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Ironweaver's First Elections!
On the 6th of May unified parliamentary, presidential, regional, mayoral and local elections will be held in Serbia. Since I turned 18 last December these will be my first elections, and particularly difficult ones since I dislike every single parties and will have to choose between lesser evils. Help me out, IJBM!
A Choice For a Better Life
This is the first of the two big rival coalitions that both ought to take between 30% and 35% percent of the votes. It's a vaguely center-left coalition, and represents most of the current ruling government. Their moniker is particularly ironic, considering that they've done nothing but completely screw up the country during their mandate. Their presidential candidate is the current president, Boris Tadić - if he wins, it would be his third mandate (which is illegal, but he used a really clever loophole to candidate himself again). He is narcissistic as fuck, and has a really amusing blog devoted to him. Most of their electoral campaign consists of belittling other candidates, since they're that desperate. They still have between 30-35% voters simply because most of them like the alternative even less.
This coalition consists of the following parties:
- Democratic Party - The most senior partner in the coalition, it's supposed to be a run-of-the-mill social democratic/liberal party but is actually the most corrupt, nepotist conglomerate of assholes that you can think of.
- Social Democratic Party of Serbia - A smaller party, led by a Muslim from Sandžak. He's actually one of the rarely decent guys in politics, and I would vote for them if they weren't in coalition with the Democrats. A pity.
- League of Social Democrats of Vojvodina - These guys are led by a really, really eccentric figure who walks around with an elaborate cane, was a contestant in Big Brother, enjoys terrorizing pedestrians while riding a motor sleigh and is generally a fat douchebag. They tend towards Vojvodina separatism, which is similar to North Italy separatism - on the basis of "that filthy, uncivilized rabble from the south is taking our money" rather than the usual nationalist motivations, as most of them are Serbs.
- Democratic Party of Vojvodina Croats - A standard minority party.
- The Greens of Serbia - Duh.
Let's Get Serbia Moving!
The main opposition bloc, is supposed to be vaguely center-right, but actually their ideology boils down to "whatever gets us elected". Again, most of their voters vote for them simply because they don't like the alternative. They have official support from Rudy Giuliani, of all people.
Their parties are:
- Serbian Progressive Party - The coalition leaders. They started off as a moderate splinter group of the Serbian Radical Party (see below), and eventually turned even more moderate, and can now be placed somewhere around the center. Prone to constant 180 degree turns in rhetoric. Led by an undertaker. Not that progressive, despite the name.
- New Serbia - Conservative populists, designated to appeal to uneducated country voters. The leader is prone to bouts of anger, beating cameramen up and heavy drinking.
- Strength of Serbia Movement - Libertarians. Their leader is a tycoon on the Interpol list, currently hiding in Russia.
- Socialist Movement - Old school socialists who left the Socialist Party of Serbia, displeased with their reforms. Still loyal to late Milošević. Don't ask me what are they doing in this group.
SPS+PUPS+JS
A coalition of three "social justice" parties. Part of the current government. The third strongest coalition.
- Socialist Party of Serbia - Democratic socialists. Used to be Milošević's party, but undertook a couple of modernizing reforms two years after his death - they still don't want to disown him, though. Tend towards mild authoritaritarianism and the "firm hand" rhetoric. Probably one of the most socially progressive parties.
- Party of United Pensioners of Serbia - Old peoples' rights party. They claim that they have expanded their focus, but none of us really see it.
- United Serbia - Economic leftism combined with social conservativism. Led by the mayor of a small town who has managed to turn it into a paradise in only a couple of years. He's still an uneducated, homophobic hick.
Turnover
A coalition of several radically different parties who wish for a turnover in society, whatever that may be. Strongly pro-Western, pro-US and pro-NATO, in support of recognizing Kosovo's independence.
- Liberal Democratic Party - Modern liberals, with a slightly authoritarian, fanatical twist. Tend to idolize the West. Several of their prominent members, including the leader, have had drug-related scandals. Their voting base consists of drug addicts, hipsters and other quasi-intellectuals. You haven't seen smug until you've seen one of them debating politics, or anything else, basically.
- Serbian Renewal Movement - Now it's getting interesting. These guys are far-right monarchists who claim succession of the WW2 Chetnik resistance movement and are deathly afraid of anything resembling socialism. Also have a boner for the Western countries, our "historical allies".
- Social Democratic Union - Nobody really cares about these guys.
