Gizoogle

Ironweaver

Gizoogle is a tool that translates text and websites into ghetto slang, and searches the web through a modified version of Google, with the results coming up the same way. Amazingly, the end results sound very natural and aren't awkward at all - apparently, the algorithm is based on Snoop Dogg's mannerisms.

Here's a sample, from something I wrote on BTL.

Before:

I used to be a highly devout Orthodox Christian (for a while, I wanted to be a priest when I grow up), then lost my faith and spent a certain period of time as an agnostic atheist. Eventually, under a lot of influence from my mother, I figured out that the empirical method is extremely shallow and that there is much more to the world than what we can see with our senses. Currently, I identify as a pantheist. While I believe that all religions are dogmatic, irrational and come to conclusions that are impossible to prove, I hold the view that there is a certain spiritual energy which encompasses the entire world.

The harmony of the natural order and the perfection of the laws of nature have always impressed me. The whole universe functions as a single organism - everything little process has got its purpose, and everything has its place. Even the most diehard atheists and empiricists believe in the existence of transcendental natural laws. I think it's fair to assume that the natural laws themselves are what is governing the universe, that they are "God". Since the entire universe is simultaneously the object and subject of those laws, God is all-encompassing. That is one of the main reasons why I revere nature so highly and am extremely wary of transhumanism, as you may have noticed. The more we distance ourselves from nature, we lose a greater part of our divinity.

Apart from that, I take an agnostic position towards all spiritual matters, and believe that they are impossible to logically prove.

So, I'm a pantheist. But when talking to people, I usually say that I'm an agnostic or atheist, simply to avoid confused looks and too many questions.

After:

I used ta be a highly devout Orthodox Christian (for a while, I wanted ta be a priest when I grow up), then lost mah faith n' spent a cold-ass lil certain period of time as a agnostic atheist. Eventually, under a shitload of influence from mah mutha, I figured up dat tha empirical method is mad shallow n' dat there is much mo' ta tha ghetto than what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses can peep wit our senses. Currently, I identify as a pantheist. While I believe dat all religions is dogmatic, irrationizzle n' come ta conclusions dat is impossible ta prove, I hold tha view dat there be a cold-ass lil certain spiritual juice which encompasses tha entire ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

Da harmony of tha natural order n' tha perfection of tha lawz of nature have always impressed mah dirty ass. Da whole universe functions as a single organizzle - everythang lil process has gots its purpose, n' everythang has its place. Even da most thugged-out diehard atheists n' empiricists believe up in tha existence of transcendental natural laws. I be thinkin itz fair ta assume dat tha natural laws themselves is what tha fuck is governin tha universe, dat they is "Dogg". Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since tha entire universe is simultaneously tha object n' subject of em laws, Dogg be all-encompassing. That is one of tha main reasons why I revere nature so highly n' be mad wary of transhumanism, as you may have noticed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da mo' our crazy-ass asses distizzle ourselves from nature, our crazy-ass asses lose a pimped outer part of our divinity.

Apart from that, I take a agnostic posizzle towardz all spiritual matters, n' believe dat they is impossible ta logically prove.

So, I be a pantheist. But when rappin' ta gangstas, I probably say dat I be a agnostic and atheist, simply ta avoid trippin looks n' too nuff thangs.

Super Lazuli

unfortunately quite boring when run through itself.

I used ta be a highly devout Orthodox Christian (for a while, I wanted ta be a priest when I grow up), then lost mah faith n' spent a cold-ass lil cold-ass lil certain period of time as a agnostic atheist. Eventually, under a shitload of influence from mah mutha, I figured up dat tha empirical method is mad shallow n' dat there is much mo' ta tha ghetto than what tha fuck tha fuck our crazy-ass asses can peep wit our senses. Currently, I identify as a pantheist. While I believe dat all religions is dogmatic, irrationizzle n' come ta conclusions dat is impossible ta prove, I hold tha view dat there be a cold-ass lil cold-ass lil certain spiritual juice which encompasses tha entire ghetto. Right back up up in yo muthafuckin ass.Da harmony of tha natural order n' tha perfection of tha lawz of nature have always impressed mah dirty ass. Da whole universe functions as a single organizzle - everythang lil process has gots its purpose, n' everythang has its place. Even da most thugged-out diehard atheists n' empiricists believe up up in tha existence of transcendental natural laws. I be thinkin itz fair ta assume dat tha natural laws themselves is what tha fuck tha fuck is governin tha universe, dat they is "Dogg". Right back up up in yo muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since tha entire universe is simultaneously tha object n' subject of em laws, Dogg be all-encompassing. That is one of tha main reasons why I revere nature so highly n' be mad wary of transhumanism, as you may have noticed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka, muthafucka! Da mo' our crazy-ass asses distizzle ourselves from nature, our crazy-ass asses lose a pimped outer part of our divinity.Apart from that, I take a agnostic posizzle towardz all spiritual matters, n' believe dat they is impossible ta logically prove.So, I be a pantheist. But when rappin' ta gangstas, I probably say dat I be a agnostic n' atheist, simply ta avoid trippin looks n' too nuff thangs.

