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Loner=Attention Hog?
Okay, I realize that the idea that trying to avoid social interaction could be construed as an attention seeking behavior is rather counterintuitive. I mean, people who purposely do not try to make friends and stay by themselves all of the time seem to have less opportunities to receive attention from other people since they would be much less likely to even be around them. I believe that there certainly are ways to be a loner without being able to fit into the problem that this thread is supposed to be about too. If one has a job that allows one to completely avoid social contact, never eats out at restaurants, or (unfortunately) scares people away because of his or her appearance, I think that person probably will not have these kinds of issues.
Anyway, basically the problem I have is with how when a person is sitting alone somewhere, he or she can unintentionally attract the attention of other people. I understand and appreciate that usually those people tend to have good intentions. From what I can tell, many times they just want to help you out, make sure you are not lonely, or just want to make conversation. I like the idea that people would care about each other enough to think those things, but I think that many times when people are alone because they want to be, they also want to be left alone and talking to them can actually bother them.
I have heard of plenty of situations in which someone is really sad about some personal issue and a person he or she does not know well (or sometimes someone he or she does know well) comes up to the person and starts talking to him or her. From what I can tell, that can often make the person's problem worse when he or she just wants some alone time. Sure, sometimes people get through things better by talking to someone else, but I tend to believe that one should give someone a bit of distance when that person appears to desire it. Of course, I guess the issue is more complicated when the person who starts talking to the loner does not know him or her at all.
In other cases, the loner just prefers being alone and does not want to be bothered. I think that situation is generally just as legitimate.
Sorry, I suppose I am drifting from my point a bit. Basically, I dislike the kind of attention I mentioned earlier. It seems to me that it is a byproduct of how social today's (and probably most other societies) society is. I think it can be rather annoying when someone who is a bit of loner has to be constantly reminded of how they are strange and must have something wrong with him or her. More than that, I think that one who wants to just be invisible probably really dislikes this kind of attention since that person has purposely tried to avoid seeking attention altogether. After all, if he or she was with a friend or a group of friends, I doubt he or she would attract the same attention.
Now, I understand that some people probably do sit by themselves and have a sour expression on their face in order to get other people to talk to them about their issues. I guess that kind of behavior is what bothers me the most about this kind of thing. I wonder if sometimes being in a large (though loosely linked) group of friends actually is a better way to blend into the background than being alone all of the time.
I apologize for rambling.
Anyway, basically the problem I have is with how when a person is sitting alone somewhere, he or she can unintentionally attract the attention of other people. I understand and appreciate that usually those people tend to have good intentions. From what I can tell, many times they just want to help you out, make sure you are not lonely, or just want to make conversation. I like the idea that people would care about each other enough to think those things, but I think that many times when people are alone because they want to be, they also want to be left alone and talking to them can actually bother them.
I have heard of plenty of situations in which someone is really sad about some personal issue and a person he or she does not know well (or sometimes someone he or she does know well) comes up to the person and starts talking to him or her. From what I can tell, that can often make the person's problem worse when he or she just wants some alone time. Sure, sometimes people get through things better by talking to someone else, but I tend to believe that one should give someone a bit of distance when that person appears to desire it. Of course, I guess the issue is more complicated when the person who starts talking to the loner does not know him or her at all.
In other cases, the loner just prefers being alone and does not want to be bothered. I think that situation is generally just as legitimate.
Sorry, I suppose I am drifting from my point a bit. Basically, I dislike the kind of attention I mentioned earlier. It seems to me that it is a byproduct of how social today's (and probably most other societies) society is. I think it can be rather annoying when someone who is a bit of loner has to be constantly reminded of how they are strange and must have something wrong with him or her. More than that, I think that one who wants to just be invisible probably really dislikes this kind of attention since that person has purposely tried to avoid seeking attention altogether. After all, if he or she was with a friend or a group of friends, I doubt he or she would attract the same attention.
Now, I understand that some people probably do sit by themselves and have a sour expression on their face in order to get other people to talk to them about their issues. I guess that kind of behavior is what bothers me the most about this kind of thing. I wonder if sometimes being in a large (though loosely linked) group of friends actually is a better way to blend into the background than being alone all of the time.
I apologize for rambling.
Comments
I used to be something of a loner myself, though I'm not sure it was deliberate to draw attention. I just liked being weird, and disliked hanging out - too irksome to bother with.
At times though, I would hang out with a clique of sorts, and would frequent said clique for a while and then eventually move on or just go it alone, much like I do on the fora now.
Well, uniqueness inasmuch as it would confer advantages over one's peers. However, preference for the protection that a group gives.
Well, go figure it out yourself.
I want to add more to this thread, but I'm a bit tired right now. A bit later, perhaps.