Classroom Gems

Ironweaver

Since I've just finished high school, we made a compilation of all of our classroom gems and published it on our Facebook group. Some of those are comedy gold. I'll post them in parts, and if you want to, you can post ones from your own school experience.

All of these ones are from the philosophy teacher - a hilariously flamboyant, eccentric woman in her 60s:

"I'll jump through the window, I just can't take you anymore!" Valentina: "Don't do it, teacher, we're in the basement!"

"Sorry, children, I've got some kind of flu... I really don't know what's up with me." Stefan: "Lice, maybe?"

"I bought some Greek guy on a fair once."

"Take your notebook and go to the psychologist! Let her finally do her job for once."

"I am very thankful to my old Hindu master. He has managed to get into my pyramid. And when he did, he want aaaall the way to the bottom, teehehe."

"A real gentleman, with a turtleneck and a hat, once said hello to me. I stopped, and he asked me: "Do you speak English?". I said "No, ancient Greek", and laughed heartily. Then we met each other in the elevator. We were just destined to have a date."

"Sauerkraut's stinking in the teachers' room!"

"Tonight, God is going to rain stones on me."

"I. AM. LEIBNIZ!"

"Do you understand the language that I'm speaking?"

"Now, don't assault me like some kind of a cult. Let me freely make a moral decision!"

"There is a lovely sentence, from my grandfather's book which was stolen from me!"

"Now is the fifty first class, but no - IT'S NOT!"

"I will kiss you later, I am fasting today."

"All my seniors must know that Locke's name is John."

"Nadal is my blood type - the Spanish one!"

"My ears are congested, just like I'm diving!"

"Listen, let your ears hear it!"

"Well, I think that we might give you a 4! What do you children think? After all, he's really made a lot of effort, and my heart still weeps that MARIĆ IS A TRAITOR!"

"Who knows, he knows. Who doesn't - jump off a damn bridge!"

"DAMN IT, shame on you, eyes are the mirror of the soul!" Marić: "I have no eyes!" Philosopher: "You ought to hide them from the world, you ought to wear A MASK!"

"PUUUUUULLLL IT ABOOOOOARD!"

"I see that you don't understand the logical square! Well, it won't pass just like that, I swear to my mother's grave!"

"So what now so what so what?"

"People don't breathe. They're dead. THEY'RE DEAD!"

 

Schitzo

A lot of these sound like they belong on some bastarded romhack of Simon's Quest/ The Adventure of Link.

Icalasari

"Is light a particle or a wave?"



"...Yes?"



"Correct"







It just amused me so much because they sounded unsure and also because they used a mathematicians answer instead of saying, "Both"



If I can find the ones from highschool (that was from physics in MRU), then I'll post them

Ironweaver

These are from the history teacher. The woman had a really bad case of OCD, and was therefore a complete and utter fascist when it came to discipline.

"Uncross your legs and sit nicely!" Vanja: "No, no... don't do it... please!"

"I'll send them a signal so they can call me!"

"Petar, tell me something about..." Petar: "Where did you find me, of all people?" Teacher: "Here, in the classroom."

"You don't need to answer me with such high zest, Vanja!"

"Which was the previous class? I can't read it! There's something written in the daybook and it's so... ugly. Ugly..."

Me: "What is the flying shuttle?" Her: "It's, um... it's moving. Yeah, it's moving, IT'S MOVING!"

"What are these crutches doing here? Anyone need them? Huh?"

A girl walks into the class, late, and quietly apologizes. Teacher: "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SQUEAL?"

"YOU DAMN BATS!"

"What isn't justified is not justified".

"My dead grandma has more energy than you!"

"Prepare your minds."

"A bubble gum? ELIMINATE!"

"Choose the thinking option."

English teacher, after a big argument between us and the historian: "If you want it, I will stand by you!" Mandić: "And get the entire Wehrmacht on your back!"

MadassAlex

"Prepare your minds."

I just felt as though this one needed reiteration, so here's this post.

Ironweaver

Apart from the Wehrmacht quote above, this is Mandić, a very sarcastic guy that deeply enjoys giving off a sociopathic vibe. It's all bravado, though, and we all like him.

Physics teacher: "What did you do on the history class, was it some kind of a roleplay?" Nevena: "Yeah, Mandić was Hitler." Teacher: "He's got all the prerequisites for a psychopath."

History teacher: "Bojana, this doctor that signed your illness leave application, he's a state doctor, right?" Bojana: "Yes, a pediathrician." Teacher: "Muhammad Yesassu... I can't even read this!" Bojana: "Yeah, that is him." Mandić: "He also does slave trade in his free time."

"Mandić, would you slap your friend?" "I have no friends."

The history teacher starts rambling. Mandić: "I mean, I can take this bullshit, but she's also lying, on top of everything!"

"When Adam died, he turned into an almond."

Serbian teacher: "Back then, we didn't have the letter J." Mandić: "Well, then, what were the apples (apple = jabuka) named like?"

"If people loved Latin, it wouldn't go extinct!"

"Cleopatra gave birth to Caesar with her son."

Me: "Every second, somebody in the world dies." Mandić: "Why doesn't Rada (math teacher) die?"

"Dried out river valleys are called the Dead Sea."