- Rich Serbia - Agrarian party. Pretty decent guys, actually.
United Regions of Serbia
Regionalists. This party was created after a merge between the resident libertarian party and several small regional parties. Libertarians with corporatist leanings, still managing to wrap it all up in a populist wrapping. Have controlled the finance sector for already twelve years.
Democratic Party of Serbia
Conservative liberals with a slighty Christian Democratic bent. Used to be pro-Western, but turned towards isolationism and nationalism after the West screwed us over multiple times. Led by aging academics, it is probably the most intellectual party on the political scene, but still reeks of passivity. Eurosceptic and in support of full military neutrality.
Serbian Radical Party
Hardline nationalists, who range everywhere from the far right to the far left, from borderline fascism to anarcho-nationalism. The majority of their members left in 2008 to form the Serbian Progressive Party, which left them only with the totally insane members. Their de jure leader is Vojislav Šešelj, who is being trialed in Hague for already ten years, and who is such an epic troll and crazily awesome that you can't bring yourself to hate him even though he is otherwise a despicable human being. Love the Russians and Chinese, don't like Europe and the US.
Portal
Like the above, just add clericalism, family values and Eastern Orthodox mysticism to the mix.
Movement of Workers and Peaants
A really minor party - I don't know anything about them. They seem to be in support of further steps towards direct democracy.
Reformist Party
Also a tiny party, appear to be based in and focused on the underdeveloped southern part of Serbia.
Albanian Coalition
Albanian separatists from the Preševo Valley, a tiny region in the south.
Alliance of Vojvodina Hungarians
All I know is that they want more autonomy for Vojvodina.
Sandžak Party of Democratic Action
Secular Muslims from the southwestern mountain region of Sandžak, who are in support of Serbian rule.
Mufti Muammer Zukorlić
Not a party, but the Muslim religious leader from Sandžak who has candidated himself for president despite it being explicitely forbidden by law, due to Serbian being a secular country and forbidding the mixing of church and state. He did it anyway, and they let him because his whining about the discriminaion of religious Muslims was too annoying. Wants Sandžak to secede. His followers hate secular Muslims, and vice-versa, and street fights constantly erupt over that issue in Sandžak. Is something of a troll.
So, who the hell should I vote for?
Comments
I hate to sound like I'm encouraging the use of peer pressure or anything, but if you can't decide for yourself then maybe just do what your friends (the smart ones, obviously) would do.
I should probably be lucky that voting isn't compulsory in Australia (you have to show up to a polling place, that's about it). (checks Wikipedia) Wait, it is compulsory here?! Fuck.
Shit, I have no idea. That's a crapload of parties. I'd be voting for what I consider the best compromise between leftist economic ideals and social rights I could find -- but then again, I'm not you and it ain't my country, so I suppose I can't offer much.
Serbian politics sure are colourful, though.
^^ Actually, they aren't compulsory in Serbia. It's simply that I feel that I should vote, considering that these are my first elections and that my mom, who is a member of the Democratic Party of Serbia, pushes me to do it (I won't vote for them, though).
^ Ideally, those would also be my priorities, but right now it is more of a question between "what works" and "what doesn't", since the country's in a shithole and needs to get out of it fast. I'm think that I'm rooting for a government including Let's Get Serbia Moving! and Turnover, since both of those are promising to get rid of the huge, inefficient and corrupt bureaucratic apparatus that is a real blight upon Serbia and one of its utmost problems, and both have the potential to negate certain negative qualities of the other partner. Let's Get Serbia Moving! is very populist, so I wouldn't worry about the poor getting left behind even though such a government would be more right than left leaning, and Turnover is quite socially progressive. But I wouldn't really vote for any of the two on an individual level.
Vote for whoever you think is least insane, Milos, because some of these parties sound pretty terrible.
Lol, the Serbian George Galloway.
"It's a very small party, you won't have heard of it."
Lol, the Serbian Bruce Banner/The Hulk. With added alcohol problem.
The Socialist Party of Serbia sounds pretty alright... or at dead least, reasonably close to what I'd vote for if we had anything of that sort in the US.
Though if your vote won't matter either way, I'd vote for the League of Social Democrats of Vojvodina, because that guy sounds absolutely hilarious.
This is their latest ad, featuring him playing a tamburitza. Don't ask me what the fuck is it supposed to mean.
^ Is he playing an actual established piece of music? If so, which one?
