I am a fuck up

Icalasari

Why can't I just curl up and die?

I lost my temper over plastic bowls falling. Plastic. Fucking. Bowls. I got shouted at, of course, and of course, I went and curled up and wished I could die for the I lost count time

Then I think of suicide and talk to myself about how worthless I am and blah blah fucking blah then I go do NOTHING about it ALL for the cycle to repeat itself again at another date

Watch. Later I'll ignore this thread and wait for it to be buried because why should I bother other people with my crapiness, then another time I'll make a thread like this and we will all go through this fucking GOD DAMNED SONG AND FUCKING DANCE AGAIN!

Why can't I just spare everyone the fucking trouble and put a knife through my god damned throat? Oh, right, because I'm a fucking wimp who is afraid of pain and death and can't give everyone the courtesy of just dying

Heck, I have tools to make everyone's life easier all around me. Metal coat hangers. A screwdriver. Several blunt objects with weight. Heck, I could even just puncture my own throat with my fingers. But no, I never do

Now go ahead and ignore this because it is a piece of crap thread about a piece of crap who can't fucking do anything

Komodin

Oh, hai Chag-

-sees OP-

... oh, hai Icala.

Icalasari

And just to show what a fuck up I am:

I can't even go and blank the fucking post because, "Oh, you need to get it off your fucking chest!"

WHY SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER YOU GUYS!?

DonZabu

It's not so bad. I routinely lose my temper whenever my mother tries to wake me up and call me into the kitchen by going "Yoo hoo!".

Icalasari

^ Do you fucking fling the offending items all over the place in a fit?

glennmagusharvey

I generally try to make sure that they're either unbreakable or at least of little value.

Though I definitely have smashed things in a fit.  I try hard to avoid doing that, but most recently I threw my jacket onto the ground while angry and broke the zipper.

And getting pissed at basically an accumulated bunch of annoying shit is nothing unusual at all.

Vorpy

myheartwillgoon.jpeg

snowbull

They invented therapists specifically for this. If you are seriously unhappy, I imagine that the benefits outweigh the monetary cost.

Stormtroper

I often have these, too. Sucks...

Vorpy

Back in my recession I had this happen to me.

FrodoGoofballCoTV

I know I'm late to the conversation, but @Icalasari:

You're not "a fuck up".  It sounds like you have anger issues.  Some years ago in basketball practice, a guy knocked off my glasses and I nearly went ballistic.  The instructor had to take me out for the rest of the game.

Recently I was walking in a parking lot between school and the train tracks and thinking, it'd be so easy to just walk over to the tracks and wait for the end.  But I would cause more emotional damage by taking my life than what I cost society by being alive.

Icalasari

Frodo: I do have anger issues. I'm feeling better now, but I know that this will come up again in the future over something else that may or may not be worth the anger. And I know that, after the anger, I would cause way more pain if I killed myself

Still doesn't stop those thoughts from going through my head, or the feelings or worthlessness to echo around in my skull

snowbull: I have a psychiatrist? Or do they not do the same thing as a therapist?

snowbull

I think psychiatrists can prescribe medication, but I really don'
t know much of anything about this stuff.

glennmagusharvey

I find it more useful to come to terms with something like anger issues rather than to suppress it with medication or forceful discipline.

Icalasari

Glenn, I have several disorders that make it hard to control my anger. I have learned techniques, but something minor can make me fly off the handle before I know what hit. I need the meds to keep me in check so I can at least get angry slowly enough to remove myself from a bad situation

Ponicalica

In general, things like medication often help one come to terms with such things.

Icalasari

You know what doesn't help out?

"Oh, that boy on tv is becoming a successful lawyer and has Aspergers and is saying that it gives him an advantage, so you have NO excuse to be struggling!"

More or less paraphrased

Yeah, feels like my original post is being backed up...

glennmagusharvey

I keep on getting compared to these one or two people my mom knows who are about my age but have extremely profitable careers working in the financial industry.

Icalasari

^ So... I shouldn't worry about this?

glennmagusharvey

I was just commiserating, noting that I have to deal with "Why aren't you as awesome as they are" citations.

Icalasari

May as well keep it all in one thread

Guess what? I tried to use the lint brush to get rid of loose fur on the rabbit (everybody uses it for the rabbit, and I've used it before)

It stuck to him and I laughed initially when he ran off because of how ridiculous it looked

When it finally came off a few minutes later (neither me nor dad could get close enough to remove it), a LARGE patch of fur came

He isn't bald anywhere so it didn't remove enough fur to do that, but apoarently he could be injured badly, but won't let dad check. And apparently I was told that this particular lint brush would do this (Then why leave it in the same spot as before, ready to defur the rabbit?)

For once, my damn OCD decided to be useless and NOT forsee this

Of course, I'm now hiding in my room under the quilt because of yet another screw up

See why I make so many wonderposts? Because when something genuinely goes wrong for me, it goes wrong big time

Now I'm betting the rabbit hates/is afraid of me. No need to mention again how I feel my dad feels about me. My sister when she gets back Sunday is likely to be pissed about me accidentally hurting her rabbit, and my mom will likely be pissed as well

Just... Why can't I do things right...?