LouieW

The Dialectizer does something like this as well, but it might sound a bit less natural. You can be the judge of that I guess.

ah used t'be a highly devout Orthodox Jedtian (fo' a spell, ah wanted t'be a priess when ah grow up), then lost mah faif an' spent a sartin period of time as an agnostic atheist. Eventually, unner a lot of influence fum mah Mammy, ah figgerd out thet th' empirical method is extremely shaller an' thet thar is much mo'e t'th' wo'ld than whut we kin see wif our senses. Currently, ah identify as a pantheist. While ah believe thet all religions is houn'dogmatic, irrashunal an' come t'conclushuns thet is impostible t'prove, ah hold th' view thet thar is a sartin spiritual inergy which incompasses th' entire wo'ld, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Th' harmony of th' natural o'der an' th' puffickion of th' laws of nature haf allus impressed me. Th' whole unyverse funckshuns as a sin'le o'ganism - ev'rythin' li'l process has got its purpose, an' ev'rythin' has its place. Even the dawgoned-est diehard atheists an' empiricists believe in th' exissence of transcendental natural laws. ah reckon it's fair t'assoom thet th' natural laws themselves is whut is govahnin' th' unyverse, thet they is "God". On account o' th' entire unyverse is simultaneously th' objeck an' subjeck of them laws, God is all-encompassin'. Thet is one of th' main reasons whuffo' ah revahe nature so highly an' is extremely wary of transhoominism, as yo' may haf noticed, cuss it all t' tarnation. Th' mo'e we distance ourselves fum nature, we lose a greater part of our divinity.

Apart fum thet, ah take an agnostic posishun towards all spiritual matters, an' believe thet they is impostible t'logically prove.

So, ah's a pantheist. But when talkin' t'varmints, ah usually say thet ah's an agnostic o' atheist, simply t'avoid cornfused looks an' too menny quesshuns.

 

Naas_Human

Hmm...

"Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet..."

gets

"Hither came Conan, tha Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword up in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, wit gigantic melancholies n' gigantic mirth, ta tread tha jeweled thronez of tha Ghetto under his sandalled feet..."

Too many words are still the same.

Super Lazuli

"Jeweled Thronez of the Ghetto" sounds like something Lil B would be involved in.

#based

 

 

Ironweaver

From Mother Theresa's Wikipedia page:

Blessed Teresa of Calcutta,^[1] born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (Albanian: [aˈɲɛs ˈɡ�"ɲdʒa b�"jaˈdʒiu]) n' commonly known as Muthafucka Teresa of Calcutta (26 August 1910 ��" 5 September 1997), was a ethnic Albanian, Indian Roman Catholic nun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "By blood, I be Albanian. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. By playa hatership, a Indian. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. By faith, I be a Catholic nun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As ta mah calling, I belong ta tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As ta mah heart, I belong entirely ta tha Heart of Jizzy."^[2] In late 2003, her ass was beatified, tha third step toward possible sainthood fo' realz. A second miracle credited ta Muthafucka Teresa is required before her ass can be recognized as a saint by tha Catholic church.^[3][4]

Super Lazuli

>Muthafucka Teresa

dead

Naas_Human

The Gizoogled-up lyrics to Black Sabbath's Iron Man are a bit interesting.

I be Iron Man, muthafucka!

Ironweaver

^ Dat shit made mah muthafuckin' day, biatch.

Imagine by Jizzy Lennon. Bitchin' li'l tune.

lrdgck

1 used to be a highly d3vOut r0tjhodoX0r hcrist1An ((for a whIle, 1 wanted t obe a preistt wh3n i gorw up), then lost my faith andd sp3nt a cartain paripod oF time 4s a naGn0stic atheisT!!!!!!!!!!!111~~ eventualyl, uNdra a lot of 1nfluenc3 from My mOther, i figured out that teh empirica7 mehtod si extrem3ly shallow aNd tthat there is umch mroe t0 Teh wr0ld thanwhat w3 c4n see wItho ur senses curRently, i idEntify as apanhteist While i be7eiVe thsat all re7igionSr dgoMat1c, irrationAl and cmoe to conc7usions that r i/\/\ppossible to prove, io hold the vEiw that Tehre iis a certa1n spiriitUal n3Rgy which encompassez teh entire world. OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!111~