Also, having just looked up "tamburica" to find out what it is, I've learned that it primarily originates from Vojvodina (as well as parts of southern Hungary and northern Croatia), so maybe he's just going for a patriotic look through use of national symbols or something?
I think that it's an old song of the Yugoslav Partisans.
Vote for the League of Social Democrats of Vojvodina for the lulz. And to weird out your friends by saying you voted for them.
A translation would've have been nice, Milos. It's a good thing they had the text on-screen; I could have probably guessed how it was all written if I listened to it over and over again, but still...
"Because we live here. League of Social Democrats of Vojvodina. Nenad Čanak."
Ah, okay. No wonder you didn't bother.
^ Yeah, it's just a meaningless motto.
The problem is that they are entering the elections as part of the A Choice For a Better Life coalition, and you can't vote for individual parties inside a coalition. But if I'm going for the lulz/shock/hipsterdom, I'll probably vote for the Mufti.
Speaking of eccentric figures and political crazies, our current minister of Culture and Science, Predrag Marković from the United Regions, is famous for sneaking into the Parliament building at 2:30 AM and performing elaborate magic rituals on the eve of the past elections. He also looks like this.
So, he's kinda like Serbia's Alan Moore.
Sort of.
Oh my god he looks amazingly hilarious.
Why do European countries get all the cool politicians?
Believe me, they aren't that cool once they get to rule over you.
Yeah, if anyone saw my thread on the London mayoral elections, this is a bit like people voting for Boris Johnson because he's funny on TV looking like an upper class twit. Unfortunately, you then get stuck with him for four years.
These Serb guys look a lot weirder though. I don't know what the media's like over there. A lot of the blandness in UK/US politics comes from being under such massive media scrutiny all the time and people trying too avoid looking too eccentric. The ones that don't care so much like Ron Paul or Boris tend to stand out.
Well, when you're planning to run the kind of country that the rest of the world always casts their eyes on, it's not surprising that you have to worry that much more about looking like a... well, like a competent politician.
Though judging from the evidence, it seems you don't have to be any more worried about doing the job well.
The media is way too busy trudging through a sea of scandals and affairs to not let every single one of them pass their eye. Being eccentric is the least terrible of them all. Also, a recent law allows the government to censor "false accusations and libel" in media, which, as you guessed, in practice allows them to censor almost everything directed at them.
Also, here's the Serbian Hulk, as you called him (that's the first hit on Google Images, by the way).
His most famous quote, which perfectly indicates both his character and the Serbian political scene, is: "We all steal a little. Every politician I know does it, hell, I do it too. But you people have just gone over the top."
^ What's he drinking there? It's violet. He's drinking violet fluid.
I'd go with the Social Democratic Party on the grounds that, despite their coalition with the Democratic Party, they honestly seem the least douchey.
Also, I thought that right-libertarians didn't believe in magic.
^ By colour it looks like the berry juice, the Chateau skull-and-bones, in short, the industrial alcohol. By bottle, it's likely not.
I thinks it's wine.
Well, duh. I'd doubt he'd drink the methyl. But if the picture also showed him holding half a loaf of bread, I'd expect he got it to filter out the purple.
Some picture from the same event show him munching on a slava cake.
This thread's title makes me think of an incredibly boring sequel to Milo's Secret Castle
Regards,nohay
Ah, it must've been something else, a cake might not work. Unless it's a method you guys have there. You know the trade. Add floor sweeper. Wait until the sediment settles. Carefully, so as not to disturb the sediment, move the liquid to another container. Take a loaf of bread, slice in half, filter the cleared liquid through it. Add citric acid for taste. Et voila, ready to drink.
^ wait until Milos tells you of that junkie and LARPer-infested castle of his.
Nope, a slava cake is nothing but a really fancy loaf of bread.
Okay, as for the castle, there is a fortress near the city of Novi Sad which has underground tunnels full of rats, bats, drug addicts and cultists. Well, a friend of mine told me about a group of four of his idiotic LARPer friends who took their prop weapons, rented costumes from the theater and went down there for a dungeon crawl. I can't remember what exactly happened to each and everyone of them, but I remember that he mentioned AIDS and a knife wound.
What about that LARPer who was shot there? I guess he failed his Dodge check.
I think that a Reflex check determines saves against ranged weapons. /sperg
Could be, I'm using generic RPG parlance 'cause I've played D&D like once.
^^^^ So pretty.