Jokes Only Nerds Get

GLORIOUSLeader

1. Heisenberg and his wife were zooming down the highway in their BMW. They were then pulled over by a cop. The cop asked how fast they were going. Heisenberg said, "exactly 83 miles per hour." Too which his wife replied, "You idiot! Now we're lost!"

2. Schrödinger walked into a pet shop carrying a box. He complained to the manager, "I want my money back for this cat! When I opened this box, I found out it was dead!"

3. A girl I know, Helena, recently broke up with her boyfriend. To cheer her up, I tried setting her up with dates. Frank and Nick turned out to be poisonous to her health. However, with the help of Nancy and Clarissa, we were able to get her a new boyfriend: Oliver! Their relationship is neither too basic nor too acidic, so they get along perfectly. They even managed to neutralize some other people I know, like Barry. 

Chagen

Shit, I only got the second one.

RedEyedAbyss

The third one is so awkwardly worded it's not even funny.

First one can be explained by Wikipedia. Chances are if you're in high school and don't have a keen interest in physics, you wouldn't have learned it.

MousaThe14

Number 3's a chemistry joke, right? Or something to do with acids and bases?

And I don't get that first one either.

Basically, The only one I get is the one everyone gets: Schrodinger's cat.

You fool! You only provide jokes Nerds get! Why couldn't this be about jokes only geeks would get?

Chagen

OH. Now I get the first one, my dad told me about the Uncertainty Principle back when I was in like sixth grade.

It's the one where you can determine either a particle's speed and position perfectly, but you can never accurately determine both at the same time, right? I read about that once.

Stormtroper

Ha! I get all three!

Variation on #1: An electron was speeding when an officer makes it stop, says it was going at exactly 85 km/h, the electron then says "but you can't know I was where that's over the limit."

GLORIOUSLeader

Yeah, I have a problem with wording for the third one.

Helena is hydrogen. When H bonds with Frank (F), you get hydrogen fluoride, a corrosive acid. Similarly, combining H with Nick (N, technically NO₃) yields nitric acid, a poisonous chemical. However, H and Oliver (O) make, obviously, H₂O, which is neither acidic nor basic and neutralizes many acids and bases (such as Barry/Ba(OH)₂). 

Stormtroper

Helena should be called something that doesn't start with "He".

That's royalty name, amirite?

GLORIOUSLeader

I actually know somebody named Helena. And she dated a Nick. So it just popped into my mind. 

I could've named her Hannah, but then again I could never figure out how to pluralize her name, so I avoided her.

Okay, nobody will get that one. 

Icalasari

I got all three first try

^ That was a joke?

Khwarizmi

Got the first two immediately.  Third one had me stumped, but I never liked chemistry much.

Nyktos

First one took me a sec because I can never remember exactly how the uncertainty principle works. Second I got instantly, of course. Third I quickly realized was based on element symbols, but the specifics of it I didn't get.

GLORIOUSLeader

^^^ Hannah Arendt was a famed German political philosopher who mused that "men, not Man, live on the earth and inhabit the world."

So an electron walks into a bar. He stops in his tracks when he sees that the bartender is busy reading "The Tao Tau of Pooh", and thusly, whispers: "...g-grandson?"

Nyktos

Now that one I don't get at all.

Stormtroper

Me neither, and reading wikipedia isn't helping, but hey, at least I learned something.

but the specifics of it I didn't get.

Beats getting some of them wrong, like I did.

Another one you've all probably heard by now: An atom tells another atom "I've lost one of my electrons", "are you sure?", "I'm positive."

TheMightyAnonym

I got the first two, the last one stumped me though.

Deboss

Got the first two, missed the third one until the end, then I got the acids/bases thing.

Heisenberg uncertainty principle: you can't know where something is and how fast it's going at the same time.

GLORIOUSLeader

In the lepton family of particles, electrons are considered the first generation and tau are among the third generation. 

Icalasari

I want to see how many jokes I manage to miss before you exhaust your joke supply

GLORIOUSLeader

Why was the old lady so upset that her joules were stolen?

Because her radiance decreased. 

Icalasari

^ I think I get that one. Energy can be emitted - or radiate - off of an electron

GLORIOUSLeader

Close, but no cigar. Joules are the unit of measurement for radiant energy/electromagnetic waves. 

DelusionalSunset

Helena threw me off because of the He start.

Stormtroper

I was expecting something about being worked out.

GLORIOUSLeader

Okay, this one's more "only tropers will get it."

Why does your face remind me of a lengthy joke?

Because your face makes me want to take an overly long gag. 

Deboss

Joules are energy in general.  Most people are more familiar with kWh though.