my nosy next door neighbor

FrodoGoofballCoTV

She's the closest thing I have to a best friend right now and my parents want me to be friends with her, but I don't know if I can anymore.  She wants me to eat exactly like she does (hard bread, spoonfulls of powder and more pills than I'd care to count) and thinks I have only 15 years to live otherwise.  I am fat (about Kevin Smith's size), but I don't eat all that terrible stuff.  Stouffer's lean quisine, diet soda, Subway, etc.  She threatened to search my groceries, so I put them in a suitcase to hide them.  I can't really avoid someone living next door in a small apartment.

Gelzo

Tell her you appreciate the concern for your health, but your health is your own responsibility and it's going to put a strain on the relationship if your privacy isn't respected.

You might be better able to make a more convincing argument if you can truthfully cite ways in which you're taking steps to improve your health. 

Icalasari

I'd just screw with her and find articles stating how what she is eating will shorten her lifespan

But I may not be the best person to ask

BaronGrackle

Surprise her with a kick to the stomach. Then, the piledriver. As she's disoriented, move forward for the pin. One, two, THREE! And then it's over. You win.

glennmagusharvey

...how does she get into your apartment in the first place?

FrodoGoofballCoTV

^She doesn't.  She catches me walking between my car and apartment with groceries.