3h ahrmony of eth nAtural odrar and terh p4rfection 0f teh l4ws of naTured ahve always impressed me.. ethe wholle unmivatse fumcdti0ns as a singl3 orgnim - evaerytHing l1ttl3 process h4s gpt 1ts purpose, and eavrything has oits plaCe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~ comr 2 my ft;~~~~~ even the mosT deihard atheists and empiriciasts bel3ive in the exiStence of tRanscendeental natura7 laws!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~ oolololollololoo... OI THINK IT'Z FAIR TO 4SSUME TAHT TEH NAUTRA LL4WS TEHMSELVES R WHT SI GOVERNING THHE uNIVERSE, THTA THEY R "OGD'/ S1NCE THEE NTIE UNIBVERS3 SI SIMuLTANEOUSLy THE OBJeCT AND SSUBJECT OF THOSRE LASW, GD IS 4LL-EENCOMPASS1NG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~ OLOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO THAT SI ONE OF TEH /\/\AIN REASNOS WHY 1 REVCEREE NATRRE SO HIGH7Y AND AM EXtREMELY WARY OF TRAnSUMANIS/\/\, ASY POu /\/\AY H4VE NOTICED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 THEIR IS A RAT1O dOT RIPE ME OFF cuZ you ar3 lame teh mRoe wse distacne Ousrelves form n4tur3, we losde a grateer part of our diVionity!!!!!111~~


apart fgroM that, i tzake san agnosdtic posrtiuon towsardz all sapiritu4l /\/\artars, aand b3Leive that tehy r impossiblE to logic4lly prove


s0, i"m a pantheist. but when taling to dodz, i usuzally say thati 'm na agnistic Or atheits, simply to avod coNfuSed looks and to0 many questionz!!!!!!!!!!!!11~

I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

MadassAlex

Gangsta'd lines from Liechtenauer's merkverse on the arts of medieval combat:

Young knight, learn
to always honour women, n' ludd Dogg,
so increase yo' honour.
Practice chivalry n' learn
arts which improve you
and up in tha battle brang honour.
Wrestle well, understand the
lizzle, spear n' sword
and bust tha knife like a man.

Okay, hurt a bit by the medieval syntax, but the last line is brilliant. 

Another shot?

If you wanna ta peep skill,
see dat you go ta tha left then muthafuckin right wit tha cuts.
And left wit right,
if you wanna fight strongly.
Dude whoz ass goes afta tha cut,
receives lil joy from his game.

That's a bit more like it.

Whoever flows too straight fuckin at you-
Hang n' beset his ass high.
There is two hangings
from each hand ta tha ground.

Straight fuckin' at you. 

lrdgck

Just came to me.

nohaynicklibre

My fuckin name is Van, I be a artist, I be a performizzle artist, n' I be hired fo' gangstas ta fulfill they fantasies, they DEEP♂DARK♂FANTASY. Was gonna be a porno star, you know wit modelin n' ah, actin fo' realz. After a hundred and two auditions n' lil' small-ass parts, you know I decided you know, nahmeean?.. I've had enough. Then I gots tha fuck into escort work.

Da kind of clients our crazy-ass asses git gots a shitload of uh... fetishes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, I just decided ta go,uhm you know FULL♂MASTER and, chizzle mah wh- entire doggy den tha fuck into a thugged-out dungeon, um dungeon masta wit a gangbangin' full dungeon... up in mah crib fo' realz. And ah.. itz goin straight-up well.

Fistin is three hundred bucks n' uuh probably tha playa is pretty much high on popper, so you can straight-up git chillaxed, you know, I have dis long... latex gludd dat goes all tha way up ta mah armpit, n' then I put another latex gludd up ta mah uh, wrist n' just LUBE♂IT♂UP n' uh... itz a long-ass process to, you know, git yo' whole arm up there but uhh, itz a intense feelin fo' tha other person... I be thinkin fo' mah dirty ass too it's, uh... you go up in places dat uh, even though itz physical, wit yo' hand yo, but fo' some reason be also mo' cheezy-ass, itz mo' psychological too n' our crazy-ass asses both, you know, reach tha same stupid-ass place, itz straight-up strange, all up in tha same stupid-ass time uhm, n' afta a session like dat I git straight-up exhausted all up in tha end.

nohaynicklibre

-So you must be tha secret ingredient.
-WHOOOO AREEE YOOUUUU
-I be yo' prom date you ugly sack of shit!
-WHO THE FUCK ARE YOUUUU BLALGRHGHRHGHG
-Yo ass missed, muthafucka! My fuckin name, by tha way, is Dante.
-Dante, biatch? Son of Sparda, biatch? And Eva tha WHORE BLAGALAHAARAR?
-Yeah. But you can call mah crazy ass Dante tha demon killa yo. Has a ill rang ta it, don't you think?
-Yo ass wanna bust a cap up in me, biatch? Yo ass can't bust a cap up in me, muthafucka! I be twelve hundred muthafuckin years old!
-Yo ass don't look a thugged-out dizzle over twelve thousand.
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you!
-FUCK YOUUUU BLARGHGHRGAAK

ClockworkUniverse

A second miracle credited ta Muthafucka Teresa is required before her ass can be recognized as a saint by tha Catholic church.

what

seriously

one isn't enough

Naas_Human

The tranzizzlement of "I'm on a Boat" feels a little too... wordy.

Yo ass can't quit mah crazy ass muthafucker cause I be on a funky-ass boat

versus

You can't stop me motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat