IJBM: Feeling like an asshole for being apathetic towards other people's problems

Bob

I don't mean acting nonchalant when a friend is confiding in me about something that's really troubling them, but for some reason, I often find it very hard to sympathize with people angsting over the internet. This isn't always the case: For example, if someone's just lost a loved one or has a really bad disease, I find myself feeling really bad for them. But the moment someone gets really dramatic (or if I feel they're being overly dramatic over something really trivial or vague), like saying they want to kill themselves or implying that life isn't worth living and is absolutely terrible, they lose me. I automatically stop caring, I'll find them annoying, I may even think they're trolling. Then, I feel guilty about it later. I start thinking that I'm turning into an insensitive jerk who can't relate to people.

Worst part is, now it sort of feels like I'm being needlessly whiny and angsty, just like the people I complain about, yet I don't know of any way to make this sound less whiny or angsty.

Gelzo

I'm not too concerned about not worrying about other people's problems enough. There's not a whole lot I can do for them other than offer my knowledge and advice, and it's not always appropriate to give it.

Bob

That's another thing. I always see giving them advice as pointless because

1) They're most likely not going to listen,

2) They won't know how to apply it to their life or will say they don't or something stupid like that, and

3)They shouldn't be burdening people online with their bullshit. Either they should share it with their friends, see a psychiatrist, talk over it with their family, or if none of those are viable options, find some other way of coping.

Vorpy

One thing I always keep in mind is that

1) I do not need to care. Caring is optional, and it's a service I can deny them at any time I feel they are not respecting my Terms of Services.
2) It's their problem, not mine. If it doesn't work out, there's nothing I can do.
3) Everyone's problems are true until proven false. Who cares if they were trolling? No skin off of my ass.

Gelzo

I dunno. Sometimes it's nice for your motivation to hear someone tell you something you already know you should do.

And sometimes people on the internet don't have very good friends or family, or can't get psychotherapy for whatever reason.

Bob

^^I try to keep those in mind, but ultimately, when I just can't care anymore, my brain turns against me and brands me a heartless jerk.

Also, apologies for the hypocrisy.

Vorpy

Never apologize for hypocrisy if it is valid.

You should never feel self-imposed to not be a hypocrite if it's for your best intetions.

DonZabu

^ Define "valid hypocrisy".

>They shouldn't be burdening people online with their bullshit.

In a medium where the poster can never force the reader to read their post, and the reader reads their post of their own volition, then that's a pretty flimsy definition of "burdening".

Bob

I think she means justified hypocrisy.

Valid hypocrisy confuses me. I mean, what would invalid hypocrisy be? I guess it'd just be hypocrisy that doesn't benefit anyone and isn't in anyone's best intentions.

I think I answered my own question, but I'm still confused about it. Then again, that probably just means that I didn't answer the question at all.

"In a medium where the poster can never force the reader to read their post, and the reader reads their post of their own volition, then that's a pretty flimsy definition of "burdening"."

Duly noted. I think that adds to the problem. At times it just seems like I'm looking for something to get irritated over.

Fuck, I am an asshole.

ninjaclown

Boy did I learn all this the hard way.

Bob

Learn what the hard way?

ninjaclown

That sometimes posting advice and trying to help does absolutely nothing if the reader has no intention of reading it.

Bob

Oh. Yep. It sucks that you can't really tell who will and won't take your advice online (or IRL for that matter) unless you know the person well enough, which most of the time, you don't.