THIS is why my self esteem keeps dropping

Icalasari

I got caught off guard by my Tourettes tonight and end up on the floor. Everybody is freaked and I am given time to sit and recover. My manager asked if I'd like to go home. I refuse. I eventually leave early because my manager is not giving me any work, probably still worried for me. Fine, nothing I can do about that



My mother gave me a look that pretty much said that I screwed up and should have, I don't know, gone and done stuff anyways without having any direction and with a manager who doesn't want me to work at the time



I should apparently be psychic and PREDICT when I have these attacks and drown myself in meds to prevent them



Yet my parents wonder WHY I have low self esteem? Maybe it's because, no matter what, I have fucked up in your guys eyes! "Oh he doesn't hang out with the family. Well, since introverts are imaginary there must be something WRONG with him and he's snubbing us!" "Oh, you are twitching too much to work and even meds won't work? You must be faking!" "You had one of your violent seizure like episodes and your manager wouldn't give you more tasks? It's YOUR fault for not pyshing harder for something to do, and for not predicting the attack and taking meds!" "Oh, you have no energy to do anything due to feeling low self worth? Get over it!"



Just... Fuck you mom and dad. Stop this crap. I'm starting to roll over from sepf loathing to pissed. The fuck. Off!

InsanityAddict

How dependent are you on your parents? Have you considered moving out together with your girlfriend?

Icalasari

^ According to my parents, I couldn't live without them. I apparently don't know how to clean, cook, or be able to make enough money to live on my own (Even though I know how to cook, clean, shop cheaply and efficiently (I've saved my grandmother money plenty of times on grocery trips), and am not stupid enough to pass up on a roommate



My girlfriend lives in the states and I still have schooling left here

Icalasari

Hell, I've taken a financing class. I KNOW that homes are not cheap. I know that bills, taxes, etc. can suck you dry. But apparently, to them, this stuff is beyond my mental capabilities (they have talked about putting me in a home before because they think I'm that incompetent)

Super Lazuli

Are you a minor?

If you are you should consider calling an abuse service, because this is less "being overly concerned for you" and more "treating you like an object rather than a person".

If you're not a minor, start saving your paychecks so you can afford an apartment somewhere.

that's about all the advice I can give you. Sucks, man. Hope things go better. 

InsanityAddict

http://captainawkward.com/

Search a bit through the tags. The site suffers a tad from excessive jargon, but has excellent stuff on how to contain emotional abuse and other toxic behaviours in situations where cutting them off completely is not an option.

Icalasari

^^ Twenty years old. I'm trying to look for places where, if I split the costs with a friend, I could live off of my $11/hour wage



^ Thanks. My mom is not as bad as my dad. I do think she may be in a bit of the same boat actually (calming down a bit, I could have internalized the look too much, but this isn't the first time this stuff has happened, and she HAS expressed thoughts of leaving dad, but is afraid that she couldn't support herself, and feels torn down by him, so it could be that cases where she tears me down (knowingly or not) is her coping with my dad. Either way, not healthy)

Bastion

Icalasari

^ Kitty?