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The Indie Face Kick Bundle trailer
Okay, so first, we see an intro. Cool.
Then we get scenes of something happening...except that's just a developer's splash screen. And it...sits there for a moment.
Greed logo now. ...really, this is going to sit there for a moment too?
Okay, I'm guessing this is Greed gameplay. So we've established a convention that title is displayed before gameplay samples. Got it. Looks like a 3/4-view action/exploration. And we have...closing doors. And closing doors. And closing doors. Is this game about closing doors? I mean, i can see right after that we have a few explosions and shots fired, but...
Okay, next game...Still Life. ...2. ...and then a black screen. That's not the game, is it?
...
...okay, suddenly we have an aerial overview of a map combined with an image of zombie Mr. Bean. Another aerial overview with an image of some woman. And again, but with an image of a slightly-creepy goateed man. Who are these people? Is Still Life a story about them?
And now we get scenes of gameplay. The text occasionally overlaid on them, as well as the scenes displayed, suggest that this is an RTS game with tower defence elements. Is this Still Life 2? I mean, that doesn't sound like the right title, but keep in mind I have no idea of what sorts of games these games are.
1:51
WAIT WHAT THE FUCK
this has been Sol Survivor all along? Then what is Still Life 2? Just those first three aerial map views? Just the people? Just the black screen?
> "a fun and welcome relief"
No, this is definitely not. I'm still confused as all hell.
...okay, these Sol Survivor trailer samples have been going on for a while now. Next game please?
...and the video cuts away from the Sol Survivor title screen so fast I can't even see the subtitle. Sigh.
Clockstone. That...isn't the name of a game...is it?
Okay, here's Avencast. I think this is the name of one of the games. ...yeah, this is a game all right. They're giving backstory.
...hot damn, that character runs fast.
But, how exactly does the gameplay work? I'm only ever shown brief, fleeting scenes from this game. Do we have a Diablo/Torchlight-like control scheme (which seems most likely) or am I ordering the character (and camera rotation) around by directional keypad? I really, really can't tell. The most I can tell is that character is probably using magic to destroy stuf--
Suddenly!, DnS Development.
More modern game. I thought game titles were displayed first...and this definitely isn't Avencast. At least, I'm pretty sure it isn't.
So, guy with flashlight and gun running around at night. Looking for something. "CAN YOU SURVIVE..."--okay, it's probably something involving zombies. Probably whichever title had "Dead" in the name.
Now he's filling a zombie giant gorilla with bullets.
...except I can't even tell that they're zombies. I'm watching the video at highest quality available (480p) and...all those things that are getting blown to pieces look like are vaguely humanoid figures chasing down the guy at the center of the screen. Suddenly, driving a van. Then it now confirms the name: Dead Horde.
Okay, fine, game names at end of segments.
This next game's trailer clips look...a bit too much like those web advertisements for f2p MMORPGs. I guess this is an MMORPG too...and look, there's even an Evony Ad Girl. So it's gotta be a fantasy RPG of so--waaaaaaaaitaminute, is that SOLITAIRE??? Or...poker...? Okay, I'm really confused now.
So it's the one called Runespell, cool. And what did that subti--
Suddenly, a leaderboard.
2D action game? 2D action combat game with PVP elements? ...doesn't look...all that exciting. And the player's character just got killed, so now here's more leaderboard action. And more gameplay scree--"You cannot shoot--"I missed the rest of that sentence. Not to mention that I can't see any of the red text clearly at all. Only by experience can I infer that that's probably the players' usernames. And hey look, it's that leaderboard again!
Suddenly, truck racing. LETHAL truck racing, at least to "Nitrogenius", whoever that is. Looks like Diddy Kong Racing, actually. Combined with some mechanics from somewhat-more-realistic racing games, such as when you crash into a wall, your vehicle flips over. And Nitrogenius gets it from this truck again.
...so what's the name of this game? "Give Nitrogenius a Bad Day"?
......yeah. I'm not sure getting kicked in the face is that good after all. It feels...surprisingly mediocre.
...wait, how many games did I just see again? Better yet, what exactly did I just watch? I'm not sure whether this or the current Republican presidential primary contest is less clear. Both seem to be extremely confusing.
Comments
What the heck have they done to the Cranberries?
FUCK COHERENCY. This is the MOST EXTREME TRAILER EVER, because Indie games are RAD and EXTREME and FACE KICKING and LOUD CRAPPY TECHNO and apparently the trailer just didn't KICK YOU IN THE FACE hard enough!
RRRRAAAAAAWWWWW
On a side note, I think I actually played Dead Horde, and it was awful.
We can add "zombie killing game" to the list of tired cliches, alongside "pseudo-medieval high fantasy RPG" and "modern-setting FPS".