Not being able to help people/being in a situation where you can help, but...

Icalasari

For example, I can help a homeless guy right now by giving him my bus fair and taking the LRT back to ACAD (LRT is free for students) and calling my dad for a ride

It's taking a lot not to do so even though I have no obligation (and I even shared some food with him, so it isn't like I didn't help. My brain just wants me to help more)

Stupid brain stop caring

Edit: Huh... Not often things work out like that... My father offered to pick me up in front of The Bay, so I didn't inconvenience him, which meant no guilt about him picking me up, which meant I could give the guy the money (and I did)

I still hate it when you can't help out due to being unable to or without there being a catch, though

Edit 2: This must sound very /firstworldproblems =/

RedEyedAbyss

Just remember that giving money only helps alleviate a symptom. Though I guess if the guy isn't going to blow it on gambling or something, even temporary help is helpful.

Also, tangentially related, but the first part is why I feel uncomfortable when people discuss their life problems on the Internet.

Icalasari

^ Why does the first part make you uncomfortable?

RedEyedAbyss

Just to clarify, I was referring to the "not being able to help people" part. It certainly doesn't help that much of the time, the people dumping their life problems on the Net don't want help, but validation, and validation is one of the worst things you can give to a person with a problem (e.g. pro-ana). And then there are the people with problems which they have to solve themselves with a little help from their real-life friends, not anonymous strangers on the Net.

Icalasari

Ah, alright then

Counterclock

Care for when you care a lot

and I don't mean to reference the Care Bears, that's just how it came out.

LouieW

Icalasari,

I am glad you were able to help the guy out. The issue of whether to give to homeless people/people asking for money is something that I think can be really difficult. It is pretty likely that the person in question can usually use the money a lot better than you can and helping people out is the right thing to do. Yet, at the same time, I think giving can be tough and there is always the possibility that someone is trying to scam you.

I have heard other people say that it is better not to give money when people ask for it because it encourages that kind of behavior. They advocate for donating to charity/doing volunteer work instead. I find that kind of stuff even more difficult than giving out some money to someone on the street though as bad as that probably sounds.

On the other hand, in some places it is incredibly common for people to walk up to you and ask for money/food or whatever. Is it really possible to help them all out? If not, then who should you help and how far should you go? Is giving some change enough or should you try your best to aid them in every way possible (i.e., going into a store/restaurant to buy them food, figuring out where they can go for shelter/meals, engaging in a thoughtful conversation with them)?

Right now, I have settled on only giving money if I happen to have some change on me when I am in those kinds of situations. My thinking is that if the person really needs the money, then I will have helped him or her. If he or she is trying to scam me, then they will have only scammed me out of a dollar at the most. Still, those kinds of questions really bother me because I am not sure how to answer them.

Sorry for going on and on about this, I guess it just frustrates me for some reason.

TheConductor

Just do what I do and expose yourself to nothing but disappointment and utterly destroy your sense of compassion. 

Icalasari

^^ I've been scammed before (told right after giving a person some money for bus fare that the guy is always at that spot asking for "bus fare" all the time). Eh, sometimes you'll be scammed, but a lot of the time you'll help a person

^ I've tried :< My spirit rebounds too well

captainbrass

^ Sadly, people claiming they need money for a bus fare or train fare is a very common scam. Think about it, if you were robbed/lost all your money, would you be more likely to ask random strangers for money or to (a) go to the police and/or (b) phone up your parents/friends/SO for help?

Never say never, but I don't normally give money to people who ask for it on the street. Give it to a homeless charity instead.

Icalasari

^ The person was just claiming that they forgot their wallet

...Although thinking about it how did I not catch on at the time that if they forgot their wallet, then how did they get to the college in the first place...?

Waltzy

Unless they forgot their wallet at the college, if that's possible.

I have this issue too, there were times where I came close to just opening my wallet and giving them everything I have, but I keep myself in check somehow.

The worst instance was when this one lady came up saying that she and her child had just escaped an abusive relationship and needed hotel money for a night, and I'm lucky I didn't have my wallet or I'd have given it to her without stopping to think why this alleged child was nowhere to be seen. It doesn't make sense that she'd leave the kid all alone somewhere.

But even in such situations, there's that naggling "what if" feeling where it's like "what if their situation just happens to be extraordinary and I could've really helped them".

InsanityAddict

Spotting the junkies near the methadon clinic can help alleviate the feeling of guilt. Also, as a liberal, I'm supposed to believe the welfare state will solve this sort of thing while no spending a cent on charity myself.

LouieW

captainbrass,

I think you are probably right in many situations, but I guess I wonder where that leaves people who ask for money for bus fare/etc. because they are homeless or just very poor. I do not see much of a reason to second guess them on that kind of thing and I doubt someone giving them a dollar or so is going to make it worthwhile to scam people by pretending you are homeless.

Plus, I wonder what the real costs and benefits of giving money to people who ask for it are. On one hand, by not giving it you might help to stop someone from perpetuating a scam. That seems like at least a prudent or decently good thing to me. On the other hand, by giving money you might be able to really help someone who needs it. Is that not also potentially good, but in a moral way instead of a prudential one? I am not really sure.

That being said, I agree with the idea that one should be cautious about giving out money when people start telling stories about missing wallets and such or when they ask for more than change or a few dollars.

Waltzy,
But even in such situations, there's that naggling "what if" feeling where it's like "what if their situation just happens to be extraordinary and I could've really helped them".

Aye, that feeling is not fun to have. Even in situations when you try to help someone in certain ways, giving them a few quarters you happen to have on you for example, I wonder if that is going far enough (I personally doubt it). Maybe you could have changed his or her life for the better by giving more or by helping the person out in other ways. I guess that brings up the question of how far people should go to help others when other people ask for it, a question that I am definitely not qualified to answer.

Icalasari

I find that the safest way to help someone is to share food

If they are homeless, it can help out a bit
If they are a scam artist, then they don't get any cash

It also removes the potential for them buying drugs with what you give if they are an addict