My extreme paranoia (and general inability to function in adult society).

Chagen

I don't know if I can function in higher society.

I am gripped by delusions of persecution where ever I go. I construct everything against me as an attack. And now, it's seriously starting to worry me. I will make the most tenuous connections that don't actually exist and flip out over them. Perfectly innocent things will be twisted by me into personal attacks. Any criticism of  a group I belong to will be taken personally when the critic was criticizing the group and not me personally. I am a conspiracy theorist to the highest degree. I'm always paranoid, looking everywhere for persecution. Even compliments will be twisted into something they weren't. I've lost friends, made it hard to gain new ones, and overall fucked myself over in real life because of this. 

I'm ill fit for the real world. I can't do anything adults need to make a living and stay afloat in the adult world. I'll never be anyone if I can't do anything right. I'm ill suited for all types of jobs, I have no natural talent that I can exploit for easy money, and I can't make anything so I can't sell my created wares. Right now, I'm writing a book series, yet the first one hasn't even been written and sent to publishing houses. It likely never will. 

I'm getting sick of it. I know that self-diagnosing is a bad idea, but I seriously think I'm a paranoid schizophrenic sometimes. I feel like I'm going to slip over the edge of sanity any day now. I don't want to live my adult life in an asylum, but that's where I'm headed, for sure. And if I'm not, I'll be a poverty stricken worker in the slums of San Antonio, Texas.

It's here where I was born. And it seems that it will be here when I am buried. Perhaps I should allow myself to be buried earlier than expected.

Noimporta

Well, you're still 14, so I guess you've got some time to figure it out.

Chagen

I'm 15.

Khwarizmi

Hey, hold your horses!  These are perfectly normal insecurities.  No need to start panicking about schizophrenia or thinking about death just yet.  Calm down.

The best way to stop construing everything against you as an attack, I think, is to stop and think before responding.  Recognising that you have this problem is the first step.  The next is to consider what other, less offensive things the speaker might have meant, and refrain from making an assumption until you're absolutely sure that they were trying to insult or pick on you.

>Any criticism of  a group I belong to will be taken personally when the critic was criticizing the group and not me personally.

I have this problem as well.  My response was to cease identifying as anything very strongly, so that when a group to which I belong gets attacked, I see it as referring to a "them" rather than me.  That was kind of stressful, though, so I don't know if I recommend it.

Speaking more generally, though, I have a lot of concerns about how I'm going to fit in in the adult world, how I'm going to adjust, and so on and so forth.  The idea of getting a career is one that I find particularly troubling.  I've spoken to a number of other people who had similar worries.  I think this is normal for people of your age, and potentially quite a bit older.

ClockworkUniverse

Nobody's ready for the real world at 15.

And for that matter, few are ready after graduating from college.

glennmagusharvey

Dude, Chagen, don't worry that much.  I'm in my twenties and I'm still figuring it out.  I've got a master's degree and am still figuring out how to leave the freakin' nest.

BaronGrackle

Yes, hold your horses. When I was around your age, I had two major fears. One: that I wouldn't be able to function in normal society. Two: that I would be able to function in normal society, but I'd forget everything I cared about, and that'd be just awful.

It's emotional times. And part of that, I think, is that it probably is some of the hardest times in a person's life. I can't guarantee you that things will look better soon afterward, but I can tell you that they did with me. And it seems like that's the trend.

Stormtroper

Here's another one in his 20s who still hasn't figured it out. Only time will tell, and you still have much of it.

FrodoGoofballCoTV

Any criticism of a group I belong to will be taken personally.

That's a sign of someone who identifies too closely with groups IMHO, not a sign of schizophrenia.  A lot of people are prejudiced and may not even know that they know someone in the group they're complaining about.  I try to keep these things in mind:

• It's easy to mistake stupidity for conspiracy.
• Try assuming others have good intentions.
• You are an individual before you are a member of a group.

I'm ill fit for the real world.

• I may be the oldest person on this forum and I've never really fit the real world all that well.  One learns to live with it.  I have found that being an adult mostly means you just put up with more shit in life.  Or, as Mike Tyson put it "You learn to do things you hate as if you loved them".  But the reward for sucess is more freedom to be yourself.
• Career is based on one's strengths, not one's weaknesses.  Focus on developing your strengths, and fight weakness as a supporting action. 

For me 7th-10th grade was probably the most difficult period in my life psychologically.  8th grade was a total disaster academically.  It took me until I was a Junior to earn back any real respect.

Longfellow

It's hard to function in adult society. Hell, adult society hardly functions.

glennmagusharvey

> adult society hardly functions

Good point.

That said, you kinda have to do it no matter whether you like it or not.

BaronGrackle

What do we mean by "adult society"?
Having a job? Interacting socially? Raising a family?

glennmagusharvey

Interacting socially is something we mostly already know.  I'd say it's things like:
* having (and holding) a job
* maintaining one's household (i.e. paying bills, cleaning, minor repairs, etc.)
* maintaining one's health (buying groceries, preparing food, minimizing sickness and injury, recovering from sickness and injury, dealing with any allergies)
* maintaining one's finances and assets (paying bills, not spending too much, making major financial decisions such as vehicle and domicile purchases/rentals, driving safely, personal security)

The biggest issue I'd say is that as an adult you no longer have a safety net from your parents and thus you have to look over your own shoulder all the time.

Chagen

Those kind of things. What I meant was the concept of having to provide for yourself and possibly other people, with little to no support expected in case of failure. Living out on your own (I probably wont get married) and having your own job., paying bills, voting, having full legal rights...thingsl like that. My dad has always made it out to be a dirty and tough job that barely has any rewards and for most, is nothing but a paycheck-to-paycheck slog for the rest of their lives, so I'm not expecting it to be anything enjoyable. And to be honest, while I do love all the rights I would gain, I'm kinda scared of it, to be honest.