›
If you have an email ending in @hotmail.com, @live.com or @outlook.com (or any other Microsoft-related domain), please consider changing it to another email provider; Microsoft decided to instantly block the server's IP, so emails can't be sent to these addresses.
If you use an @yahoo.com email or any related Yahoo services, they have blocked us also due to "user complaints"
-UE

Central Avenue's boredom thread

Central AvenueCentral Avenue
edited 2011-10-10 16:27:00 in Wonderful posts
In which I post nonsense because sometimes you just have to post to see yourself post.

Clair Systems was founded in 1985 in Sandusky, Ohio, when some teenagers were bored. Clair quickly became the leader in grass-eating technology, and their headquarters moved to Cleveland, Ohio, home of that river that catches on fire. Clair Systems was eventually acquired by The Walt Disney Company in 1999, who then went on to close the business and use their main office as storage space for unsold Disney Princess mousepads. It was a sad day for everyone involved, and some people got mad at Disney.

So they decided to stage a revolt. Rainbow Dash, former Clair Systems CEO, led an army consisting of pegasi, earth ponies, unicorns, and Bill Nye the Science Guy, to declare war on Disney and occupy Disneyland. They had a hard time sneaking their weapons past the park's main gate, so Rainbow Dash decided to do flyovers where she would drop supplies for her troops below. Park officials told Rainbow's Army that they were trespassing and needed to leave Disney property, and about 6 of them did. The rest refused, instead deciding to riot and trash the place. The police were called in, but decided that joining in the destruction of Disneyland was more fun than trying to enforce the law, so they did that instead.

At this point, Walt Disney, who wasn't really dead but had simply been off watching football for a decade or four, came back to his 'land and saw the destruction. That made him cry. As I'm sure you're all aware, Walt Disney tears are a magical thing, that can make people feel true love. Rainbow Dash and her army saw the destruction and sadness their rampage had caused, and the fact that they'd accidentally killed a little girl in a wheelchair, and decided to make amends with Disney, and work together to rebuild Disneyland...a better Disneyland than Disneyland had ever been before.

Comments

  • BastionBastion
    smote
    I suddenly understand everything.
  • AnonusAnonus
    But what about ABC Inc, huh?
  • Central AvenueCentral Avenue
    ABC Inc is a curious thing. I imagine it's very similar to what a Popsicle® brand ice pop would be like if it weren't a Popsicle® brand ice pop at all. As I said in my 2009 book Brittany's Low-Calorie Sweetener:

    "There is no such thing as a blind man. There never was. There never will be. For even he who cannot see with his eyes, can see with his heart. Except for the fact that anyone who knows a single thing about biology knows that's bullshit, because hearts don't work that way. But the point of the matter remains the same--if a man is driving down I-75, and the Georgia Welcome Center is closed for evening, will the restrooms still be open for him to stop and take a piss? That, my friends, is the one question we should all be asking ourselves every time we face a major ethical decision."

    As you can see from this passage, one brick does not a house make. Hell, several bricks does not a house make. Especially because most new houses these days are frame houses, not brick houses. That's why--wait, where was I going with this again? Oh right, ABC. Well, if you insist:



    There. That should satisfy you people until the next time I'm lonely and bored and loopy enough to bump this thread, which if the current trend continues will not be too long from now.
  • GelzoGelzo
    Pony Sleuth
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
  • GelzoGelzo
    Pony Sleuth
  • Central AvenueCentral Avenue
    edited 2012-01-11 02:05:40

    Ham and a Half


    A true story of justice


    When a man looks death in the eye, what more can he do? "You wait here," said Margaret. "I'll bring the car around, and we can all live happily ever after on the way to Wal-Mart." But Wal-Mart would never come, because a fat man with an axe killed both participants on the spot. PBS ran a documentary about it the next day, but they were criticized for not having the grilled cheese sandwich ready by the time Mr. Adler rang the doorbell. As a result, the substitute teacher was fired and never purchased a video game from Arby's again. It's been a year now since that fateful day, and I for one can truly say I regret nothing. And neither should you, because if you even had a soul you probably wouldn't be a piece of paper like you aren't. And really, isn't that what life's all about? I don't think so, but nobody asked my opinion because I'm just an adjunct, not a full-time professor.

  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    edited 2012-01-11 08:42:56
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human

    @CentralAvenue: your presence is requested in Angry Thread Title.

Sign In or Register to comment.