'm struggling. You want my marks? Here are my marks:
Biology: C+ (52.08%)
Globalization: C+ (65.90%)
Controversies in Science: B
Calculus: Withdrew, permanent mark on my record
Writing for the Professions: B-
Cultural Perspectives: B-
Japanese: B-
Overall GPA: 2.61
I'm barely scraping by. And you can force me to study all you want. You can sell all my things and lock me in a small room with only the books. You know what will happen? I will stare at the wall and think up of new drawings to do when I get out of the room
By the way, please look at Biology again. 52%. So, if I was meant for science, then why is it that low? I barely passed what EVERYONE thinks I should specialize in. In fact, 52% means I automatically, no matter how hard I try from now on, can't become a doctor or vet. In fact, the GPA is so shot that I would need near immaculate marks from now on to have a usuable GPA
I need a GPA of 3.75 for a usuable degree, if I recall. I just checked. If I get 100% from now on, the BEST I can do is 3.65 GPA
If I keep on this path, then it won't matter what I do. My GPA will make it so I won't see anything above a fast food joint
If you still don't agree with me wanting to change to artist, fine. It doesn't matter, though, as if you won't pay for it, then I WILL withdraw from MRU to protect what remains of my GPA, then get a full time job and build up money. And the second I have enough money (And yes, I am even going to be filling out art grants. Yet another thing. I am EXCITED about trying to get grants for ACAD. I am TERRIFIED about trying to get them for MRU), I WILL go to ACAD
Thank you for reading or listening to this. I hope you understand
You HAVE to do something you like, otherwise you won't be happy or motivated to succeed. This reminds me of the person I saw in one of my lectures last semester drawing a really good Batman. I'm in science. Maybe you should try game development?
INUH: I see Visual Novels as a kind of game
Though I might add some gameplay to a few of them. Definitely not the first one.
Ica, your problem seems similar to my own problem, wherein my parents seem to think that my life would be better off had I finished my chem eng and become a good little engineer (somehow. or maybe gone into finance), and who think that my going into carbon/energy/climate issues is a waste of time and money and has put me halfway to nowhere. Whereas I felt little motivation to succeed in chemical engineering, a field whose two biggest industries--petrochemicals and biotech--I had little interest in. I think I'd end up in some sort of base-level engineering position with little desire for career advancement--either that, or I'd gradually trend away from technical issues themselves and toward management and busines strategy anyway. Now, however, I have a cause I can dedicate myself to, as well as a reasonably-well-identified niche I can fill--connecting technical issues to business and political strategy and policymaking, and figuring out how to connect them to get results. The biggest problem with this, currently, is that it's very mood-dependent--it's dependent on people's mood, politically and economically--and that this field does require some amount of connections, which I just have to build slowly.
But at least I have something I want to do now. My mom, on the other hand, thinks politics is shady stuff and does't like to see me near it. Though she's kinda warmed up to the idea...though now she just keeps on telling me to go get a policy or polisci PhD.
Glenn: Glad to see that I'm not the only one
@Thread in general: Blah. I fell asleep in my Biology class today, both due to lack of sleep and being completely unsure of what to do.
Yes, I realize there is a glut of artists, art school will likely be harder than university classes because of things such as subjectivity and aforementioned glut, and jobs may be hard to find at times
Still liking this upcoming change more than what I am going through now